things I want to remember:

• this picture --->
  • any pictures I took with her
• her foreign-looking handwriting
• the way she always spoke to me in Spanish, regardless of the fact that I always responded in English
• FOOD
  • empanadas
  • bocadillos (fried spinach)
  • banana bread
• that one time she randomly told me to stick out my tongue and told me, "the longer the tongue, the bigger the whore"
• taking naps with her when I was little
• going to church with her, even though I didn't believe in anything (and she was Catholic, so I don't even believe in that stuff now)
• the softness of her face/her whole body when I hugged her
• always willingly kissing her on the cheek EVERY time I passed by, even during an earthquake when I was running to get under a table
• watching TV with her
  • Providence
  • The View
  • Emeril
• sitting at the table and sharing fruit with her
• the fact that she taught me to tell time while we were sitting outside of Mervyns (or Macys) on a bench at the mall while we were waiting for my mom to return something
• the way she seemed to snap out of her sickness the day before she died when she said, "I love you, Alex" (it was the last thing she said - ever)
• "¿A dónde fuedon chiiiiiicas?" (basically, "Where were you giiiiiirls?")
• I don't want to forget ANYTHING
  • the way I died inside when she died, but I didn't cry, and now I can't stop, and it hurts writing this list

things I wonder:

• was she a gay hating Catholic? (I REALLY doubt she was)
  • would she be able to accept the fact that I'm bi?
• does she forgive me for that bowl of soup? (long story)
• if I were to die right now, would I see her again?
• will I ever see her again?
• is she "up there" with our dead neighbors and pets?