9 times out of 10...

• status updates are not relevent to my life
• i still cannot wrap my head around the concept of "facebook friends."
  • this is an entirely new definition of personal relationship that I can't even pretend I understand. If I don't "friend" people I'm not truly friends with, I'm a jerk, right? Is this some time of stalking tool, then? Are all facebook people creepers? I really don't get it.
• the "keeping in touch" excuse does not apply in college situations (facebook's intended demographic). for the most part, we all attend(ed) the same school, and we see eachother nearly every day (or have at one point exchanged contact information). why?
• facebook fuels drama and gossip.
• i'm really not a huge zuckerburg fan. just throwing it out there.
• signing into facebook generally tells me:
  • what kind of illicit shenanigans the people i am acquainted with are up to.
    • including what type of underwear they prefer to wear, or what type of underwear they prefer others to wear
  • how far people are into their newest pregnancy and other assorted details of said pregnancy (ugh ugh UGH)
  • when females are fighting with their on-again, off-again boyfriends, and, usually, the events leading up to/causing said fight
  • everyone's latest digs on the many assorted -"ville" games.
  • who's fucking whom
  • who wants to fuck whom
  • why my acquaintances are having no-good, bad, rotten days
    • oh shit, that bill collector called again? you're still looking for a job? i'm sorry, that's no good. but why are you telling me this? why are you telling everyone on the internet this? go DO something about it.
  • drunken epiphanies/how wasted you are
  • how poorly my aquaintances performed in english and grammar classes.
• signing into facebook generally does not tell me:
  • what my friends are accomplishing in their lives
    • by default, I shouldn't mention what I'm accomplishing then, either. One mustn't be a braggart, afterall.
  • about events that i am interested in attending/interesting events friends have attended
  • interesting world/personal developments
  • anything relevent

in short, no facebook for this guy.