• Rock climbing last summer. Went too high, had to rely on the strength of my chin due to compromising position/fear
• Freshman year of college. Discovering that Michael Shipman used the pictures he took of me for his "school project" as his desktop backgrounds
• Accidentally spraying Victoria's Secret lotion on my sister's wedding dress 15 minutes before she had to walk down the aisle
• 7th grade, undressing in the privacy of my home and noticing the neighbor staring silently into my bedroom
• Senior year of high school. Jen Howell almost killed me by turning at a green light but not arrow.
• Junior year of high school. Almost killed myself by turning at a green light but not arrow.

• When my grandpa answers a statement with, "Whereabouts?" in that thick country accent of his
• Getting unexpected little gifts, like a Starbucks macchiatto or a chocolate bar, from Dad
• Madea
• NorthMain Yoga
• lessons from Janice
• new haircuts
• the first harry potter film
• this clip

• getting type II diabetes and having to erase sugar from my diet
• paper cutting my eye
• accidentally falling out of a moving car
• falling in love with someone with the last name Roach ("this is jennifer roach reporting...") EW.
• being raped
• not landing a job as a reporter after i graduate and having to live at my parents house unemployed
• being told i am sterile and can't have little jen babies
• marrying a cheater

Finally I get to do these things with my sister in her new homeland.

• ✔ hike Multnomah Falls in the rain
• ✔ build a fire, drink hot chocolate and watch Sex and the City as it drizzles outside
• ✔ go to Italy in her living room: put on the Godfather Part II and eat spaghetti and meatballs for dinner
• ✔ hit up Voodoo Donuts with her diabetic husband
• ✔ sleep for 12 straight hours
• ✔ drive over to Atila's and sample his mom's Persian food after watching Food, Inc.
• ✔ look through the rare books section at Powell's bookstore (some are worth thousands of dollars!)
• ✔ hike through snowy forests to natural hot springs, and soak in a log
• ✔ watch my sister get tipsy after ONE SMALL glass of wine

• Emily: "I like guys who wear scarves!" Daniel: "Well they don't like you 'cuz they like DUDES."
• Cooper: "Doesn't Heidi have class at 8? It's 9." Me: "Umm..." Both: Heidi! Heids! HEIDI! Do you have class at 8?" Heidi mumbles from bed: "i DID have class at 8."
• (Heidi and I, in arnold terminator voice) "vwhat is vwrong wit yoar eyesss?"
• Cooper sleep talking: "mmm...BUT IT'S SO BORING."
• Ryan to Mike: "Call me! ...Please."
• Derek: "Here, we should switch seats. That way you two can have direct contact."

Zodiac sign: Leo

• The most dominant, spontaneously creative and extrovert of all the zodiacal characters.

Chinese element: Fire

• Full of energy and excitement, charismatic, fun to be around, imaginative. Fire people love to laugh and may sometimes do so at inappropriate times. Their faces are frequently flushed.

Myers-Briggs and Keisey: ENFP the “Journalist/Champion”

• outgoing, high-spirited, disorganized, affirming, adaptable, spontaneous, extremely expressive, visionary, introspective, values-oriented, warm

• when i am hiking, i choose a leaf somewhere along the way and carry it with me. i don't know why.
• eat tiny baby minuscule spongebob krabby patty gummies with two hands.
• keep an eye out for crunchy leaf gutter collections, then BEELINE FOR THE LEAVES and squish them systematically, with vigor and immense satisfaction.
• collect strange children's toys, particularly elephants, as decorations for our dorm room.
• print out multiple pictures of a theme (ex. whales, afro's, turkeys, etc.) and tape them in one stall of the hall's community bathroom.

• muse
• passion pit
• phoenix
• eisley
• coldplay
• jump little children
• future of forestry
• switchfoot/tyrone wells
• bob dylan/willie nelson
• n'sync...in the 5th grade
• jimmy buffett...with my entire family
• poco...dragged to by my father
• dan fogelberg...dragged to by my father
• edwin mccain
• trans-siberian orchestra...dragged to twice by my father
• pink floyd tribute...with my father
• harry and the potters...with the spices, hahahahahaa!
• rebecca st. james
• the elms

• along came polly
• the inglorious basterds
• the godfather pt. I, II, & III
• my cousin vinny
• the emperor's new groove
• rainman
• ratatouille
• babe
• definitely, maybe
• the lion king
• just friends
• the revolutionary road
• almost famous

• Dido
• Enya
• Kenny Loggins
• Michael Jackson
  • this was more true before he died and suddenly became popular
• Gilmore Girls
• Evanovich novels
• eating other people's leftovers
• Project Runway

• “He barked like a dog and he rapped. He was a rapper.” Lance Laury
• "Big house, long hallways, got ten bathrooms, I can shit all day." Lil Wayne
• "You shouldn`t throw stones if you live in a glass house and if you got a glass jaw, you should watch yo mouth: cause I`ll break yo face." 50 Cent
• "Am I James Todd Smith now or LL Cool J? Pick a name baby. Pick a name and ride with it." LL Cool J
• "Thanks for all the police protection -- courtesy of G-Unit." Fat Joe
• "I`m not the type of actor who is trying to do a whole bunch of different shit, you know what I mean? " Ice Cube
• I appreciate the people showing me love, but that shit can definitely get annoying, people screaming, "What?!" at you all f***** day. They don`t understand that you can`t be crunk all the time." Lil Jon

"YOU'RE KILLING ME, SMALLS!"

So far:

• Saturday morning garage sales
• Visiting the old day lily field and remembering favorite flowers
• Cooking class with Mom
• River wading in Broad River in Columbia with Tas and friends...and Ivan.
• Cliff diving at the lake
• Peach picking in Greer county with Mom and Dad
• Learning how to mow the lawn
  • Doing it confidently, without slipping, falling and chopping my own feet off
• Weekly tradition of watching Secret Life in horror and amazement with the Spices
• Discovering Arrested Development, Quentin Tarantino films and Will Ferrel's "The Red Ships of Spain"

• Barfly, Ray LaMontagne - July 19

• bonnie LINGERFELT

• greenday
• nickleback
• the word "curd"
• getting forwarded political emails from my father
• political discussions in general
• COCKROACHES
• money
• misplacing things

• tennis: marathon
• swimming in speakers: in knowing
• unkle: with you in my head
• bon iver: roslyn
• jully black: Running
• band of horses: life on earth
• band of horses: infinite arms
• sigur ros: ba ba ti ki di do
• jonsi: go
• jem: finally woken
• animal collective: fall be kind
• mgmt: congratulations
• ivy: edge of the ocean
• lilly allen: everyone's at it
• keane: night train
• paper route: cityscape
• minus the bear: pachuca sunrise, knights (P.O.S. remix)
• alison kraus
• passenger: four horses
• El Ten Eleven: Connie

• no motivation/work ethic/initiative
• in other words, lazy.
• looking sloppy for the first date
• or in general.
• boring
• bragging about working out 24/7
• shiny gold necklaces
• smoker
• bad student
• not opening doors
• texting using "2" or "u" or "wat" etc.
• no sense of humor
• gauges
• rude to the waiter/strangers
• attitude of the victim
• whiner
• downer
• arrogant
• spiritually stale/indifferent
• bad hygiene
• feminine characteristics

• not so good
• i propose, to myself, that i run 3 miles twice a week
  • Monday night, Friday morning
• it's funny though, because the last time i did this, i was 16.
• I added CNN on twitter for quick updates. This is good!
• Unfortunately I have only been on twitter twice in the past two months.
• My morning prayer times have not been happening. I will fix it by going to bed earlier.

• lateness is a guarantee
• i like to redefine it as a virtue
• unfortunately not many people agree with this
• spilling is another guarantee
• so is my tendency to be a *little* absentminded
• i also might eat all of the candy on the secretary's desk that is supposed to be for the clients
• i forget...sometimes
• my hair won't curl
• i don't own a car

Why have I not done these yet?

• Write Morgan's recommendation
• Get Marquesita something funny
• Do my chapel make-ups
• Send:
  • Rachel's present
  • Marquesita's present
  • Morgan's card
  • Money in an envelope to Cooper
  • Chapels
• Make a journal for Rachel's Christmas present
  • Buy an old-fashioned book
  • Buy ribbon, lace, and buttons
• Make a tiny journal
• Do FAFSA crap. I don't want to.
• Apply for the Brown scholarship? I know I'm lazy though.
• Call Brookwood about volunteering

• Fajitas
• Papayas
• Mustard (this is a condiment but I still hate it)
• Pickles
• Fig Newtons
• Ginger
• Tofu
• Gnochi
• Salmon

• Me (whispering): "Ughh...it's my lady time." Marquesita (loudly): "What, the time you bleed?"
• Marquesita: "I saw your boyfriend today. He was like 'What's up?' and I was all 'Uh...the sky' and he started using all these big words and I just kept walking, I was like, 'I'm blonde...peace out.'"
• Professor Oleson: "Consultants came into the station and told us that everyone looks like a season on camera. I was Autumn Boy." Marquesita: "OK wait so there's Summer, Winter, Fall, and...Spring?" Me: "Yeah. That girl looks like Fall, or, haha, Autumn." Marquesita: "Wait, Autumn? ...I thought there were only 4 seasons."
• Me: "It sucks though, because you can't wear the pretty ones all the time." Marquesita: "Yeah, I only wear nice bras when I know a boy is gonna take my shirt off." Boy sitting next to us: ...

• college students who screw up too, two, to and their, there, and they're, and your and you're GET IT RIGHT YOU ARE NOT FIVE YEARS OLD
• slow walkers that clump together and clog up my pathway
• kitchen workers that don't use hairnets
  • i had two traumatizing experiences in high school when i found long, thick, black curly hairs in my garden salad. two separate occasions, and interestingly the cafeteria ladies did not wear hairnets.
• people who drive slowly in the left lane
• people who stack dirty dishes in the main sink instead of the attached, useless sink with no drain. or instead of just...cleaning them. I can't use the tap if it's a crazy mess.
• people twitching their toes/fidgeting constantly when sharing the couch

• News reporter or PR Specialist?
• The fox is my new favorite animal.
  • I announced this to Jennifer Howell yesterday in Blockbuster, and a creepy man overheard me and asked if I was sneaky.
• I can't date anyone who walks slowly (unless he is super awesome in other ways). MAKE HASTE (but not too much haste because that is unhealthy; not bullcrap).
• The more I think about it, Heidi was right. If I were a non-human thing, I would be a hummingbird.
  • small, hyperactive, sugar-obsessed
• I overcommitted myself for the upcoming year at Biola.
• Why did my livejournal die?

• See the Grand Canyon
• Hike through Zion Canyon
• Visit NYC
• Ride on an elephant
• Go on a missions trip
• Swim with dolphins
• Go to Paris
• Go bunjee jumping
• Become a yoga instructor
• Visit a real blues bar in Chicago
• Go sailing
• Adopt a basset hound
• See DMB live
• Go to a Sufjan Stevens concert
• Ski a double-black diamond run
• Backpack in Europe
• Drive from coast to coast
• Go sky diving in New Zealand with Lindsay
• Visit Ireland for St. Patrick's Day
• Go scuba diving

• Thanksgiving Day
• Jumping into a pool fully clothed
• Heights
• My heat-trapping coffee thermos
• Perfectly glossy, manicured hands
• Home videos
• Stomping on crunchy leaves
• Energetic elderly people
• Words of affirmation
• Steve Madden shoes
• Sirvasana and Child's Pose
• "Where's Waldo" books
• Campfires
• Heavily creamed, strong coffee
• Reese's peanut butter cups
• Cheerful whistling
• Driving through the mountains in the fall
• Getting back an 'A' paper
• Accents
• The smell of old books

• ✔ Get a job as a reporter, anchor or producer
• ✔ Get a basset hound
• Buy him things:
  • ✔ Crate
  • ✔ Bed
  • ✔ Dog bowls
  • ✔ Toys
  • ✔ Leash, collar and name tag
• ✔ Unpack/Tidy up my room
• ✔ Repaint it
• Buy a bigger bed
• Get new furniture
  • Dresser
  • ✔ Mirror above desk
  • Stool
• Order a white duvet cover
• Make Amanda's video
• Design and order business cards

• go on a bicycle ride in the evening after work
• chapels
• buy lindsey a welcome home balloon for tomorrow!
• start working out again
• make it a habit
• lounge at the poolside and read
• finalize loan at fed dept. of education
• organzie total loan information on spreadsheet
• fix my playlists
• finish stephanie plum 16
• furniture shopping for apartment
• buy a hilarious shower curtain for apartment
• call Biola about classes
• Set up meeting with Amanda at station in ATL
• Get mom to order Chance, Chanel
• Go shopping for professional clothing

• when invited over, they won't go empty-handed
• after finishing their meal, they will be conditioned to clean the kitchen and do their effing dishes
• boys will open the doors for females
• they will learn to share. because i refuse to have a selfish only child. i will procreate more than one time. or adopt. just for this reason.
• read books. for fun. because if i raise a house of poor spellers/non-creative/unintelligent future leaders of the next generation i will cry. EVERY dumb person i have met did not read as a child.
• my boys will defend themselves against bullies instead of being wimpy little pacifist push-overs

hopefully if i get all girls i will learn to mask my disappointment.

• this college "essay" on 4chan
• old spice's commercial
• biden's sneeze
• the huffington post's article on "mathsputin"

"I've been dating since I was 15, I'm exhausted! Where is he?!" -Charlotte, Sex and The City

• a man who can spell definitely
• appreciates and shares in my sense of humor
• draws out my weirdness
• knows how to have fun and not take himself too seriously
• enjoys most or all of these: dumb and dumber, hot rod, talladega nights, snl's best of will ferrell, zoolander, it's always sunny in philadelphia, arrested development
• a strong leader who knows who he is and where he is going
• SMELLS GOOD
• deeply loves God
• someone who can protect and hold me, preferably with attractive muscularly toned shoulders
• someone who is pleasant, who doesn't whin...

• I don't know if I have ever felt lazier than I feel right now
• At 3:21PM, I am finally dressed for the day
• This doesn't even matter because I have no plans that involve leaving the premises
• These are my only accomplishments for the day:
  • I have showered
  • I created and played for myself a "2009 favorite" playlist
  • At last I called the telemarketing people about a temporary job
    • Sue did not answer her phone. I am annoyed because this means I have to call back. I left a voicemail anyway. So this is only a half accomplishment.
  • Ate a muffin

• an incomplete to do list
• crumpled napkin
• nearly empty bag of sour gummy worms
• ESV travel bible
• wallet
• ZING sugarfree gum
• $50 christmas cash from big fred
• broken pen
• another broken pen
• Avatar 3D ticket stub
• rasberry lip balm
• jason's deli receipt from lunch date with lexi
• AE outfitters receipt
• CO Bigelow Violet Mint lip gloss
• 4 bobby pins
• 2 Quarters, 2 dimes, 2 nickels, and 10 pennies

vulgar, yeah maybe, but entertaining.

• (216): ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
• (432): I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
• (559): Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
• (337): Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
• (703): BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
• (980): you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
• (603): GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED (1-603): I feel like half our conversations start this way.
• (402): meow (1-402): WTF. STOP SENDING ...

i have been here for over 2 years and still haven't done these things yet. how distressing. BUT I WILL FIX IT:

• participate in a TV taping
• get an internship, because this is the #2 market!
• be on The Price Is Right
• find another hole-in-the-wall authentic mexican restaurant
• shop at the farmer's market
• scream at knott's scary farm
• go to a pumpkin patch and pick out a good one
• tour the getty museum...and laugh at the funny art that's not meant to be funny
• visit the griffith observatory
• hike to the hollywood sign
• stroll down the hollywood walk of fame
• eat at an exotic restuarant...malasian, maybe?
• L.A. ZOO!

• EXCITED
  • because I finally made the jump and decided to become a news reporter
• SCARED
  • because Dorothy is about to give me hell
• HUNGRY
  • because I haven't eaten in 3 hours
• REBELLIOUS
  • because I did something really really bad last night and can't stop giggling whenever I remember
• OVERWHELMED
  • because I made too many commitments for this semester and am having to face them now
• LAZY

• graceful
• punctual
• low energy
• methodical
• orderly
• quiet

• You're Still the One Shania Twain
• Follow Me Uncle Kracker
• Breathe Anna Nalick
• Cowboy Take Me Away Dixie Chicks
• Landslide Dixie Chicks
• My Love is Deeper Randy Travis
• Jingle Bell Rock Randy Travis
• This Kiss Faith Hill
• The entire O Brother Where Art Thou? soundtrack

THAT'S IT

• Nails on a chalkboard (it is a cliche for a reason, you know.)
• Clutch grinding on the wrong gear
• Jimmy Buffet's "Don't Stop the Carnival" album
• Retching
• White noise
• Metal crunching from a car crash
• Someone playing the saxophone who really shouldn't