• "Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but paddling like the dickens underneath." Michael Caine
  • begin each item with an asterisk
apr 19 2014 ∞
apr 19 2014 +
  • Justin Timberlake
  • Jennifer Lawrence (With Josh Hutcherson)
  • Josh Groban
mar 24 2014 ∞
mar 24 2014 +
  • I was called 85 in High School. Forrest Gump had just come out, and his IQ was 85... so most people assumed that was me. Funny how silly, happy people get confused with stupid people. By actually stupid people.
  • I've thought of you naked. Unless you are related to me. I have an issue where I can't be acquainted with someone and NOT imagined them nude. I apologize for it now. But it prolly won't stop.
  • I am the walrus. Kookookachoo.
  • I can bend both my thumbs completely back, fit my fist in my mouth, do a rockin' back bend and recite the alphabet backwards. None of these things qualifies me for the circus. This makes me sad.
  • I have a Target addiction and Converse lust. The fact that they now sell Converse AT Target makes me believe in a God who loves me... just a little bit.
jun 25 2010 ∞
oct 15 2010 +
  • You are a secret weapon of happiness.- Jordan
  • You're like Altoids- Curiously strong.- Bill
  • I didn't put you in the things that remind me, because you're more of a "front-of-the-mind" person for me- Lionel
  • You're like a human jukebox!- Bill
  • but your body is not the smooth wonderfulness of perfect proportion that it absolutely is- Bill
  • You're so fun and adventurous, and you don't seem to have lost the wonder of youth like most women our age have. Also the sex is pretty mindblowing.- Justin
  • I don't just miss your face. There's sort of a longer list. Much longer to be honest. I think your voice is at the top of the list. Then your eyes, which are tied with your sense of humor. And your curiosity. Then your kisses. Then it all involv...
may 26 2011 ∞
mar 24 2014 +
  • My tights make me need to pee
  • The hot tub isn't hot enough, so I had to go to the farther hot tub
  • I burned my fingers on cinnamon rolls
  • my phone wants to install an update- last time it was such a pain in the ass, all my pics disappeared, all my music was gone, and I had to re-merge contacts, and re-sign into everything!
  • I sent my evite, and got too many autoresponders in return!!
  • Aww, they brought white cake for cake friday....
  • Issues securing testosterone for your gender-switch.
  • I'm getting a chair from the University for my year of service, and I have nowhere to put it.
  • Oh man! My Charleston Chew melted all over my favorite Wonder Woman purse!!
may 23 2011 ∞
jul 30 2011 +
  • Refill Pez Head perpetually.
  • Pretend emails are little space ships and its my job to obliterate them from the atmosphere of Inboxia with my reply gun.
  • Teach the lesson that “confirmed” never means “confirmed”. It means “maybe”.
  • Build a time-space machine that allows me to be at two locations 1/2 mile away from each other at the exact same time.
  • Plan my April vacation (this time I think I hear ukuleles.)
  • Practice my alphabet-backwards skills as I try to find applicant Victorino before Tuttle.
  • Break in my walking shoes. Clear out a space in my file cabinet for my cute shoes.
  • Say goodbye to Thursdays. And hello to pretzels and Orangina.
  • Rehearse my phone mantra, in my somberest...
jun 25 2010 ∞
jun 25 2010 +
  • Edinburgh, Scotland
  • Prague, Czech Republic
  • Costa Rica
  • Canada
  • Mexico- Mazatlan, Chichen Itza
  • Slovenia
  • Jamaica
  • Hawaii
  • Peru
jun 25 2010 ∞
dec 15 2010 +
  • They have a pretty flag- Don't get me wrong, I love our stars and stripes. Quite partial to them, in fact. But I think the aesthetically pleasing award goes to the simple red maple leaf. It must have been much easier to draw in grade school than trying to cram all those stars in that tiny little box.
  • Mounties. Mounties are way cooler than cops.
  • Hockey. I love me some Sharks, but Americans (at least west coast Americans) don't seem to get the whole "beat them to a bloody pulp, then glide over the ice and deliver a pretty shot" mentality.
  • Canadian bacon. On top of my eggs benedict. mmmmmm. Now I'm hungry.
  • Ketchup with mac and cheese! Why haven't we caught on to this delicious treat yet?! I however REFUSE to call it Kraft Dinner. It's mac and cheese, dammit.
jun 25 2010 ∞
jun 25 2010 +

Since the Divorce:

  • I can buy things that are paisley. I love paisley patterns, but the X hated them. Now if I want, I can buy paisley shirts and bed linens. Today at Any Mountain I bought a turquoise and brown paisley purse. X would've puked at it.
  • I can change the channel. I am pretty sure this is a common one for the ladies. I used to relish when the X would go to school, or the store, or sleep.... because I could watch whatever I wanted. I'm not saying I didn't ever want to watch what he was watching, but sometimes.... welll I missed a lot of "I Love the 80's" and that's just sad.
  • I can stop supporting the Tobacco industry. Not buying Copenhagen every other day has freed up my schedule for much else. Like working out! And now when I go to a convenience store, it's for a nacho run...
jun 25 2010 ∞
jul 11 2010 +
  • I'm a fan of: If you got it, flaunt it, because you ain't gonna have it long! However if you don't have it, for god sakes, cover that thing!
  • I'm a fan of: sticking my finger in my belly button. \
  • I'm a fan of: the San Jose Flea Market. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Jose_Fl... I'm not a fan of it moving. I've been going to this thing since I can remember. It's where I first heard about the apocalypse. It's where you could buy puppies right next to fax wax lips. They sell beer from golf carts, fer crying out loud.
  • I'm a fan of being undercover. Being a whitish Messican, and a feminine les, and a former-poor, it's funny what people will reveal when they think they are among "their own." I love being privvy to people saying things they wouldn't if they knew who I really was. Just yesterday, two doctors discussed that they knew what it was like being poor, because they got dro...
jun 25 2010 ∞
dec 15 2010 +
  • Whales
  • Rejection
  • Sounding like I don't know what I'm talking about
sep 21 2015 ∞
sep 21 2015 +
  • If- Rudyard Kipling
  • Hollow Men- T.S. Eliot
  • Dirge Without Music- Edna St. Vincent Milay
  • Sonnet 128- Shakespeare
  • The Jabberwocky- Lewis Carroll
oct 15 2011 ∞
oct 15 2011 +
  • I'm a vegan.
  • No thank you, I believe in restraint.
  • Stop that.
  • Jesus loves you.
  • Leave me alone.
  • I finished everything on my to-do list, now what?
  • I have no interest in going there.
  • Will you stop bothering me, I'm trying to work here!
  • I wish you'd stop screwing around...
  • Careful!
jul 3 2010 ∞
aug 9 2011 +
  • D.S.D.- Originated by Antoine Dodson. Stands for "Dumb, so dumb." Applied to situations that one cannot explain away with logic.
  • Be Vegan- To use the ladies room. From "I need to go pee again.""You need to be vegan?"
  • iCats- Staci, backwards
  • hipstercrite- a hipster who makes fun of hipsters
  • FLR- Filthy Little Residents, or Field List Report
  • RFD- Really fucking drunk
  • FTLOG- For the Love of God.
  • T-shirt Bitching- Complaining about really dumb things
  • Blomp- (Lucy) a little dollop of something
  • Baditudinal- (Sahar) possessing a bad attitude
  • Yigh or a Sawn- a mix between a Sigh and ...
feb 15 2011 ∞
dec 6 2011 +

Thanks Alanis for the title!)

  • Sense of Humor. A Must. Not necessarily a joker, but someone who finds life funny.
  • Nice forearms.
  • A job they love, even if it isn't a career.
  • A positive outlook on life.
  • An itching to DO something most days.
  • Interesting eyes (preferable, not required)
  • A love for the written word.
  • A wealth of pop culture knowledge, or desire to learn.
  • A generous spirit.
  • A good, but not dependent rapport with family
  • A joyful and beautiful smile.
  • An open mind and pair of ears.
  • A non-judgmental soul.
  • A razor sharp intelligence.
jul 11 2010 ∞
oct 15 2010 +
  • Sacred Feminine meets Sacred Masculine
  • Millenial Men and Their Obsession with the Golden Girls
  • Cryptostatistics, aka "how to win any argument by playing with how things are said."
  • The Psychological Disorders of the 100 Acre Woods
  • A Dissection of the Crazy Cat Lady
  • Social Comparisons Between Common High School Cliques and Medical Specialties
  • Jeans as a Social and Historical Indicator
  • Pen Kleptomania
  • Maraschino Cherries- history and future and ecological impact
  • Pre-Mistake Making as a tool for self-growth
  • Lesbians who look like Justin Bieber have a reduced incidence of forehead melanoma?
aug 9 2010 ∞
jul 10 2014 +
  • Weirdest I'm sure- Abe Lincoln. I've always found something handsome in a dignified way about him. Total crush on our 16th president.
  • The Professor from Gilligan's Island- Started my whole "rolled up sleeve business shirt" fetish... yum! Smart guys are hot.
  • Michael Jackson. It was 1985. Tell me YOU didn't. That's what I thought.
  • Michael Landon- a little bit of a crush, but also more of a "celebrity I most wish was my dad."
  • Ricky Nelson- Was really devastated when I found out he DIDN'T look like he did on the Ozzie and Harriet Show. And older than my mom. And dead.
  • Ringo Starr- Out of all the Beatles, my favorite. What can I say, I like goofiness.
  • Theo Huxtable- Not overly weird, and only...
jun 25 2010 ∞
mar 8 2011 +
  • Don't I miss penis? No I do not miss it. It being your purple-headed yogurt slinger. Your wee willie winkie. Just like in Paul Bunyan vs. the Machine. The machine wins. Plastic does not have an "off night." Plastic does not need some "attention" first. And moreover, plastic doesn't require that I clean it up and make it a sammich after. And really the function of the johnson is overrated. Even if I were still "Strictly Dickly" as Andie put it, most night, I really just want some foreplay and the Big O. Protruding, unreliable flesh sticks are not required for these things.
  • "I have a girlfriend" is not synonymous with "Would you like a threesome?" As I mentioned before, we are quite happy with our sex life and don't need your wang to feel complete. That said, one day we may feel freaky and want to invite a male int...
jun 25 2010 ∞
jul 11 2010 +
  • Tchotchke
  • "Curry favor"
  • miasma
  • cacophony
  • plethora
  • indeed
  • precisely!
  • mishigas
  • xenolexia
  • uxorious
  • inculabula
  • hebetudinous
  • alas!
  • Solid!
  • oligopoly
jul 11 2010 ∞
oct 16 2011 +
  • The way that City and Colour make my heart cry
  • The feeling when you first wake up but don't have to get out of bed yet.
  • Dipping your hand into a deep bag of uncooked rice.
  • That moment right before your favorite part in the song then that motion you do afterwards.
  • Dangling a cool metal chain over your hand and slowly lowering it down so it collects in your palm.
  • Opening a book to the correct page on the first try.
  • Pulling the protective plastic covers off new electronics.
sep 22 2015 ∞
sep 22 2015 +
  • Geometry
  • Spelling "chiefs"
  • High finance
  • French grammar
  • The new and old names of all the countries in Africa
  • engineering
  • critical thinking
  • real estate
jun 25 2010 ∞
aug 6 2011 +
  • Halloween- All the staff get's into it and we have trick or treating throughout the hospital. It's fun to watch all the patients get excited when they "knock" on our doors.
  • Candy and cookies and doughnuts, oh my!- For a place that exists to promote health... there is ALWAYS good stuff to eat laying around. From the catered lunches to the See's Boxes, food is everywhere, and excellent.
  • Free medical advice from world-renowned pediatricians- Rash or chicken pox? Is it weird that my kid licks everything? Should I be worried about his eyesight with his new emo haircut? Answers to these without an appointment OR a co-pay!
  • Overall job security- As long as kids fall down and break stuff, or shove things up their noses, or get chicken pox... there will be work to do.
jun 25 2010 ∞
mar 8 2011 +
list icon
  • Get a college degree
  • Acquire enough money to be comfortable with.
  • Step foot on every continent.
  • Learn how to ski and surf
  • Go walking in Memphis. Sing Patsy at an amateur night in Nashville.
  • Learn Spanish and French
  • Publish a critically acclaimed novel
  • See the Northern Lights and that place in Russia with the ice castles.
  • Write a poetry book
  • Grow a vegetable garden
  • Learn how to change tires, check fluid and change oil on a car.
  • Throw a killer party
  • Make a quilt
  • Learn how to paint, from someone I admire.
  • Become a contestant on Jeopardy
  • See the original pages of Da Vinci's note...
jun 25 2010 ∞
mar 8 2011 +
list icon
  • The Last unicorn- no regrets
  • Music from obla di on my wrist to remind me of simple things that make me happy
  • Change D tat into a rainbow peacock hip hugger
  • Vonnegut quote, with self-portrait
  • Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream only at night. Edgar Allan Poe
  • 13 something
  • coyote
  • Medicine (Hygiea) by Klimt
  • Carrie Chau art
jun 25 2010 ∞
dec 15 2010 +
  • Gap toothed smiles.
  • The horn section in John Mayer's "Clarity."
  • The curve of a girl's body, when she's lying on her side. It's almost rollercoaster-ish. High shoulder swooped to a tiny waist, only to peak again at the hip and begin a looooong gradual decline down her thigh. I want to design something that shape.
  • Bring Out Your Dead!! from Monty Python. I giggle like a mad person when the poor doomed geezer begins, "I feel happy! I feel happy!"
  • Red Vines licorice.
  • Knee Socks.
  • The tight way a good pair of broken in Converse All-Stars grips your foot.
  • Surprises.
  • When news anchors break their robotic character and accidently laugh. Especially w...
jun 25 2010 ∞
dec 15 2010 +
  • I am an excellent cuddler.
  • I make people feel very immediately comfortable.
  • I never promise anything,
  • I need to stop dating people who want me to change
  • I think I might like to be traditionally wooed.
  • I will always look, and rarely touch.
oct 15 2010 ∞
dec 15 2010 +
list icon
  • Across the Universe
  • Frida
  • Enter the Void
  • What Dreams May Come
  • The Fountain
jun 25 2010 ∞
jan 12 2011 +