• war's greatest evil--the degradation of the human spirit
• ...the ultimate shining nobility of that spirit
• I want to write, but more than that I want to bring out all kinds of things that lie buried deep in my heart
• "paper is more patient than man"
• the reason for my starting a diary: it is that I have no such friend
• no one will believe that a girl of 13 feels herself quite alone in the world
• in order to enhance in my mind's eye the picture of the friend for whom I have waited so long, I don't want to set down a series of bald facts in a diary like most people do, but I want this diary itself to be my friend
• So we could not do this & were forbidden to do that. But life went on in spite of it all.
• anyone can scribble some nonsense in large letters with the words well-spaced but the difficulty was to prove beyond doubt the necessity of talking
• I seem to act as a stimulant to keep him awake. You see we all have our uses, and queer ones too at times!
• old people have such terribly old-fashioned ideas at times, but I just can't fall into line
• it must be rotten to feel so superfluous
• So we shall disappear of our own accord & not wait until they come and fetch us.
• Make the most of your carefree young life as you can.
• There were questions I was not allowed to ask, but I couldn't get them out of my mind.
• The first thing I put in was this diary, then hair curlers, handkerchiefs, schoolbooks, a comb, old letters, I put in the craziest things with the idea that we were going into hiding. But I'm not sorry, memories mean more to me than dresses.
• I knew that it would be my last night in my own bed
• Our living room & all the other rooms were chock full of rubbish, indescribably so.
• I expect you will be interested to hear what it feels like to disappear, well, all I can say is that I don't know myself yet.
• I don't think I shall ever feel really at home in this house
• It is the silence that frightens me so in the evenings & at night
• it's shocking how much I've forgotten already
• It is lovely weather & in spite of everything we make the most we can of it by lying on a camp bed in the attic, where the sun shines through an open window.
• How some people do adore bringing up other people's children in addition to their own.
• "I think Anne is extremely well brought up, she has learned one thing anyway, and that is to make no reply to your long sermons. As to the vegetables, look to your own plate."
• if you only knew how I sometimes boil under so many gribes & jeers. And I don't know how long I shall be able to stifle my rage. I shall just blow up one day.
• You only really get to know people when you've had a jolly good row with them. Then & then only can you judge their true characters!
• The days are becoming very quiet here... We are quiet as mice.
• In any case it's extremely important to be able to write in a code.
• I cling to Daddy because it is only through him that I am able to retain the remnant of family feeling.
• I don't pronounce judgments on Mummy's character, for that is something I can't judge. I only look at her as mother, and she just doesn't succeed in being that to me; I have to be my own mother. I've drawn myself apart from them all, I am my own skipper & later on I shall see where I come to land. All this comes about particularly because I have in my mind's eye an image of what a perfect mother & wife should be; and in her whom I must call "Mother" I find no trace of that image. I wonder if anyone can ever succeed in making their children absolutely content.
• Sometimes I believe that God wants to try me, both now & later on; I must become good through my own efforts, without examples & without good advice. Then later on I shall be all the stronger. Who besides me will ever read these letters? From whom but myself shall I get comfort? As I need comforting often, I frequently feel weak, and dissatisfied with myself; my shortcomings are too great. I know this, and every day I try to improve myself, again & again.
• I shall persevere, in spite of everything, and find my own way through it all, and swallow my tears.
• "This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Do you see the difference? There is certainly reason for optimism.
• lately I have begun to feel deserted. I am surrounded by too great a void I never used to feel.
• When I lie in bed at night & think over the many sins & shortcomings attributed to me, I get so confused by it all that I either laugh or cry: it depends what sort of mood I am in. Then I fall asleep with a stupid feeling of wishing to be different from what I am or from what I want to be; perhaps to behave differently from the way I want to behave, or do behave.
• But I can't do that, they mustn't know my despair. I can't let them see the wounds they have caused.
• For myself, I remain silent & aloof; and I shall not shrink from the truth any longer, because the longer it is put off, the more difficult it will be for them when they do hear it.
• ...frightfully childish. A person of 54 who is still so pedantic & small-minded must be so by nature, and will never improve.
• ...I should find it so blissful, I shouldn't know where to start! But most of all, I long for a home of our own, to be able to move freely & to have some help with my work again at last, in other words -- school.
• The bed is turned down as quickly as possible & then the temptation is removed. Do you know what Mummy calls this sort of thing? "The Art of Living."
• I swallow Valerian pills every day against worry & depression, but it doesn't prevent me from being even more miserable the next day. A good hearty laugh would help more than 10 Valerian pills, but I've almost forgotten how to laugh. I feel afraid sometimes that from having to be so serious I'll grow a long face & my mouth will droop at the corners.
• The only way to take one's mind off it all is to study, and I do a lot of that.
• I wander from one room to another, downstairs & up again, feeling like a songbird whose wings have been clipped & who is hurling himself in utter darkness against the bars of his cage. "Go outside, laugh, and take a breath of fresh air," a voice cries within me, but I don't even feel a response any more; I go & lie on the divan & sleep, to make the time pass more quickly, and the stillness & the terrible fear, because there is no way of killing them.
• "The spirit of the man is great, how puny are is deeds!"
• It is drizzly weather, the stove smells, the food lies heavily on everybody's tummy, causing thunderous noises on all sides! The war at a standstill, morale rotten.
• When someone comes in from outside, with the wind in their clothes & the cold on their faces, then I could bury my head in the blankets to stop myself thinking: "When will we be granted the privilege of smelling fresh air?" And because I must not bury my head in the blankets, but the reverse--I must keep my head high & be brave, the thoughts will come, not once, but oh, countless times.
• A famous line from Goethe: "On the top of the world, or in the depths of despair."
• that's what I long for; still, I mustn't show it, because I sometimes think if all eight of us began to pity ourselves, or went about with discontented faces, where would it lead us?
• each day I miss having a real mother who understands me. That is why with everything I do & write I think of the "Mumsie" that I want to be for my children later on.
• I am selfish & cowardly. Why do I always dream & think of the most terrible things--my fear makes me want to scream out loud sometimes. Because still, in spite of everything, I have not enough faith in God. He has given me so much--which I certainly do not deserve--and still I do so much that is wrong every day.
• I have been trying to understand the Anne of a year ago & to excuse her, because my conscience isn't clear... I suffer now--and suffered then--from moods which kept my head under water (so to speak) & only allowed me to see the things subjectively without enabling me to consider quietly the words of the other side, and to answer them as the words of one whom I, with my hotheaded temperament, had offended or made unhappy. I hid myself within myself.
• It's true that she doesn't understand me, but I don't understand her either... I soothe my conscience now with the thought that it is better for hard words to be on paper than that Mummy should carry them in her heart.
• I saw my face in the mirror & it looks quite different. My eyes look so clear & deep, my cheeks are pink--which they haven't been for weeks--my mouth is much softer... and yet there is something so sad in my expression & my smile slips away from my lips as soon as it has come. I'm not happy
• I love you, and with such a great love that it can't grow in my heart any more but has to leap out into the open & suddenly manifest itself in such a devastating way!
• I have an odd way of sometimes, as it were, being able to see myself through someone else's eyes. Then I view the affairs of a certain "Anne" at my ease, and browse through the pages of her life as if she were a stranger...
• I used at times to have the feeling that I didn't belong to Mansa, Pim, and Margot, and that I would always be a bit of an outsider. Sometimes I used to pretend I was an orphan
• Who would ever think that so much can go on in the soul of a young girl?
• why is it that people always try so hard to hide their real feelings? How is it that I always behave quite differently from what I should in other people's company? Why do we trust one another so little? I know there must be a reason, but still I sometimes think it's horrible that you find you can never really confide in people, even in those who are nearest to you.
• How can I have changed so much?
• I want to start fresh & get to the bottom of it all, not be like the saying "the young always follow a bad example." I want to examine the whole matter carefully myself & find out what is true & what is exaggerated.
• I hope that I have acquired insight & will use it well when the occasion arises.
• ...how much noble, unselfish work these people are doing, risking their own lives to help & save others... they will have to share the same fate as many others who are being searched for... That is something we must never forget; although others may show heroism in the war or against the Germans, our helpers display heroism in their cheerfulness & affection.
• I usually say things quite differently from the way I meant to say them, and then I talk too much & far too long & that's just as bad.
• I am very glad that there is someone else in the house who can get into the same fits of rage as I get into.
• I don't know what fear is, except when I think of my own shortcomings.
• Because my life now has an object, and I have something to look forward to, everything has become more pleasant.
• It is Saturday again & that really speaks for itself.
• Oh, if I could nestle my head against his shoulder & not feel so hopelessly alone & deserted!
• Nearly every morning I go to the attic where Peter works to blow the stuffy air out of my lungs. From my favorite spot on the floor I look up at the blue sky & the bare chestnut tree, on whose branches little raindrops shine, appearing like silver, and at the seagulls & other birds as they glide on the wind.
• But I looked out of the open window too, over a large area of Amsterdam, over all the roofs & on to the horizon, which was such a pale blue that it was hard to see the dividing line. "As long as this exists," I thought, "and I may live to see it, this sunshine, the cloudless skies, while this lasts, I cannot be unhappy."
• The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature, and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be & that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of Nature. As long as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.
• Riches can all be lost, but that happiness in your own heart can only be veiled, and it will still bring you happiness again, as long as you live. As long as you can look fearlessly up into the heavens, as long as you know that you are pure within, and that you will still find happiness.
• "Pure in body, pure in soul."
• Together we could drive away your loneliness & mine!
• I was industrious, honest, and frank.
• It was a good thing that in the midst of, at the height of, all this gaiety, I suddenly had to face reality, and it took me at least a year to get used to the fact that there was no more admiration forthcoming.
• But at the end of the week, I should be dead beat & would be only too thankful to listen to anyone who began to talk about something fall not for a flattering smile but for what one does & for one's character. I know quite well that the circle around me would be much smaller. But what does that matter, as long as one still keeps a few sincere friends?
• I look upon my life up till the New Year, as it were, through a powerful magnifying glass. The sunny life at home, then coming here in 1942, the sudden change...
• Alone I had to face the difficult task of changing myself, to stop the everlasting reproaches, which were so oppressive & which reduced me to such despondency.
• I started to think, and write stories, and came to the conclusion that the others no longer had the right to throw me about like an india-rubber ball. I wanted to change in accordance with my own desires. But one thing that struck me even more was when I realized that even Daddy would never become my confidant over everything. I didn't want to trust anyone but myself any more.
• I also discovered my inward happiness & my defensive armor of superficiality & gaiety. In due time I quieted down & discovered my boundless desire for all that s beautiful & good.
• ...of Peter, of that which is still embryonic & impressionable & which we neither of us dare to name or touch, of that which will come sometime; love, the future, happiness
• On the contrary, I've found that there is always some beauty left -- in nature, sunshine, freedom, in yourself; these can all help you. Look at these things, then you find yourself again, and God, and then you regain your balance. And whoever is happy will make others happy too. He who has courage & faith will never perish in misery.
• When shall I finally untangle my thoughts, when shall I find peace & rest within myself again?
• Added to this, our potatoes are suffering from such peculiar diseases!
• Thank goodness the others can't tell what my inward feelings are... I'm completely closed up. Above all, I must maintain my outward reserve, no one must know that war still reigns incessantly within. War between desire & common sense. The latter has won up till now; yet will the former prove to be the stronger of the two? Sometimes I fear that it will & sometimes I long for it to be!
• But, still, the brightest spot of all is that at least I can write down my thoughts & feelings, otherwise I would be absolutely stifled!
• Can he possibly be the first & only one to have looked through my concrete armor?
• I have the feeling that Peter & I share a secret... as if a little light goes on inside me.
• Also it's easier to whisper your feelings than to trumpet them forth out loud.
• One misses enough here anyway, things that other people just take for granted.
• I would only want to have the feeling that he understood me through & through without my having to say much.
• I often go upstairs after supper nowadays & take a breath of the fresh evening air. I like it up there, sitting on a chair beside him & looking outside.
• won't they ever grasp that we are happy, just sitting together & not saying a word. They don't understand what has driven us together like this. Oh, when will all these difficulties be overcome? And yet it is good to overcome them, because then the end will be all the more wonderful.
• God has not left me alone & will not leave me alone.
• You know & I know that I am strong, that I can carry most of my burdens alone. I have never been used to sharing my troubles with anyone, I have never clung to my mother.
• ...but the moment I was alone I knew I would have to cry my heart out. So, clad in my nightdress, I let myself go & slipped down onto the floor. First I said my long prayer very earnestly, then I cried with my head on my arms, my knees bent up, on the bare floor, completely folded up. One large sob brought me back to earth again, and I quelled my tears because I didn't want them to hear anything in the next room. Then I began trying to talk some courage into myself. I could only say "I must, I must, I must..." Completely stiff from the unnatural position, I fell against the side of the bed & fought on.
• I am the best & sharpest critic of my own work. I know myself what is & what is not well written. Anyone who doesn't write doesn't know how wonderful it is... And if I haven't any talent for writing books or newspaper articles, well, then I can always write for myself.
• I want to get on
  
  all the women who do their work & are then forgotten. I must have something besides a husband & children, something that I can devote myself to.
• I want to go on living even after my death. And therefore I am grateful to God for giving me this gift, this possibility of developing myself & of writing, of expressing all that is in me. I can shake off everything if I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn. But, and that is the great question, will I ever be able to write anything great, will I ever become a journalist or a writer? I hope so, oh, I hope so very much, for I can recapture everything when I write, my thoughts, my ideals & my fantasies.
• So I go on again with fresh courage.
• Be brave! Let us remain aware of our task & not grumble, a solution will come, God has never deserted... the weak fall, but the strong will remain & never go under!
• If God lets me live, I shall attain more... I shall not remain insignificant, I shall work in the world & for mankind. And now I know that first & foremost I shall require courage & cheerfulness!
• I am sentimental sometimes, I know that, but there is occasion to be sentimental here at times, when Peter & I are sitting somewhere together on a hard, wooden crate in the midst of masses of rubbish & dust, our arms around each other's shoulders, and very close
• If the truth is told, things are just as bad as you yourself care to make them. There's no one here that sets a good example; everyone should see that he gets the better of his own moods... My work, my hope, my love, my courage, all these things keep my head above water & keep me from complaining.
• It is so quiet & peaceful to lie in is arms & to dream, it is so thrilling to feel his cheek against mine, it is so lovely to know that there is someone waiting for me.
• Then suddenly the ordinary Anne slipped away & a second Anne took her place, a second Anne who is not reckless & jocular, but one who just wants to love & be gentle... tears sprang into my eyes, the left one trickled onto his dungarees. Did he notice? He made no move or sign that he did. I wonder if he feels the same as I do? He hardly said a word. Does he know that he has two Annes before him? These questions remain unanswered... I was still trembling. I was still Anne number two.
• Am I really so inexperienced about everything?
• Oh, it is so difficult, always battling with one's heart & reason.
• I have to laugh at the humorous side of the most dangerous moments.
• I am young & I possess many buried qualities; I am young & strong & am living a great adventure; I am still in the midst of it & can't grumble the whole day long. I have been given a lot, a happy nature, a great deal of cheerfulness & strength. Every day I feel that I am developing inwardly, that the liberation is drawing nearer & how beautiful nature is, how good the people are about me, how interesting this adventure is! Why, then, should I be in despair?
• What is done cannot be undone, but one can prevent it happening again. I want to start from the beginning again & it can't be difficult, now that I have Peter. With him to support me, I can & will! I'm not alone anymore; he loves me. I love him; I have my books, my storybook & my diary, I'm not so frightfully ugly, not utterly stupid, want to have a cheerful temperament & a good character.
• I will improve.
• I can assure you I'm not at all keen on a narrow, cramped existence like Mummy & Margot.
• I want to see something of the world & do all kinds of exciting things.
• Whether these leanings towards greatness (or insanity) will ever materialize remains to be seen, but I certainly have the subjects in my mind.
• and the sun shone as it has never shone before in 1944. Our horse chestnut is in full bloom, thickly covered with leaves & much more beautiful than last year.
• Nobody sees beyond his own nose
• I who, having no native country, had hoped that it might become my fatherland.
• Again & again I ask myself, would it not have been better for us all if we had not gone into hiding, and if we were dead now & not going through all this misery, especially as we shouldn't be running our protectors into danger any more. But we all recoil from these thoughts too, for we still love life; we haven't yet forgotten the voice of nature, we still hope, hope about everything. I hope something will happen now, shooting if need be--nothing can crush us more than this restlessness. Let the end come, even if it is hard; then at least we shall know whether we are finally going to win through or go under.
• we must clench our teeth & not cry out
• My head is haunted by so many wishes & thoughts, accusations & reproaches. I'm really not as conceited as so many people seem to think, I know my own faults & shortcomings more than anyone, but the difference is that I also know that I want to improve, shall improve, and have already improved a great deal.
• but still there's no denying that there's a lot about him that disappoints me.
• in order to have a good look at the moon for once by myself
• The dark, rainy evening, the gale, the scudding clouds held me entirely in their power; it was the first time in a year & a half that I'd seen the night face to face. After that evening my longing to see it again was greater than my fear of burglars, rats, & raid on the house. I went downstairs all by myself & looked outside through the windows in the kitchen & the private office... It's not imagination on my part when I say that to look up at the sky, the clouds, the moon, and the stars makes me calm & patient. It's a better medicine than either valerian or bromine; Mother Nature makes me humble & prepared to face every blow courageously.
• Alas, it has had to be that I am only able to look at nature through dirty net curtains hanging before very dusty windows. And it's no pleasure looking through these any longer, because nature is just the one thing the really must be unadulterated.
• There's one golden rule to keep before you: laugh about everything & don't bother yourself about the others! It sounds selfish, but it's honestly the only cure for anyone who has to seek consolation in himself.
• Everything's all right here & tempers are improving. The superoptimists are triumphing.
• Quite honestly, I can't imagine how anyone can say: "I'm weak," and then remain so. After all, if you know it, why not fight against it, why not try to train your character? The answer was: "Because it's so much easier not to!" This reply rather discouraged me. Easy? Does that mean that a lazy, deceitful life is an easy life? Oh no, that can't be true, it mustn't be true, people can be so easily tempted by slackness.
• but it's even harder to stand on your own feet as a conscious, living being. Because if you do, then it's twice as difficult to steer a right path through the sea of problems & still remain constant through it all.
• How can I make it clear to him that what appears easy & attractive will drag him down into the depths, depths where there is no comfort to be found, no friends & no beauty, depths from which it is almost impossible to raise oneself?
• We all live, but we don't know the why or the wherefore. We all live with the object of being happy; our lives are all different & yet the same... We have the chance to learn, the possibility of attaining something, but... we must earn it for ourselves. And that is never easy. You must work & do good, not be lazy & gamble, if you wish to earn happiness. Laziness may appear attractive, but work gives satisfaction.
• It isn't the fear of God but the upholding of one's own honor & conscience. How noble & good everyone could be if, every evening before falling asleep, they were to recall to their minds the events of the whole day & consider exactly what has been good & bad. Then, without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the star of each new day; of course, you achieve quite a lot in the course of time. Anyone can do this, it costs nothing & is certainly very helpful. Whoever doesn't know it must learn & find experience that: "A quiet conscience makes one strong!"
• it gives one a very queer feeling to be able to appear in the world again
• This self-consciousness haunts me & every time I open my mouth I know as soon as I've spoken whether "that ought to have been different" or "that was right as it was." There are so many things about myself that I condemn; I couldn't begin to name them all. I understand more & more how true Daddy's words were when he said: "All children must be responsible for their own upbringing." Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
• I have cured myself, by seeing for myself what was wrong in my behavior & keeping it before my eyes.
• We talked about the most private things, and yet up till now we have never touched on those things that filled, and still fill, my heart & soul.
• "For in its innermost depths youth is lonelier than old age."
• Older people have formed their opinions about everything & don't waver before they act. It's twice as hard for us young ones to hold our ground & maintain our opinions in a time when all ideals are being shattered & destroyed, when people are showing their worst side, and do not know whether to believe in truth & right & God. Anyone who claims that the older ones have a more difficult time here certainly doesn't realize to what extent our problems weight down on us, problems for which we are probably much too young, but which thrust themselves upon us continually, until, after a long time, we think we've found a solution, but the solution doesn't seem able to resist the facts which reduce it to nothing again. That's the difficulty in these times: ideals, dreams, and cherished hopes rise within us, only to meet the horrible truth & be shattered.
• It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd & impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart. I simply can't build up my hopes on a foundation consisting of confusion, misery, and death. I see the world gradually being turned into a wilderness, I hear the ever approaching thunder, which will destroy us too, I can feel the sufferings of millions & yet, if I look up into the heavens, I think that it will all come right, that this cruelty too will end, and that peace & tranquility will return again. In the meantime, I must uphold my ideals, for perhaps the time will come when I shall be able to carry them out.
• I'm awfully scared that everyone who knows me as I always am will discover that I have another side
• I know exactly how I'd like to be, how I am too... inside. But, alas, I'm only like that for myself... I am guided by the pure Anne within, but outside I'm nothing but a frolicsome little goat who's broken loose... If I'm to be quite honest, then I must admit that it does hurt me, that I try terribly hard to change myself, but that I'm always fighting against a more powerful enemy. A voice sobs within me: "There you are, that's what's become of you: you're uncharitable, you look supercilious & peevish, people dislike you & all because you won't listen to the advice given to you by your own better half."
• You can't imagine how often I've already tried to push this Anne away, to cripple her, to hide her, because after all, she's only half of what's called Anne: but it doesn't work & I know, too, why it doesn't work.
• I can't keep that up: if I'm watched to that extent, I start by getting snappy, then unhappy, and finally I twist my heart round again, so that the bad is on the outside & the good is on the inside & keep on trying to find a way of becoming what I would so like to be, and what I could be, if... there weren't any other people living in the world.

Afterward:

• Lies: "It was Anne, and I ran in the direction of the voice, and then I saw her beyond the barbed wire. She was in rags. I saw her emaciated, sunken face in the darkness. Her eyes were very large. We cried & cried, for now there was only the barbed wire between us, nothing more. And no longer any difference in our fates."
• Audiences greeted it in stunned silence. The play released a wave of emotion that finally broke through the silence with which Germans had treated the Nazi period. For the first time there were widespread expressions of guilt & shame for what Germans had done to the Jews only a few years before... There were audible sobs & one strangled cry as the drama struck its climax & conclusion -- the sound of the Germans hammering at the door of after the curtain went down & then rose as the royal party left. There was no applause.
• But above all, the diary remains. Her voice was preserved out of the millions that were silenced, this voice no louder than a child's whisper... It has outlasted the shouts of the murderers & has soared above the voices of time.