Since starting my new job, I have found my favorite person to be the sweet little Norwegian alterations lady. She's like the Dr. Weiss of the DB.

I have a list in my phone but I need a more permanent place for them. And they need to be shared with the whole world.

• "Do you know what they call Laurel? A horse shit town."
• "On top of that she was from Laurel. I should have known she was from Laurel. They are a different species there."
• "Did you shave your pits today?" -me
  • "Not before I came to America. They made me or they wouldn't let me in." -Bjorg
• "You shouldn't ever be a cop. You like to point things at me and you would shoot everyone." -Bjorg to me. And she's probably true.
• "Do you wear pajamas?" -me
  • No!!! Nightgowns! Duh!" -Bjorg
• "You are so bizarre." -Bjorg to me. Except the way she pronounced "bizarre" was bi-ssss-aaaaa. So now I say it that way all the time. You are so bisah.
• "I hate to put clothes on. I'm claustrophobic in my clothes."
• "A ding-dong clock. The one that says ding-dong." (She meant Grandfather.)
• "There is more poverty here than anywhere else. Have you been to Walmart?"
• "When Brigham Young was gathering his sheeps..."
• "Those guys are kind of creepy." -Me
  • "Well, that's why they hire Mexicans." -Bjorg
• "Bjorg are you upset right now?" -Ellen
  • "I'm so upset that I'm going to say a word I've never said before. .......I'm pissed!" -Bjorg
• "Her thigh is bigger than my waist."
• "I don't have any pins in my lapel today." Except she pronounced la-pel like layple. And was serious.
• "I don't want to go back there and sew any more junk."
• "I'm going to buy a real gun because you won't behave."
• "I'm worried the size 6 won't fit me up here." -Mandi
  • "Just stuff it with a bunch of bra cups." -someone
  • "Then when Jade takes it off he will say, 'but I wanted one with boobies.'"-Bjorg
• "I'm going to Costco for pizza."
  • "But Bjorg that is going to be like $5."-me
  • "No it will be $1.50 for a piece thaaaaaat big."-Bjorg
  • "But it will clog your arteries."-me
  • "Oh I don't care about that part."-Bjorg
• "...Then I'm going to start having babies."-Me
  • "On purpose?!!!!?"-Bjorg
• "Do you pay for your own trip?"-Bjorg
  • "Yes."-Me
  • "With the money you don't make here? You'll be so poor you'll have to eat bugs."-Bjorg
• "Suck in your tumtum."
• "You look like a stuffed hotdog."
• "They keep not coming!!!!"
• "If you would stop texting you would have time to do your plumbing."
• "Does it look like I've never had food before?"-Bjorg as she stuffed her face with my lunch.
• "Tastes like I'm in an olive garden!!!!"
• "Why can't I be allowed to be sick? If I were sick then I would have to go get vinegar and get better. I can't afford to lay down and die."
• "I need a picture to remember you by."-Me
  • "You'll remember me when I slap you."-Bjorg
• "Your nose is still the same."-Me
  • "Sorry I didn't change my nose."-Bjorg
• "How many kids do I have?!?!"
• "Ohhh, what they can do with a zipper!!!"-about my shirt
• "You have to be black when you're there!!! You have to blend in!!!"
• "They make me clean the bathrooms. I'm not Mexican."
• "Are you excited to go back to Ethiopia? Of course you are. It's just a fancy vacation."
• "Bjorg, Saturday is my last day."-Me
  • "Yep. When will you be back?"-Bjorg