flashlight

• Please fall asleep so I can take pictures of you and hang them in my room / So when I wake up feel like, "Yeah. Everything's alright."
• You are still here, you are still happy / You are still smiling and laughing / You are still the only thing and everything I need in my life
• And it goes in in out through the mouth / Breathing exercises / I will never figure out / 'Til I am running in circles / Or (I am) walking in circles / Or (I am) crawling in circles / Or lying on the ground
• And I can hear your dog whistle from my bedroom / Yeah yeah / And I can see a flashlight cutting up the trees behind my house
• She says a lot of the kids we graduated with are now homeless / Which puts them in mad shady situations with mad shady people / If not every day then on an every other day basis
• And she's probably with a few of them right now / And they are probably just drinking and talking about / How she misses getting fucked up and hanging around
• And I can smell plastic burning / I can smell chemicals breaking down / I got your last three e-mails / The ones where you said, "I was sorting some things out"
• And I will read the flashing / Like a Morse Code explanation / That will mean nothing but take all night to figure out, out, out

maps

• There is a map in my room / On the wall of my room / And I've got big big plans. / But I can see them slipping through / Almost feel them slipping through / The palms of my sweaty hands. / And I move slow, just slow enough to make you uncomfortable.
• You say I hate you. / You mean it and I love you sounds fake / It's taken me so long to figure that out. / I used to love the taste. / I would do anything for it. / Now I would do anything to get the taste out of my mouth.
• But you were broken bad yourself / You were mad as hell you felt / If you had done anything with anyone else / It would have worked out so well.
• But you are an artist / And your mind don't work the way you want it to. / One day you'll be washing yourself with hand soap in a public bathroom. / And you'll be thinking, "How did I get here? / Where the hell am I?" / If the roles were reversed / You could have seen me sneaking up, sneaking up from behind.
• She sees these visions, she feels emotion. / She says that I cannot go / She sees my plane in the ocean. / And what about your friends. / Don't you love them enough to stay? / And I say if I don't leave now then I will never get away. / Let me be a blue raft on a blue sea I'll blend right in.

looking like you just woke up

• I love to wait. I love girls with ex boyfriends, that they / Aren't really over / And I love New Mexico, I love places I've never been / I love the idea of places I'll never go
• So I'm swinging like a fist fight concrete colored basement / Alright, alright lets keep this clean, as clean as you'd like / And it probably won't get easier, just easier to hide / Prepare for an aching the rest of your life
• I'm playing dead. I faked my death and I'll keep pretending / If nothing else for the sake of the tradition / And I am confident / Even if it makes no sense. I will say I love you back / To the love that I am given

mountain

• I am climbing up this mountain so I can ride my skateboard right back down it. / But first I am digging myself out of this hole. / I love your eyes, the way they look when you're uncomfortable.
• The door sounded when she shut it. / As if she didn't really have to leave. / She just needed a separator. / She needed something in between.
• I bought fireworks, a big bag in Pennsylvania / I'm gonna light 'em up when I get home to Jersey. / They'll probably arrest me. It'll probably ruin my whole summer.

rhode island

• I wonder how that bike trip's going / I wonder if the government knows he’s hiding / It’d probably take a few more months / Florida’s a long way from Rhode Island
• I watch her rest her hands inside her lap / I try to focus hard cause her eyes don’t make the frame / I try to work up the courage to kiss the bottom half of her face / And Mora cut her hair in Baltimore right before I left / I watch her sitting by herself, talking to herself, / Breathing calmly, then try to catch her breath.
• Casanova just can’t turn the charm on / Or find any of the right vibrations / I know these women if he don’t wanna do it / Then they are probably just gonna make him / You can never tell when they're fucking around
• Everything you’re feeling is common / Even though you never felt so alone
• She says you gotta promise not to break / No matter how far you are bent / She says I gotta shift my position and try to get comfortable again / We both choose the same tone, / mine was an alarm clock ringing from a cell phone / Mouth the words to me so we can keep things quiet / And I’ll still know exactly what you mean. .

the beers

• There's beer in coffee mugs, water bottles and soda cups / And it's clear as the windows I came through / That you are in one of those moods and I am in one of them, too / And it's hard to communicate anything
• And I will remember that summer / As the summer I was taking steroids / Because you like a man with muscles / And I like you.
• It's the cops are coming in type of sobering up / It's a girl who never learned that I could not give a fuck / My friends are happy, I am happy, I have learned to adapt / It's a darker kind of humor and I can still hear 'em laugh
• Yeah, it's an aerial view from your house to my room / And I am looking in your windows, and I am trying not to stare / Holding on to hope I'm sure was never even there

father ( i have a complicated relationship with this song because i love my bio dad but my stepdad however...anyway this song is gut wrenching)

• I have this dream that I am hitting my dad with a baseball bat / And he is screaming and crying for help / And maybe halfway through it has more to do with me killing him / Than it ever did protecting myself / And I believe that yeah, dad, maybe no one is perfect / But I believe that you are pushing your luck
• 'Cause you were high school / And I was just more like real life / And you were okay, okay as a girlfriend, girlfriend / But I was just more like his wife / I'll do the pushups / I'll wear the makeup / I'll do whatever he wants all night / 'Cause you were okay, okay as a girlfriend, girlfriend / But I was just more like real life
• A long, long time ago my great, great, great, great grandfather / Took something that did not belong to him / And that is why today I have an eagle in my veins / I am part Native American / And I am leaving as soon as I come / As soon as I come you will probably forget my name / I hope I fall asleep at the wheel and crash my car (on the way home) / Or I could just stay here, because
• You look good tonight girlfriend / Can I sleep in your bed? / And when I crawl out in the morning / Can I stay inside your head?

swimming pool

• There's comfort in the bottom of a swimming pool / I'm holding my breath for you / There's no doubt in my mind that if you could then you would try / To crack my ribcage open and pull my heart right through
• I'm the last one on the dance floor / As the chandelier gives way / And I am permanently / Preoccupied with your past / I've been around / long enough now / To know that the good things never last / They never last
• There's comfort in the silence of a living room / The TV is on for you / Hide in your basement while your house burns down / Your teeth are loose inside of your gums / They will eventually fall out
• But I'm a creature of a culture that I create / And I'm the last one on the dance floor / As the chandelier gives way / And I am permanently / Preoccupied with your past / I've been around long enough now / To know that the good things never last / They never last
• How low is your self esteem / And how low could it possibly be? / I know, I know you're in love with me / And I've been ignoring you
• I will stop cutting my pants into shorts / I will address the issues I cannot ignore / And I will do the things I think you might like / And I will be alone probably the rest of my life

boredom is the reason i started swimming. its also the reason i started sinking.

• I don't want no drama or baggage / Don't tell me complicated stories / About who you used to be but are different / And have changed as a person completely
• And I am not sure that I want / Any single part of this / Any single part of any of this shit
• 'Cause everybody pays / Everybody's head is in the noose / You're part of a program / Get with the program
• 'Cause everybody comes and falls asleep / Lies awake, pretends to be sleeping / You're not even sleeping / You're prob'ly even listening
• Keep it simple and honest / Stop crying, you're an adult / I could stand up, I could man up / It's just so convenient to be fragile / This pain is constant and sharp / Watching the signals that you send / I wanna feel lethal on the inside / I wanna read American Psycho again

bathtub (another devastating song)

• I am washing my hair with soap / I am sitting down in the shower / It is this dirty type of clean / That keeps me trapped in here for hours
• Still I scrub and scrub until my body bleeds / Convince myself I am coming clean / Forget and ignore who I used to be / That kid is never coming back
• So I will run and run / Maybe drive my car / Baby, look at me now, I have come so far / And I don't know where my family's from / But I've got this stereotypical temper / I cannot shake
• Relax my muscles / And all of a sudden I am scared / All of a sudden I can't breathe / All of a sudden I am nothing / In this moment / You are everything
• She says can you feel that? / Oh, what a marvelous sensation / She says could you please take me off speaker phone / This is a private conversation

legit tattoo gun

• My head has thoughts / What a ridiculous place to start / She said, well, how about my chest / Or, more specifically, my heart
• Whenever I'm alone or feeling lonely / I pretend I can play the drums / Inside my head and I am good / I love these songs / They love my songs
• But I am not a dirty god / And I don't have a dirty body / And I am alone only half of the time / The other half I am only hiding / And she was getting high / Yeah, she was smoking pot / I'm pretty sure I am the only guy / She's hooked up with tonight / But probably, no, probably not.
• Who did I think I was, / Who did I think that I could be? / Oh, how dare me, / Oh, how dare me. / And there's a voice in the back of my head / In the back of my head, says, "let 'em be. / Just let them be happy." / I'm gonna go crazy
• I am the water in a puddle in the shade of a tree / When I freeze over, you are the sun / You cannot touch me / And the tree feels bad / I can tell by the way that it felt / But it still won't move / So, the ice won't melt. / No, it still won't move / So, the ice won't melt.
• But I am not a dirty god / I don't have a dirty body / And I am alone only half of the time / The other half I am only hiding
• Keep my body alive / Keep my arms reaching out towards anyone

hooped earrings

• Come on give me a break, what is the point if I stay, / there’s not that much I can say. / I never really knew your mom anyway. / And now she’s crying in the bathroom. / I’m standing on the back porch for support. / And she is begging you not to cut your hair / cause curly hair don’t look good cut short.
• And you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again. / Yeah, you have gotta do this now or you can never come home / again...again.
• You got a rash on your neck just below the line / where at your shirt stops covering and leaves your skin bare. / It’s such an unimportant detail, / that has nothing to do with anything, / but it's the only thing I remember from when I cut your hair.