nights like these (this entire song is gorgeous)

• Strawberry stained fingertips / Chain-smoking, binge-watching Netflix / Bike grease in my hair / Blood on your jeans / Blisters on our feet / A huge grin full of teeth / The California drought / The smell after the thunderstorm / That knocked the power out / Sweat soaks up my handle bars / I want to die with all my scars / If they don't like the way we are, then fuck 'em
• And I stayed up, chainsmoking in the kitchen / 'Til you got home and the curtains were on fire / Fuck, I'm sorry you feel all alone
• __ I place my head between my knees and think / "Do you ever have nights like these?" / So separated from my sense of self / And the shit you keep up on your bookshelf__
• The flea bites laid out on my wrist / The heart shaped blister on my palm / The handlebars had etched, my body's out / On my back porch my brain is fucking somewhere else / On the roof with the flags we torched

FMID

• Lately, I like to take walks after work wearing / Nothing but my undershirt / The wind picking up my eyes / The blood rushing back to my heart
• Have you seen my self-esteem? / It's picking up it's feet out of the / Gutter it was laying in / "Just blowing off some steam" / It's fine, let's walk the tracks until my Shorts are ripping at the seams / We'll drink a forty and play polo in my Single speeded dream / When she gets drunk she calls me loser and / I get worried that I'll lose her and / Have to make a bunch of new friends in another stupid town / And play my GameBoy on the front porch at Pergs, trying to realize / That the butterflies that live inside my stomach gotta die
• We drive each other to out tipping points / There's months of lean blunts, pizza joints / There's nothing like the shit you find out / Talking to your mom so late at night / And even though it's been getting easier lately / It takes a lot to convince me that / People don't hate me, and sometimes / When I'm in the car with you guys / I feel like maybe I'm not that crazy / I'm getting better, and some day / I'll get all this straight inside my head but / Right now I'm still trying to learn / How to keep a steady circle of friends
• Hands shaking in my pockets / I looked at you and read your lips, they said: / "I've got your back if you've got mine."

the cigarette song

• It becomes quite apparent that my life will end / With my head bashed in and bleeding / Crushed beneath your boot heel
• We stand on the levee and my heart feels heavy / Fuck, this isn't healthy, your hand is so heavy / I wish we would both fit on my bike
• But there's just room for one / I ride off to the sunset, gun on my hip and / My brain is a train set: nothing is real / But it runs nonetheless

wichitalk

• You were passed out on the tracks / When I had thought I heard the train / And, so, I carried you through the thick and thin / We were thick as thieves, we were close as kin / Coffee n' nicotine pumps through our veins / As you start to cry I try to explain
• We were in the trench and our clothes were drenched / I could feel the bad news coming to the west coast / I've got forty ounces asking me / "What do you miss the most?" / I feel so fucking selfish while I'm asking you these things / Maybe if we made it out to Oakland / We could drown these rotten dreams / But I've got no excuse / Nothing to blame for the horrid / Thoughts in this wretched brain / Nothing makes no sense so I speak my mind: / "I haven't moved on yet but / God, I'm trying"
• And I was just wondering if your sister was alive / What do you think she'd look like in high school? / When you said / "Come on in, the water's fine" / I whispered, "I don't want to hurt you" / And right now I can't help but ask you / "Do the dead grow older too? / As much as I loved being ten years old / I like to think they do"
• You told me to grow up while / I was throwing up in the Del Mar bathroom stall / It's hard to make amends when your best friends / Stop returning all your calls / And when you placed your hands / On either side / Of my meager frame / Where the fleas reside / With the panicked / Look on my pallid face / I climbed through the thorns and thistles / (I couldn't see shit, so ungrateful) / Thinking to myself / "This isn't happening"

tall black trees

• Moonlight comes in filtered through smoke rings / Next Netflix episode plays and that means that maybe you are staying over / You fell asleep smoking your cigarette / It started to burn your hair / It smelled fucking awful but that's the only thing that I ever want to smell
• The morning sun comes in filtered through smoke / You cooked polenta and mushrooms / And that's the only thing I ever want to smell
• And I have never felt so overwhelmed and anxious / I don't think I've ever seen myself so distant and dismissive / Like when you and I kicked off our shoes / We're standing dancing in your room / And I know that you're going through some heavy shit right now / But I am fucking terrified of all the tall black trees that line / The road that takes us right behind your wild seeking olive eyes / And I don't want to wake up / I don't wanna go to work / I want to die inside your room
• And I don't know how many miles it will take me to escape / Out of this forest I feel growing up around me / And I don't know how many burn marks I will leave before this place / Catches on fire and I burn down my anxiety

freak me out

• A bright light woke me up at two a.m. / Because I fell asleep talking to you again / And I am chasing circles in my head / Alarmed, alone, anxious, and afraid / I'm thinking: / "Why is it that I've got to fall in love / With anyone that gives me any little bit of attention?" / And I know all the reasons / But they'd be so scary to mention / So, some nights I stay up and I get angry / But these days I'm so tired / So, now it hardly ever happens
• And I know I'll feel better in a couple of weeks / But until then I guess it's just you and me: / Just a couple of kooks wearing / Doc Marten boots drinking beer on the side of the street
• And I remember I was cold one night on upper burnside / But I thought about how warm you were / So it wouldn't really matter anyhow / How... / You gave a most tremendous shout / How... / And when the planets and the stars came out / How... / Well it really kind of freaks me out

no brakes

• I stand up at the front of your bed pull down the sleeves / On my beat up black and white wool sweater / I'm squeezing the little red marks on my wrist where I've made some mistakes
• Minds blank and limbs bruised / Stomachs full of black coffee and plantains / In the thick smoky fog of your bedsheets / We have dug our graves
• Falling back to sleep / In the sun in your front yard I think about how long it's been / Since I've felt so full and safe and warm / And I ride downtown on my bike all the same / With my headphone in Eyehategod and no brakes / Days like these got me smiling so hard it hurts my face / I'm going to wake up tomorrow, whatever it takes

red october

• Papier-mâché flasks we'd never drink from / Hand-made opaque masks you'd never think of / An Adderall nightmare you couldn't dream up
• A poster pin-up girl, you'll never meet her / You know you won't get / Back your dad's old sweater / You got to remember that things / They will get better
• And I know that you don't think / I'm coming home and / It's been too many weeks over the phone / And I don't know I long I can go with it alone / Because I'm still trying to learn your do's and don'ts
• Separate separate, medicate your fearful headache / What you make of your day keeps you awake

DIY

• And in 21 years, everything that you have learned it turns and betrays you
• You were scared and very nervous on the first day of school / When you moved here from out west / And the self-righteous sultans of Brooklyn took you in / And you played baseball in the streets / And you were very tired, so the city never sleeps / But I stayed up with you over telephone wires / Right out of this empire state / That claims your heartache
• And if you want something you've gotta do it yourself / If you want something you've gotta do it yourself / Don't sacrifice work for subliminal health / If you want something you've gotta do it yourself

eat your heart out

• "I made this as Kimya Dawson as possible"
• Call me kooky, call me crazy / All my friends have fucking rabies
• This world is scary but that's okay / If we work hard then we can fix it / Climb the roof, turn on the bat signal: all the homies come and kick it! / I haven't seen a bar of soap in weeks but fuck, I feel terrific! / The ocean down the street from my house is anything but pacific
• And if I were to die right now in some sort of

Fiery explosion due to the carelessness of a friend, well that would just be okay and / How the fuck can you live your life with an ambition other than helping others and Having fun, and think that that's okay? / Maybe that's just what I needed to smash into the side of my skull / 16 ounces of Baja Blast as the pickup truck peeled out and drove off / I didn't wake up with my clothes on for the second time this week, I guess that's progress / But it's not cuz I'm not getting any sleep

• __ And if you're gonna kill yourself, well fuck it, it's your own life / And if you wanna kill a cop, remember to yell "fuck life" / And if you're gonna touch yourself, remember what I look like / And if you wanna fuck yourself, remember what I look like

feather river canyon blues is next i swear. i just have to listen to leash aggression first :3