- wearing someone else's clothes
- not flushing after using a public urinal
- being called "buddy" by strangers
- alphabetizing things
- expressions that use both "fuck" and "shit"
- fuck this shit
- what the fuck is this shit?
- holy fucking shit
- shit-eating motherfucker
- fucked the shit out of bears
- reading over people's shoulders on public transit
- folding things into nine sections
- walks of shame
- wearing a sweatshirt without a shirt under it
- pulling the cord on buses when it's my stop (pressing the button is less fun)
- watching steam rise from my urine outside in cold weather
- the word "choc-o-late" pronounced as three syllables
- poorly-written food journalism
- an overripe peach
- kicking off my shorts and catching them
- potatoes as an ingredient in other carbohydrates (pierogies, fried rice, pasta, etc...)
- listening to non-americans try to imitate american accents, especially australians
- addressing envelopes
- pulling out a really big nosehair
- giving directions using the cross street (it's ON clement AT second)
- abruptly and theatrically pivoting to change direction, bonus points if nobody is around
- false cognates
- typing something very quickly
- especially an e-mail, especially sending it without proofreading
- answering a security question to recover my password
- participating in some sort of transaction online and then the online confirmation comes to my e-mail faster than I can even switch tabs to my e-mail
- putting people on hold
- receiving quarters as change
- the cover of every issue of o: the oprah magazine, ever
- going through a metal / library book detector without setting it off
- being in a car with the four-way flashers on
- the look on someone's face as they are being forced to eat something that they really don't want to eat
- seats that recline electrically
- sentences that are unambiguously questions but don't use question marks
- sneakers with dress clothes
- days in lab when the air handling is all messed up and the pressure is either really low or really high so that the doors fly open or swing shut
- crunchy ground
- power locks
- pressing the "walk" button to cross telegraph and instantly turning the light yellow so all the cars have to stop
- chiasmus
- sticking my tongue between my lips tightly as if I'm about to blow a raspberry... right before I sneeze. try it sometime.
- phrases in which every word has the same number of letters, especially if it's 5
- laying on my stomach and holding a mug between my feet
- using a shop-vac
- using "effect" as a verb
- diagonals
- writing out number words on checks
- patronizing establishments with neon martini glass signs
- chopping up credit cards
- butterfly bandages, fingertip bandages
- using a paper slicer
- when wine is served in an ice bucket
- rolling out of bed and landing on one foot
- letting a sponge dry out
- when I make pour-over coffee, drinking the last little bit of coffee that runs out in the time before I wash the dishes
- using chopsticks to eat spicy noodles
- waking up in the middle of the night and finding out that it’s earlier than I thought and I have way more time to sleep
- shaking a pan or a bowl to even out a stew in it, watching the hot stew flow out to cover the whole surface
- getting the last little bit of shampoo or conditioner out of a bottle
- beverages served at extremes of temperature
- getting onto notepad/whiteboard during a meeting and drawing a graph and it explains perfectly what was being looked for
- leaving something on a whiteboard and seeing it there days later
nov 29 2008 ∞
sep 28 2024 +
sep 28 2024 +