• this years presidential election having a massive effect on my generations future and the knowledge that my peers and i will always be remembered as the fuck ups, even though our parents and the generations above us are really to be blamed.
• all of my friends getting into governors school because they are all really strong, dedicated, driven people and i will not get in because i really have no talent and everyone is bullshitting me and the only people capable of being real with me is a board of directors at MTSU.
• my up-coming euro ap test and how i cannot keep my favorite philosophers in order.
• not being able to succeed
• never getting the chance to leave anywhere, anyone, anything just because im much to SCARED.
• how angry my brother has been at me for the last 2 days. he is definitely turning 13.
• humbert telling me that my portfolio isnt worth shit tomorrow and writing me a bad review for governors school.
• the frequency of people telling me i have become boring.
• losing all my friends just because i said that i maybe quit weed. even losing the friends who weren't friends just for a drug hook-up. really losing the ones who were friends solely because i did drugs and they did not and they wanted to look like they are capable of being friends with kids differently then themselves, even though they are liars and really bad friends and will get lots of pity for losing touch with me and i will just hang out and not be upset about it so more people will be mad and I AMMMMMMM THE BAAAAAAAAD GAAAAAAAAAALL. just always.
• things becoming a cycle.
• the number of people incapable of answering my questions. it scares me because it makes me believe that i am really bad at conveying ideas AND that the people i am near are progressively becoming dumber and dumber and dumber.
• how i can see you, promise that we will talk more next time i see you, and then not seeing you for a long time, then seeing you...and not talking at all. and how this will most likely happen forever.
• the ignorance and denial that i live next door to finally having an affect on me even though i fight it. cuuuuz it is historically proven that we all become the thing that we fight.
• my thinking changing. or not changing when its supposed to be changing, and vice versa.
• having stupid feelings about intelligent people who will not remember my name by this time next year.
• how i feel like im exploding with emotions and creativity and ideas and plans and lists but it doesnt matter how i feel because those things will not earn me a future or recognition.
• not understanding how other people are incapable of feeling these same ways.
• thinking.

and barack obama was just elected president of the united states. just fyi.