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things I want to remember:

  • this picture --->
    • any pictures I took with her
  • her foreign-looking handwriting
  • the way she always spoke to me in Spanish, regardless of the fact that I always responded in English
  • FOOD
    • empanadas
    • bocadillos (fried spinach)
    • banana bread
  • that one time she randomly told me to stick out my tongue and told me, "the longer the tongue, the bigger the whore"
  • taking naps with her when I was little
  • going to church with her, even though I didn't believe in anything (and she was Catholic, so I don't even believe in that stuff now)
  • the softness of her face/her whole body when I hugged her
  • always willingly kissing her on the cheek EVERY time I passed by, even during an earthquake when I was running to get under a table
  • watching TV with her
    • Providence
    • The View
    • Emeril
  • sitting at the table and sharing fruit with her
  • the fact that she taught me to tell time while we were sitting outside of Mervyns (or Macys) on a bench at the mall while we were waiting for my mom to return something
  • the way she seemed to snap out of her sickness the day before she died when she said, "I love you, Alex" (it was the last thing she said - ever)
  • "¿A dónde fuedon chiiiiiicas?" (basically, "Where were you giiiiiirls?")
  • I don't want to forget ANYTHING
      • the way I died inside when she died, but I didn't cry, and now I can't stop, and it hurts writing this list

things I wonder:

  • was she a gay hating Catholic? (I REALLY doubt she was)
    • would she be able to accept the fact that I'm bi?
  • does she forgive me for that bowl of soup? (long story)
  • if I were to die right now, would I see her again?
  • will I ever see her again?
  • is she "up there" with our dead neighbors and pets?
jan 17 2009 ∞
jan 21 2009 +