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  • "Compassion and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength." -Dalai Lama
  • "Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." -Lily Tomlin
  • "Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's need, but not every man's greed." -Mahatma Gandhi
  • "Anything too stupid to be said is sung." -Voltaire
  • "You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." -Winston Churchill
  • "Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality." -Jules de Gaultier
  • "The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall." -Mitch Hedberg
  • "The budget should be balanced; the treasury should be refilled; public debt should be reduced; and the arrogance of public officials should be controlled." -Cicero
  • "When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion." -Abraham Lincoln
  • "Only after the last tree has been cut down, after the last river has been poisoned, after the last fish has been caught, only then will you find that money cannot be eaten."
  • "I will make a bargain with the Republicans. If they will stop telling lies about Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them." -Adlai Stevenson
  • "I cried because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet." -Russian proverb
  • "I do not pretend to know, where many ignorant men are sure; that is all that agnosticism means." -Clarence Darrow
  • "Money is how people with no talent keep score." -Michael Hart
  • "If we continue to accumulate only power and not wisdom, we will surely destroy ourselves." -Carl Sagan
  • "Pro Life??? Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers!" -George Carlin
  • "If you don't believe that God has a sense of humor, tomorrow go to Walmart and just LOOK AT PEOPLE!" -Carlos Mencia
  • "You know, I'm sorry. Normally we have all the writers. We've got a big group of people kicking that soundbite around, but right now it's just me. So... let me see if I can, just quickly, whip something up here; erm... erm... ooh! I've got something. FUCK YOU!" -Jon Stewart (Response to Mitt Romney's speech where he declares that allowing the Democrats to win would be a "surrender to terror", Feb 7, 2008)
  • "We love this country too much to let the next four years look like the last eight." -Barack Obama
  • "Success always occurs in private and failure in full view."
  • "Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any."
  • "Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot."
  • "Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle."
  • "I considered Atheism but there weren't enough holidays."
  • "People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life."
  • "Poets have been curiously silent on the subject of cheese." -G.K. Chesterton
  • "A man who smiles when things go wrong knows who to blame."
  • "I believe in dragons, unicorns, good men, and other fantasy creatures."
  • "Teamwork: never having to take all the blame yourself."
  • "When we talk to God, it's called prayer. When God talks back, it's called schizophrenia."
  • "If money is the root of all evil, then why do churches want it so badly?"
  • "Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" -John Mendoza
  • "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."
  • "I had a lovely evening. Unfortunately, this wasn't it." -Groucho Marx
  • "If you're feeling good about the world and that there's hope for mankind and humanity as a whole, all you need to do is read the comments of a YouTube video. You will soon recall the crippling depression of reality and all the ignorance that comes with it."
  • "One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision." -Bertrand Russell
  • "I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it." -George Bernard Shaw
  • "Even true things, once said on Fox News, become lies." -Lois Griffin
  • "Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people." -Eleanor Roosevelt
  • "Affluenza: spending money you don't have, on shit you don't need, to impress people you don't like!"
  • "The level of ignorance of the general public has always been high. With Facebook...everybody can now see what used to be semi-private."
  • "Ocean: A body of water occupying two-thirds of a world made for man...who has no gills." -Ambrose Bierce
  • "THE RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH!!" -Jimmy McMillan
  • "I may not have gone where I intended to go but I think I have ended up where I needed to be." -Douglas Adams
  • "Ask her out, only the right ones say yes."
  • "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." -Michael Jordan
  • "80% of success is showing up." -Woody Allen
  • "Religion is for people who are scared to go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have been there."
  • "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -Albert Einstein
  • "When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead." -Barney Stinson
  • "It's never too late to be who you might have been." -George Eliot
  • "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss
  • "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato
  • "The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" - they may not be smart enough to say "yes." -Keith Olbermann
  • "This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." -Dalai Lama
  • "Hate is not hereditary. It is taught."
  • "Long distance relationships suck. Don't do it. Otherwise, you'll find out he's moved on and you haven't."
  • "Carter and Clinton spent their post-presidency years fighting global poverty and working tirelessly for other humanitarian causes. Bush (with more family money than either of them) sits on his ranch and pouts, then writes a book for profit."
  • "I am glad Mr. Bush is relaxing and enjoying his post-presidency. He needs a well deserved rest for the amount of misery he has caused this nation."
  • "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people."
  • "Fake friends are such bullshit. They throw you away like garbage when they're bored of you. And people wonder why I'm anti-social."
  • "Love triangles are cool but love trapezoids are better... not to mention love dodecahedrons."
  • "Stupidity should be painful."
  • "An empty wagon makes the most noise."
  • "In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In the United States, capitalism triumphed over democracy." -Fran Lebowitz
  • "Love the ones that love you and ignore the rest!"
  • "A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity." -Buddha
  • "The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity." -Benjamin Franklin
apr 11 2010 ∞
may 11 2012 +
user picture A Quiet Life: Good quotes! I'm going to have to steal some. /) jul 16 2010
user picture Aims Ama Amy: -Gasp- So. Do. I. :o) (I know I'm a total random checking out your lists. I hope that's OK. I don't mean to be a creepy stalker or anything). mar 19 2011
user picture furiousrose: haha, that's perfectly okay. I'm totally guilty of stalking other people's lists too. :D mar 20 2011
user picture Aims Ama Amy: Hee hee, glad I'm not alone!
user picture allie: You have no idea how much it pleased me to see Barney Stinson on here! I also enjoyed seeing the likes of Churchill, Gandhi and the Dalai Lama, of course :) may 2 2012
user picture furiousrose: yes that Barney Stinson quote is great, lots of great quotes he had on HIMYM. may 11 2012