- ok. someone once came in and "designed" the way the tables should be. they decided that certain tables should have 4 chairs, others 2, and others 6 or 7. so, if you feel then need to move chairs around and rearrange, get over it.
- don't order a water unless you're going to drink it. we do not have 6300 glasses to waste on something you're going to just let sit there.
- ok, let's go over the tipping procedure again:
- 10% is not ok.
- i understand that times are tough, but this is our job. just like you have your job. so if you're going to utilize us, pay us. not that hard.
- 15% is ok, 18% is better, and 20% is great. thank you.
- don't sit at our tables either before or after your meal for long periods of time without paying for it.
- verbal tips, don't even.
- "you're a great server" "thanks so much, we appreciate it" etc do not pay our bills.
- think about how much shit you made us do. like refills, running back and forth, stupid questions, etc, pay us for it.
- we have this thing called a menu. on it, everything we can serve you is listed. i guarantee, that if you read it, you'll probably learn what is in every dish.
- i understand if you don't understand what "carbonara" or "capellini" etc is. please ask. i'd be happy to tell you.
- but, "does the chicken alfredo have peppers?" um what does it say on the menu? peppers? no? ok. thanks for wasting my time.
- you do not need to scarf down 35 sodas before i even take your order. can you not see me talking to multiple tables? yes? then obviously i don't have time to be your personal servant.
- do not tell me you're ready to order the split second you sit your ass down. i don't care that you're in a hurry.
- this is my job, i'm here to make money, just like you have to go back to your job to make money. so do you think i'm going to keep you here all day? no. ok then chill the fuck out.
- if you do tell me you're ready to order, i'm going to take my sweet time. then you will be here all day. so calm down.
- do you have rules at your job? yeah? well so do we. so, don't freak out when you infuckingsist that we take your order and then don't come back with your damn soup and salad. have a sip of your water with fucking lemon and chill out.
- ordering immediately is not going to make your food come out any faster.
- if there are a million of you in your party, and you all need separate checks, please sit with the members of your party. i do not give a rat's ass if it is your soon to fucking be ex husband who is also a serial rapist, sit down next to him so i can freaking keep you all straight. because i guaranfuckingtee that you're going to be in the biggest fucking hurry of your fucking life to get back home the second i box up your food so when i forget who goes on whose ticket because you're all sitting as far away from the rest of your party as fucking possible, you're gonna ask me about 16235 times for your fucking checks. i am on it. this isn't my first rodeo, cowboy. calm your shit.
- i do not aspire to be a server. so please do not treat me like i am some piece of shit no good unschooled idiot who has the absolute fortune of serving your greedy ass. because i would rather not.
- i am also not a dirty person. believe it or not, we get inspected by the health whatever it is. so, we are a pretty fucking clean restaurant. so, don't freak out when i ask if you want a lemon in your water, or if i can box up your food. guess what? i shower. i also wash my hands about 5340 times a day. do you think i want your fucking germs? also, we wear gloves and hair nets. you can't touch the lemons but you eat the food? ok oxymoron, get over yourself. also, lemons are a natural disinfectant. so go shove that tidbit up your self righteous ass and stop being so uppity and smart because obviously you're not.
- if someone messes up and you get some part of your meal comp'd or you get free food, then tip accordingly. you probably just got between 10 and 15 dollars of food, for FREE. hello. if you're going to tip 3 dollars, how were you going to pay for that extra 15?
- likewise, if you work at the restaurant, or it's neighbor, and you get a discount, TIP. hello, I KNOW YOU.
- when someone, besides your actual server, brings something to your table, do not freak out. we work together to help you. just be thankful that someone brought it out. or would you like your food to get cold, your drink to go unfilled, and to not have 1359 more breadsticks tonight? chill.
- and, do not ever say, "she/he wasn't a good server because someone else refilled our drinks/brought our food/ran our credit card." oh yeah, well sorry i have shit to do and you're fucking needy. ps. that doesn't make someone a bad server.
- The following two will not make sense unless you work at the OG.
- First: when I'm getting >1 basket of bread and I set my tongs down while I prepare my next basket, and you pick them up and use them and then hang them up. Can you not take 3 seconds to stop being so self involved you can't even notice that I was using those and still am using them and hand them back to me? Because usually I'm on the far side of the counter and have to walk all the way around it to grab the stupid tongs that you could have, just as easily, handed back to me.
- Second: also dealing with bread, when there are multiple people getting bread, and I am togoing, I usually take the spot where there is nothing on the counter. I stand there because then I can set my bags down and not be in anyone's way. Usually people come and go as I fill my bags and I stay put. And there is a certain someone, who I already don't like, who tends to come stand reaaaaally close to me and wait for me to move. Even if there is no one else getting bread, he still gets close and waits for me to move over. Rather than just grabbing a tong and going around me.
- It bothers me that he stands so close, that he stinks, that he is usually coughing on me, and that he is sweaty. And it also bothers me that he is one of the people in my previous asterisk, and also that he is too dumb to use the other 5 feet of counter space.
- When kitchen employees decide that they need to run a weekly time card on my computer when I am togoing. OK first of all, this takes like 5 minutes for the computer to print. Second, you do this a) at like 5 when I am super mega busy, b) when I am standing right there about to use my computer c) on a Monday when you worked 5 hours just now.
- Also, do not ever log me out or I will magically make all your hours disappear.
dec 22 2009 ∞
apr 6 2010 +