Stolen from Monica.

• If I were a month, I'd be February.
• If I were a day of the week, I'd be Thursday.
• If I were a time of day, I'd be 4AM.
• If I were a planet, I'd be Earth.
• If I were an animal, I'd be a cheshire cat.
• If I were a direction, I'd be backwards.
• If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be a cotton-stuffed, beanbag chair.
• If I were a historical figure, I'd be Marilyn Monroe.
  • (why, yes. she is a part of history.)
• If I were a liquid, I'd be grape Kool-Aid.
• If I were a gemstone, I'd be ruby.
• If I were a tree, I'd be a palm tree.
• If I were a tool, I'd be a man.
  • rofl. monica's answer.
• If I were a flower, I'd be a daisy.
• If I were a kind of weather, I'd be an indian summer.
• If I were a musical instrument, I'd be an electric guitar.
• If I were a color, I'd be neon green.
• If I were an emotion, I'd be ecstasy.
• If I were a fruit, I'd be a red/yellow apple.
• If I were a sound, I'd be the "Oh, shit!" gasp that you make when you get caught doing something wrong.
• If I were an element, I'd be an element...
• If I were a car, I'd be a 1950's Mercedes Benz.
• If I were a food, I'd be a bag of Funyuns.
• If I were a place, I'd be Redlands, California.
• If I were a material, I'd be cotton.
• If I were a taste, I'd be bittersweet.
• If I were a scent, I'd be chlorine in a swimming pool.
• If I were an object, I'd be a pencil.
• If I were a body part, I'd be the heart.
• If I were a facial expression, I'd be a mischeivous grin.
• If I were a song, I'd be a rural, rock and roll ballad with a mixture of random staccatos and guitar rifts somehow joined with a sick pop beat.