peach

• The blood from a peach runs down your chin / Blunts on the porch, your skin on my skin / Can we count it as moving forward if / It's just a bolt bus to your house?
• We both know we're gonna lie here / Smoking till our lungs turn black / Just us and our bitter hearts / Looking at stars for hours in the back of your car
• And we grow tougher than we feared / That we'd ever be forced to and more tender / Then we had ever thought possible
• our trauma becomes washed out, more abstract than sought out and I know I don't have anything worked out. I'm going to call the people I miss say I can't wait to kiss you, chain smoke on my front step, then lay my head on your chest.
• after all the phone calls, all the letters I wrote you, trying to figure out the words to tell you much I love you; and I know it's hard for you to feel like you deserve to feel good.
• I'm never going to forget all the reasons why I'm not dead yet; and all the cats in my neighborhood, and all the times you asked for help and I couldn't give it.
• We feel lost like kids on the streets / Inside our brains carved by abuse, love, survival / And all those other things one way streets / Internalized as we ride our bikes / They become the neighborhood we grew up in
• After all of the phone calls, all the letters I wrote you / You'd think I'd figure out the words to tell you how much I love you / And I know it's hard for you to feel like you deserve to feel good

plum

• We don't talk anymore, My throat's an ashtray for your worries. Ask me "a boy or a girl?" There are things that make you nervous

black metal

• I never felt more at home than you lighting the pipe for me / Because my hands were on the steering wheel
• Black metal, full volume / There is no way that I could hear you / If there was anything to say

Maybe I hate myself / I hate the body I was born in / Or I love you

• I never felt more at home than our impenetrable fortress of blankets on my kitchen floor / But the innermost wall fell so / We fall back to the last reserve of heat / That we kept in each others mouths / I never felt more at home than / Three hundred and eighty one miles away from home

tall cans

• I'm trying to stay awake riding back to / The park in the trunk of a car in your jacket in your arms / Nothing smears like my lipstick and talking shit / On tall boys over tall cans in the dark
• I've never been that good at standing up to / The way that people treat me but / I sure as hell can tell what you mean when / You're screaming at me that / I will never be able to get close to anyone as long as / I am unable to admit that they are hurting me
• And I miss you more than I miss home, let's set fire to this car / And let the radiator blow
• And I would love to tell you that it gets better / And it does get better but it also gets / So much fucking worse
• Decolonizing my relationship with myself and with my art / And with the capitalist idea / I've got a responsibility to be productive
• But asleep inside that notion of femininity as silence

Vulnerability or patience literally anything but violence / It's just coercion into pacifism like: / "Don't stand up, bash back, and don't ask questions" / 'Cause you'll uncover an objective with / A more materialist intention

• And I would love to tell you all the pointless shit / I did today but we haven't talked in months and / We're a thousand miles away from each others sunburnt bodies, smoking spliffs and climbing trees / At least that's how I hope you will remember me

hot knives

• I'm feeling embarrassed / I let the moonlight get the best of me /I swear I was doing better / Right now I'm just drunker than I meant to be
• Beneath blueberry wine and blunts telling myself / "I'll wake up from this nightmare, roll over to find

Your soft freckled shoulders right there next to mine" / I can't help feeling bitter / I can't help feeling left behind / I don't give a shit / I'm not embarrassed my life's just / Falling apart on the back porch of the house / That we used to live in

• I don't know if it's the hot knives or the old association / Could I still drive this car all night and / Crawl in bed with you in Oakland? / I can't remember how it happened / I got so used to isolation / Now I still talk to you at night to / See you smile and feel you listen
• And I can feel your fingers through the / Burn holes in my sweatshirt / I wind up smoked out in your bedroom / Every time that I get hurt / You pull my hair and I get scared / I steal your favorite sweatshirt / And wear it when I miss you / Months after you're gone / And I can feel your fingers through the / Burn holes in my sweatshirt / While we make out in the bathroom of a house / I've never been before

When I black out we're holding hands and / Laughing in your kitchen / I still struggle to feel stable months after you're gone

take out

• Cool night air stagnant / I smoke off nervousness / Outside the Santa Cruz county bail bonds office / It is an hour or so if we are lucky / Till they let you go
• They said you already left / With who or where to they wouldn't say
• So we ran through the parking lot of the county jail / Our love is the corporation up on the hill / Too big to fail / Screaming your name vaguely / Towards the river levee / We are wolves and this is our howling
• Driving towards the shitty Chinese restaurant / The best deal on this end of town / But that was our self care that was / Our warm red booth that was / Anything that got me to leave my fucking room this winter
• My head feels light / My vision skewed trying to think about how / I feel when I'm hanging out with you / I look down at my lap read the bold red letters / On the take out bag / But all it said was thank you / And please come back soon

milo

• Reminds me of 3am, southern Oregon / Pulled over on I-5 to get even more high than this / All the stars overhead should know better than this / Your quick beating heart is one thing I miss
• Blackberry malt liquor, fucked up expectations of starting over / You hide the plants on your dashboard / I fix your car with tin foil / You know I know by the weight of your head on my chest, tonight, this is enough
• You'll wrap my 3 dollar studded belt / Around my neck and / I'll watch the whole room get dark / Without turning the lights out / Feel your way through the dark / Shotgun beers in the park / To moonlight, grab your bike / I swear this night's not over