Here's the story: Today, Evan and I ate at Quizno's. Some dumb high school skank came in with her skirt 3 sizes too small and hiked all the way up to her ass. It's also practically blizzarding outside PS. I, of course made a comment, and as we were leaving, Evan said, "What do you think she would do if I told her she had a cute butthole?" Which sparked more conversation in the car about what we should have said to the dumb ho. And thus, this list was born.

• Time to change your razor, you missed a patch.
• You probably shouldn't have forgotten to shave your ass if you planned on showing it off that much.
• Wow, how do you get your ass that smooth?
• I can see your soul! (Inspired by TFLN.com)
• Cute butthole *wink*.
• Black? Cute.
• I can see your tampon string!