- “your love is all consuming. you tuck everything you care for between your ribs and keep it all well fed. you are tired- so tired, sometimes, you think it could kill you. but it doesn't. and so every day, you love.”
- “failing in math class, realist, awkward, tells others to leave but needs a hug? good problem solver. and likes orange juice.”
- “you're tired of going apeshit. you just want to be nice.”
- “muted tones with the occasional pop of colour. definitely some takano and/or yoshitomo art somewhere in there. movie screencaps and pictures of hong kong make up the vast majority of your archive”
- “you've got advantage. you're smart, and you pay attention. you know how to stay alive. you're the kind of person that's fine with breaking noodles to fit it into a small pot. you probably plan out all your vacations, and group chats scare you. you have a little too much heart for an apocalypse though, and it might just be the thing that kills you”
- “(the inevitable) time loops that go on forever, knowing a summer love would end in disaster, desperately trying to keep what you once had. change is okay. remember that.”
- “(happiness) you picture yourself inside a hospital after a baby is born. the nurse counts out the fingers, the toes, shows you in assurance, but... you don't trust it. you can't believe it. you stare at your fingers now, counting over and over as if the number will change, somehow, when you're not looking. you've seen the sun set, you've watched colours bleed away in moments. you've watched flowers die under the soft touch of a child, a heel, the very rain that nourishes it. did you know you're not a candle in the wind?”
- “there are bags under your eyes even gucci is jealous of. they're kind of your brand. in the way that things tend to be when mundane things become trends. you're cool, the kind of cool that makes some people intimidated. the kind of cool that makes others want to learn from you. you're also a little mad. but you keep a lot of those thoughts to yourself. there's only so much of yourself you can afford to give the world to make trendy. you are the cool concrete when the lingering heat from the sun finally lets go. remember to introduce yourself to you. don't get lost in other worlds, day dreaming instead of listening, watching instead of sleeping, hearing instead of waiting.”
- “eternity has given you the skills to blend in, but the otherness is a pit inside of you. for some reason you are trapped here and you are making the most of it. there is a stubborn determination to make this place as much a home as you can, and now you have become defensive over it and yourself. no, it is not heaven, but you are free and you are whole and you have a place here. be brave and gracious to these mortals, who all one day will die and leave you here. (you will never fit in.)”
- “people may look up to you for one reason or another, and you might not even know why. you've picked up a lot to carry, be sure to rest sometimes”
- “something in you has died. it doesn't matter if it was long ago, or recently, or choking out its last breaths as we speak; you are in mourning, and you refuse to lay down and accept this fate. this will have grave consequences- you and those around you will feel the chill of grief grow stronger the longer you stay stubborn enough to deny yourself peace from it all. ghosts are created from love, from hate, from hangups; they refuse to let go, and when this doesn't bring them their rest like they so crave, they destroy the rest and peace of others until they get it. don't let the heartache fester- feel it, breathe it, live it. but live.”
- “(otherworldly spirit in human body.) people can easily perceive you as celestial, ethereal. you feel not-quite-here at times, as though a distant place is calling you. remember that everything is a lesson if you pay attention, and that sunlight lands on you as it lands on anyone, which is to say: you are real and it's good that you take up place in the world.”
- “(i think you have a darkness in your soul, but it's hard to tell?) listen, i'm not saying that you experience a strange and troubling attachment to your past, but i'm heavily implying it. you're the kind of person who has to practice speaking normally to people ahead of time. you definitely have an incredibly strange and unnerving inner life that isn't immediately obvious on the surface but becomes clearer when people spend more time around you. how many friends do you really have? what do you think about at night? you're unsettling, pal.”
- “what a strange repressed little man you are. someday it'll all be ok you know.”
- “you either have enough energy to clean the empire state building with a toothbrush or you'd rather get hit by a truck than get out of bed for the next week. you drink too much juice.”
- “you're either numb inside or you feel everything. you want to feel like a kid again rolling in the snow with your friend, but you've grown up. living in the past will do you no good anymore, remember that version of you and strive to make them proud.”
- “(strigoi) your life may seem like one of the most ordinary ones. discretion is your personal language. you prefer movement over sound. if only people looked closer, they would have noticed that your eyes are a little bit too quick and your fingers are a little bit too long. unfortunately, anger gets the best of you sometimes. but when you're not enraged, your mind is white and quiet. you dissociate easily. you often hear people saying they envy your calm.”
- “the world is big and scary. you have a level head most of the time but sometimes there's a big wave and it's all too much. maybe you find solace in being alone or maybe the trees whisper to you, 'it will all be okay, you will live on'. you can't save the world in a day but you will make big changes. and love, please try and get some rest.”
- “people-pleaser, jack of all trades, kind of lost in life. can spend hours doing a particular task, forgoing food or even sleep.”
- “who are you? who are you? who are you? the world passes by without you, strangers walking straight through you as if you're nothing at all. you smile anyways. days pass, and your heart shifts; you, once glorious and divine; you, once nothing at all. who are you? years pass. people pass. you stay. it's cold.”
- “life has dealt you a bad hand, but instead of wallowing in your misery, you're trying your best to make sense out of it. there's way too many things out there you don't understand, so you strive to learn about them as much as possible. still, your lack of control over the whims of the world haunts you, making you push yourself to your limits when you feel like you're not doing enough. your spirit is kind and strong, but your stability is fragile. forgive yourself and don't try to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.”
- “your love is like sitting down on the soft earth late at night with grass tickling your toes and fingers. it's like looking up at the stars and feeling awed and breathless and so small in the wake of them. all of these tiny little lights so far away and yet you can still see them. can reach your hand out to them. and you sometimes think you have one living in your chest, soft buzzing, nestled next to your heart, breathing in time with your pulse.”
- “you're a natural leader and lifelong learner with a heart big enough for all the people in the world (although you've already given your whole heart to just one)”
- “touch, posture, facial expression. you exist in the unsaid, in the words between the lines. you're subtle but succinct, and a bad liar. but not invisible. never invisible.”
- “fade to black, a weary whittling down from billions to thousands to nothingness. we hang on to hope, to happiness, to music and art and life and brilliance but in the end we hold no power in the face of the void. we too, shall die. we all shall die.”
- “(person with a cart full of milk) why so many? party? big family? to donate? i don't understand. maybe you don't understand either. hope you have enough fridge space i guess.”
- “(the god of paint stains) will it ever be enough for you? will you ever get close enough to that fulfilment that you crave? you're so close to being a god yourself that sometimes you forget your mortality. i envy you. i only wish you to succeed. there is no need to work yourself to the bone, he says. you say it's not about the bone. you say it's about what's underneath.”
- “perhaps a bit jaded, but not unwilling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. you have a lot ahead, keep pushing.”
- “slow down - i know you still feel like a student, but don't be afraid to step into your role as teacher. listen to the blood in your veins as it roars through you - there is something to be said for the cruelty you know you are capable of but do not touch. there is something to be said for the way you walk through the world, feet careful and slow and eyes always taking without stealing. as the eagle flies, do not track its path or chart its wind - simply marvel at how it soars.”
- “you hold in your heart fragments of everything that has ever passed through you. the good, the bad, the utterly mundane. you catch it all and keep it. you have a singular talent for holding on tight”
- “(cemetery ghost) asleep under the growing moss, blinking centuries in every bat of my eyelashes. how long i've been asked to rest, the language i first loved in is buried with me; cities burned to ash and sprouted new. there are days i don't recognise the sky. i don't believe i'll taste life again, but spend nights wandering in the grass if only to miss where the reeds might meet me, immovable and undizzied, time drips from its rusted faucet.”
- “(fresno nightcrawler) hahaha oh my god. oh my god your legs are so long. your joie de vivre is unlimited. im terrified.”
- “how does it feel to be carrying this team by being the hottest guy around? oh you're autistic coded and gay coded? wow okay you're literally my hero. go on show all the organics what it means to be alive you beautiful hunk of metal.”
- “you're shin: 50% human, 50% magic user, and if you fuck with him, it's 100% likely you'll end up in a trash bag! you came out the womb a badass and that hasn't changed with age. you're capable and excel in many fields, but you're always happier with a partner to help. you're usually pretty chill, but when you snap, you go absolutely batshit. my advice to you... would be to stop acting so above things. you ain't slick, we know you've got a heart.”
- “you're genuine, and people will probably remember you for that. this specific shade would be your soul, and i associate it with hope. you might obsess over some things, but you always get over it. advice: trust your gut.”
- “tether yourself to the earth. the clouds are beautiful, yes, but you lack any connection to what exactly makes them beautiful. it's the unachievability of it all. but your views are flipped upside down... and maybe that's okay, for this world.”
- “you know what it's like to miss someone so much it's suffocating. like swallowing cotton to try and soak up the love that seems to be seeping out from within you like an acid, corroding you from the inside out.”
- “i don't know what you are called but you are in grocery stores. you are classic, yet mysterious”
- “(70% okay, 30% not.) a good, reasonable balance for a young adult. just hang in there buddy!”
- “(lazy grunge) yeah i get it”
- “oh adonis you little himbo. your story is technically tragic but so much love and beauty came out of it that we tend to forget that you get gored by a boar. you are special. you are treasured. your flower, the anemone, is a symbol of relaxation. as beautiful as you are, you are also so fragile. please be careful with your heart. i love your story because of how much glory comes from it.”
- “(conjurer) wow, you're such an intellectual. do you secretly wish you could take the iq test even though it's meaningless. i get that. it's very charming of you. you're likely a rat. you're probably the type of person who has the motto of ‘if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself’. i mean, you're probably right a lot of the time. you're committed. you're calm on the outside but insane on the inside. you probably are the one who takes escape rooms too seriously. do you listen to mitski. do you read the news app on your phone. you have a higher purpose you're pursuing- something strangely romantic in the face of all your logic and analysis. it's incredible. i think you'll reach it.”
- “you definitely know who you are and you're very responsible. i am sensing that you really like the taste of cilantro. i bet you even know what it looks like. you care for people deeply, but are constantly afraid that you are messing up. maybe you're a bit of a control freak. let go. get plastered like, soon. it doesn't make you better than everyone else because you're together. tomorrow, you will trip on the leg of a chair and you will break an important item. reflect on that when it happens. idk.”
- “peak cheeto girl energy in the best way, you know how to fight and ur one of my fave types of people, strong and cool, you actually have common sense and fun at the same time, please teach me how lmao”
- “(the soldier) righteousness. strength. violence. you see a door and break through it. you wonder, sometimes, if anger is the only thing you can feel. remember : love is passion too. you made your own rules and will follow them to death. you try and forget that there is only one rule, and that it is 'fight'. you are tired of fighting. you try to forget that, too, and keep going. you dream of quiet. your love is where you heal. god knows you deserve to. (really. you deserve to.)”
- “it's bittersweet and comforting and gone too soon, the chill of the room returning all too quickly. but for a moment - just a moment - you feel safe.”
- “(the dog) you're tough and a quick draw on the outside, but if we got down to it we'd see you're acting the only way you've ever known how. it doesn't make you bad, survival is natural, your loyalty and determination is commendable. i don't blame you for the way you act when your back is against a wall, but please remember to not bite the hand that feeds.”
- “(vampire) on the outside i fuck fuck but on the inside i suck suck”
- “(soldier) you are a leader, but only in a physical sense. only as a shield. you wait when you notice someone falling behind. you stop fighting only when your friend asks you to, and stop to consider yourself when asked gently. you know you could ignore them and do as you please, but your friends are everything to you, and often have better reasoning. you are willing to defend and ready to fight, but this might make you doubt your own integrity, your reputation, or even your own trustworthiness, but it makes those around you feel safe. if something frightening comes along, they know they will be safe behind you. you are quiet in public, and you only show this to your friends, but you are one of the softest, gentlest beings on the inside. you guard your friends just as jealously as your own heart.”
- “i spent like five minutes trying to think of something to say to you but i am speechless. good luck out there”
- “your ending is a return to the subway, where it all began. you stare out the window listlessly, in that place beyond the stars, looking over the story that you loved so much. in the end, you can do nothing but watch. the cycle repeats endlessly. you never do leave that train.”
- “it's getting dark out. no one's come by. you didn't even tell anyone you were leaving. and it's so embarrassing to be injured doing something you're meant to be good at. call someone. please. you may feel bad, but they'll feel a million times worse knowing you thought you couldn't ask them for help.”
- “it eats you up from the inside, doesn't it? there's no way you can make up for what they've done for you, and you know that. so why do you still choose to hold on to all the anger? one day, do you think that you'll get repaid for all your suffering? you like to act as if you are superior to those who let themselves be overcome by their grievances, but in reality, you're no better. the grudges that you hold only serve to weigh you down further, like a ship's anchor. maybe, that is a good thing for you. keep a steady routine, and stick to the status quo that led to your pain in the first place, because there's nothing better to do. but how long can you remain like this? are your obsessions with efficiency and structure covering up for a much deeper, painful one? are you afraid to admit that your pain is the only thing driving you forward? the reality of never being able to get closure for how you were hurt is something you don't want to face, because doing so means you were burning a flame for something, someone, long gone.”
- “oh you're loud. you're also very stuck in your own internal logic, often times you're right! sometimes you're not... you're fun to be around, oh especially when you start ranting, but you're a little harsh on yourself. i think you're quite sweet, like rock candies. you're quite insightful when you want to be and you're definitely good to talk to, you listen when you want to. maybe we can take turns ranting, maybe we can go for a drive. i think i can convince you to do some arson”
- “you never move on. never get over things. is it fun? sad? always the punchline of jokes, you try to be serious but at the end of the day you think you're average don’t you? you're so average, just a normal person with a strong attachment to the past. strong attachment to the people around you.”
- “you are tired. so tired. you have seen much. you have been frozen a long time, watching, waiting. you are full of ghosts. full of the past. nostalgia and regrets. time is eating away at you. entropy. you are fading. becoming a remnant.”
- “(there's a light in this room, it's your glowing heart) you want someone to make the nights easier for you; someone to make the gloomy shadows looming over your existence dissipate. you want the comfort of reaching out in the dark and finding a familiar hand, preferably alive. you want whispers in the dark; reassurances and confessions, proof this life is so painful when lived alone. you don't want the hauntings anymore, you don't want any more ghosts and monsters under the bed and under your skin, just someone human. a warm hand over your heart, a soft mouth at the crook of your neck.”
- “(quality time) you, lover of devotion. you, proponent of quality and quantity, because by god who says you cannot have both? you, maker of memories. you take your loved one to the woods behind your childhood home. you take your loved one to a ghost town you saw pictures of online. you take your loved one to the grocery store. you take your loved one wherever, whenever, whatever. what do you have but time and what do you need but eachother?”
- “(box of nails) useful and sharp. not yet rusted. hammered down again and again, but holding everything together.”
- “you know the way the end of a summer holiday tastes? as those last days stretch into an eternity of long, golden, august heat? you know the personality of a hundred sunsets, each noted and cherished? you know the memory of the place you spent your childhood stay by the sea? the unforgettable joy at remembering the face of an old friend? the place you've run away to, twilight town, personifies these things. but it also personifies an edge. it's on the edge between summer and fall, day and night, freedom and responsibility, joy and sadness, reality and unreality. especially reality and unreality. the barrier here is so thin that if you touch it, you could easily break the surface tension, letting the two begin to bleed into one another. you can't stay on the edge of reality forever. this is a place of rest, but you will have to stand up, and walk out, to your responsibility, eventually. however, unlike some of the surreal places you could run away to, this one stays. you will have to go on many journeys in your life, but twilight town will still be here. you can always return to this place. some things change, but the memories, here at the edge of all things, will always be here for you. friendship and loyalty are very important to you. bring them with you every time you come here; bring them and infuse this place with them. you'll make this place a better one for your having been here.”
- “what you want: nothing. you have already landed too hard in your fall from the womb and you have effected change on the world. it is too much, it should not have been allowed. you will reduce yourself to nothing. sliding doors will no longer open for you. you will not be recognised by cameras when they focus on the faces of those around you. you will do nothing and you will not have to worry about the negative space you are creating in the world, devoid of positivity and sorrow. .......... what you need: to go out and buy a fancy pen. like, a really fancy pen that is sold by itself and costs more than it reasonably should. let the nib roll and the ink spill. write i am here i am here i am here on anything, anyone that will let you. make them smile, try not to make them frown. if they frown, try to be kinder next time but be. when you run out of ink, mark the words with your fingernails if you have to. or buy another pen, it's up to you. allow yourself to be and you might like how it feels.”
- “you move at a faster speed than others. there's simply too much to do in this lifetime. you're going to need another one after this.”
- “air moves easily through almost everything, flowing fast across the earth, slow through hair, gentle through the tops of trees. when you want to be aware of the world, you take a deep breath, ground yourself in how alive you are. you want everything—or at least, you want everything to be available to you, even if you don't choose it. the constant passage of time sometimes feels suffocating, like you're watching your options fall away before your eyes. your desire to run your hands over everything you can is good, since the world has so much to offer, but remember that you there is no way to do everything you want to do. learn to prioritise instead of just wandering aimlessly. making decisions isn't a damnation.”
sep 4 2022 ∞
aug 3 2023 +