(charisma = warmth + competence)

• add more warmth to your daily interactions:
  • nod to people when passing by in hallways, on streets, etc.
  • say people's names back to them (naturally) during conversations
  • always greet/acknowledge someone when they enter a room, join a call, walk into a meeting, etc.
  • ask questions about the personal photos/affects people keep on their desks, bookshelves, etc.
  • ask others about their weekend plans on fridays/mondays
  • share short personal stories from yr weekends/travels (when asked)
  • remember small personal details about others and check-in on them (e.g., outside activities/sports, kids, partners/SOs, illnesses, trips, etc.)
• add competence to your pitches/presentations:
  • take/keep notes and give written or verbal summaries
  • support yr ideas with facts, figures, or research
  • follow-up with people on important projects they're working on
  • set aside time each week to learn 1 new skill
    • read/finish 1 book per week, complete an online course, etc.
• charismatic flexibility
  • note: the most successful people are flexible with their charisma -- their degrees of warmth & competence (intentionally) move up and down the scale, based on the situation, context, and goal --> it is the flexibility between both warmth & competence that makes you highly charismatic
  • know when to apply/convey more warmth (e.g., social interactions)
    • example: try to increase your warmth during first impressions to be more approachable and relate more to others
  • know when to apply/convey more competence (e.g., business transactions or collaborations, etc.)
• charismatic communications
  • 'the words you use shape people's perceptions of you' -- one of the best ways to be more charismatic is to use your WORDS to match your GOALS
  • to add warmth, use more warm words in yr interactions, emails, texts, speech, and even marketing materials
    • warm words: invoke feelings of trust, familiarity, empathy & rapport
    • more ingroup pronouns (we, our, us) increase positive feelings of people in a conversation
    • business-appropriate warm words: collaborate, excited, engaged, together, connect; 'hi, team' (opener) / 'cheers,' 'best' (closer)
  • to add competence, use more competent words in yr interactions, emails, texts, speech, and even marketing materials
    • competent words: are direct and to the point
    • business appropriate competent words: efficient, productive, strategize, effective, streamline, brainstorm; 'dear/hello x' (opener) / 'thank you/sincerely, x' (closer)
  • note: most professionals think they have to sterilize their communications & use almost no emotional words at all, but this is not true -- this not only hurts your charisma, but it also makes you less memorable and engaging
  • challenge: open your sent email folder and do a self-check -- in your last 10 sent emails, how many warm words did you use? how many competent words did you use? count them up.
    • in your upcoming 10 emails, strive to balance out your number of warm words & number of competent words to be more charismatic overall
• create charismatic first impressions:
  • it's important to create a charismatic first impression bc this sets you up for your entire interaction to be easier
  • interviewers typically decide whether or not they want to hire a candidate within the first 20 seconds of an interview
    • 20 seconds isn't a lot of time, so what matters most here is your body language -- you can use & leverage your body language cues to help you be both warm and competent on the charisma scale
    • warm body language cues should be used whenever you want to come across as warm (collaborations w/ yr team, happy hours with colleagues)
      • examples of warm body language cues: a genuine smile, a firm/confident handshake, a hug/warm embrace (when appropriate), a high-five (when appropriate), an energetic wave (when appropriate), mutual gazing as you meet, etc.
    • competent body language cues should be used whenever you want to come across as competent (job interviews, negotiations, sales pitches)
      • examples of competent body language cues: angling your body towards the other person you're meeting, keeping your shoulders down & relaxed, keeping your torso open, keeping your hands free to gesture as you speak or to wave hello/shake hands, etc., not putting/keeping any barriers between you & the person you're with, etc.
  • remember: you are in control of your charisma cues; to attain a charismatic balance, choose your favorite & most natural warm/competent body language cues and blend them in a smooth, confident manner
  • you can also spot these cues to figure out where someone else is on the charisma scale, and how they are feeling towards you
• make authentic eye contact:
  • eye contact is important for building connections with others, because it produces the chemical ocytocin, which is essential for bonding
  • not all eye contact is created equal -- we make different eye contact w/ different people -- generally, there are 3 types of eye contact:
    • 1) power gazing: when someone's eyes bounce between your eyes & forehead, the gaze stays very high on your face & never drops below your eye line
      • used by highly competent, powerful people to signify their competence to you
    • 2) social gazing: warm gaze; when someone's eye contact bounces between your eyes & mouth and stays in the center part of your face
      • used by friendly, empathetic, cooperative people to signify their warmth to you
    • 3) intimate gazing: when someone's eye contact goes between the eyes & drops down to the suprasternal notch, between the collar bones
      • used to signify romantic interest, etc.
• be purposeful with your eye contact gaze types -- use your eye contact/gazes to signal to others how you want to be perceived on the charisma scale
  • you can also see what gaze signals others are sending to you
• gaze cues are a great way to both be more charismatic & to code the charisma cues coming your way
• use charismatic gestures:
  • the most popular ted talkers by view count used an average of 465 hand gestures, while the least popular ted talkers used an average of 272 hand gestures
  • the best, most charismatic speakers show you they know their content so well that they can speak to you on two tracks: their words & their hands
  • we look to hand gestures for clues on comprehension (e.g., number of fingers to indicate numerals, etc.) - that's because we give more weight to gestures than words
  • think of your hands like a moving outline of your words -- to be more charismatic, think about how you can add more gestures while you speak (tho be careful about using too many, which can be distracting or inappropriate)
  • examples of hand gestures:
    • listing (any time you mention a number, show it as you say it - it helps your audience remember)
    • sizing (is it a small problem or a big deal?
    • personal (gestures to the heart region indicate personal stories or opinions/thoughts)