<Feelings from June to August, 2016.>

17.06.16 ; 2 am - Feeling fear. There's no danger.

29.06.16; - Breaking in stress. Deadlines. Dead fucking lines. And meeting with Fatima tomorrow to talk about work I did not do.

01.07.16; - The drawing I was working in for 3 days had a glass of water acidentaly torn upon. I cryied senseless. Saw 9 in a pic with ítowai. Hated it to my guts...Raphael got my meds and water and convinced me to start the drawing again.

02.07.16; - Everytime I see people these days I end up feeling I did something very very wrong and guessing I was making everyone annoyed...

04.07.16; - I can't.

06.07.16; - These days I'm too anxious to go out without a knife in my back pocket and I'm starting to feel it's ok.

16.07.16; - Found out ítowai plans to surprise me. I hate surprises... They make me anxious. Especially considering ítowai doesn't know the truth.

18.07.16; - All at sunden I was thinking about Yeflec's twitter account user name back in the day...It had a x right before his name and another right after. Double-crosser.

18.07.16; - This fear I feel makes me doubt every single one of my beliefs. It is an irrational fear, but I can't get rid of it still.

18.07.16; - I used to think my mind was broken. It is my body. Maybe it will never be the same again.

19.07.16; - And I will leave thinking I deserved to be treated like this.

30.07.16; - Cried because of the table I designed and went to bed after 40+ hours of sleep deprivation feeling sick and disgusting and wondering if it would be my last night of sleep cus I was just so anxious.

31.07.16; - I woke up to find out I'm alive.

03.08.16; - Afraid without danger, too tired but unable to sleep. Unmoving. Still. Wondering about exposing eveything, without knowing why, really.

05.08.16; - Feeling misplaced like that awkward moment when the reporter is done talking but they keep filming them, starring quiet and painfully at the camera.

20.08.16; - There's no such thing as not enduring pain or loss. If something does not kill you, it is forced down your throat and you just take it.

20.08.16; - I'm sad, but I feel stronger than I felt in the last year.

22.08.16; - Picking books to buy. Feeling good.

23.08.16; - Thinking about work and not feeling like crap about it. It's a start, I guess.

24.08.16; - Panic Attack. Crushing chest, trembling legs. Afraid to go out tomorrow. Going to bed right now doesn't seem like a good idea.

27.08.16; - Practicing drawing ribbons. Wish I could write, tho.