• when i enter the house, it is not polite to shove your nose into my crotchal reason.
  • it makes me think that everyone else thinks i'm on my period. and i don't like to inform people of that bodily function.
  • but, especially when you are my dog, you do not need to perform this activity.
• dogs do not have patience.
  • for example: when i go down the stairs and my dog decides to follow, she instantly needs to be in front of me, and manages this by knocking me out of the way. but, she won't go down first, or on her own, unless i'm already half way down the stairs.
  • this is especially prevalent when i am carrying multiple, heavy, awkward, or hot items.
• dogs do not share well with others.
  • when we are playing "fetch," i throw the ball, you bring it back. you do not need to bring your ball to me and then run off with it and drop it under a pine tree, in mud or dirt, in water, or anywhere else besides my hand.
  • when i pet, talk to, play with, etc, another dog, you do not need to get 10 kinds of jealous and take out the other dog to gain my attention.
• dogs do not play well with others.
  • see previous.
  • when dogs "play" with other dogs, they always go for the vital areas: neck, legs, ankles.
• dogs are greedy.
  • when i give you a treat, do not expect more than one. therefore, do not repeat your trick multiple times expecting a reward.
  • rustling sounds do not mean you're getting a treat.
• dogs do not respect personal property.
  • my panties are not a chew toy.
  • neither are my shoes, shoe laces, strings from pants, rugs, blankets, books, pens, money, wires, movies, cd cases, towels, boxes, cork board, push pins, homework, belts, hats, socks, flowers, gum, lotion and perfume bottles, nalgene lids, cell phone, purse, apron, uniform tie, name tag, garbage can, and junk in garbage can. thank you.

even though i'm hatin on dogs right now, i lova love my puppies.

• dogs have short term memory loss slash excessive lack of patience
  • no matter how many times i take you outside to potty, you still go in the house.
  • and no matter what measure i take to train you, you still forget that the carpet is not the grass.