• talk about how you feel until everything is better
• make art about feelings
• stay busy
• find exciting things
• go places that make you feel good
• surround yourself by wonderful people!
• appreciate what you have
• learn from whatever doesn't feel good

• TEACH
  • what
    • french
    • english
    • art
  • where
    • america
    • france
    • ?
• WOMENS HEALTH
  • gynecologist
  • nurse/aid
  • womens health advocate
  • help ethiopia
• ADVERTISING/DESIGN/INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS/PUBLIC RELATIONS

• sitting in my temporary chicago apartment
• reeling from the last 3 days full of lollapalooza
• givin my poor feet n body a break
• eating a delicious blueberry crepe
• reveling in the fact that i've gotten much better at living in the moment
• and learning how to appreciate the past
• BUT SOMEHOW I'M STILL DREADING TOMORROW AND LEAVING CHICAGO AND GOING BACK TO BHS AND CO.
• but for now...
• chicago apartment/crepes/resting/reveling

• JOURNALISM:
  • write kate nash review
  • write the runaways review
  • get everyone else's articles and freaking put em into cs4
• ART:
  • FINISH BIRD HOUSE-hollow out bird
  • dooo worksheet
  • make rainbow daffodil progression
• ENGLISH:
  • retype source G!
  • READ CHAPTERS 9-15 OF COLD MOUNTAIN
  • start studying vocab bitch
  • composition entries, sup
• APUSH:
  • GET COLD WAR TERMS
  • make study binders

• seeing what wonderful and beautiful people mary and claire become!
• not feeling outlandish for wearing lipstick and dresses
• getting to an age wear people cannot grab my face and say, "you look like a china doll" because its somehow acceptable to say that to me now but when i'm adult it wont be allowed!
• leaving tennessee and not living in the south
• being able to make art and craft messes any time i want
• having babies and being able to do arts and crafts with them all the time
• studying art and business in portland and becoming an esteemed advertisement executive!
• or studying photography and business in new york and becoming an esteemed photographer!

• i am running late and getting flustered.
• i am cuddling everyone and kisses.
• i am yelling and outraged.
• i am making changes in systems and open to new ideas.
• i am forgetful and apologetic.
• i am standing up for things and i'm finding my acceptance.
• i am the last letters of the alphabet and allowed to be wild.
• i am hasty decisions and no regrets.
• i am doing things for myself and conjuring up a future.
• i am occasionally lazy and cycling through bouts of depression.
• i am capable of being a good friend and i'm allowed to set boundaries.
• more love more love more love.

• concentrate
• make decisions
• take action
• say the right things
• succeed easily
• follow through
• fulfill peoples needs
• fulfill expectations
• clean
• cook
• read the books that IIIIIIIIIiIiIiIii WANT to read
• make my ideas real
• hang out with people
• make music
• plan outfits
• wear face paint
• keep my mouth shut
• TAKE PHOTOS
• eat on schedule
• make little gifts to give to people

• spend more time making art
• spend less time worrying
• spend more time reading
• spend less time being anxious
• spend more time studying
• spend less time complaining
• spend more time winking
• spend less time frowning

• when people step on your feet or elbow you in the face while you try to make yer ways through the hallway
• having a mp3 player that just doesn't go loud enough
• feeling no independence at all
• cars that won't start and get stuck places
• not knowing the titles of songs off of mix cds
• losing the ability to sleep
• disappointing the teachers that you want to impress
• wonderful blue pens running out of ink
• not having enough money to get film developed
• when people forget your name
• water that tastes horrible
• seeing people throw trash out car windows
• unavoidable anxiety

• AUGUST/SEPTEMBER:
  • WORK
  • SCHOOL
• OCTOBER:
  • WORK
  • SCHOOL
  • ROAD TRIP TO ATLANTA WITH KIELEE
  • ATTTEND THE AVETT BROTHERS SHOW
• NOVEMBER/DECEMBER/JANUARY/FEBRUARY/MARCH/APRIL:
  • WORK
  • SCHOOL
  • GO TO CONNECTICUT FOR FAMILY
  • GO TO CHICAGO FOR SCHOOL VISIT
  • GO TO PORTLAND FOR SCHOOL VISIT
  • GO TO NEW YORK FOR SCHOOL VISIT
  • GO TO RHODE ISLAND FOR SCHOOL VISIT
  • GO TO CANADA FOR SCHOOL VISIT/APPLY IN PE...

• i have no big picture to look at.
  • that could be why i cannot remember anything
  • that could be why i am anxcious
  • that could be why i am never in the moment
• A, apples- waking up to a song about the apples in the trees being all that we need
• B, birthday- my birthday is in 2 months. i will earn a more credible age pretty damn soon.

C, coffee- drinking 4 cups of coffee a day just cuz im with logan and all he ever does is drink coffee D, dress- making a dress out of scrubs, and another dress out of ol' denim jeans all in one day E, earring- losing an earring while running errands and then someone returning it to me. nice people are so good F, fact/fiction-...

• i learned how to talk when i was a 1 year old baby-child.
• i held out on reading until i was a 6 year old lil chickadee.
• the first year that i could read, all i did was ingest book book book books.
• i have always been approximately a year younger then all of my fellow class mates.
• it took my so god damned long to get started at anything, but once i got started, the momentum was momentous!
• but that is immaterial.
• it doesnt even matter.
• one moments accomplishment means absolutely nothing to the next moment.

so.

• i will guess. that i should just suck it up.
• because ya know, their must be some reaso...

TO DO:

• take one thing at a time
• breath
• please realize how much time you DOOOOOOO have to do whatever you need to do. make them enjoyable and detailed. don't let anything sink away.
• remain overwhelmed all the time.
• let things happen for themselves every once and awhile.
• write the things you want to hear on little slips of paper. roll 'em up and place them in odd little places that no one will see unless they are paying attention to everything that they should be paying attention too. hopefully others will follow your lead and make these little pieces of paper too, and then maybe, for once,finally, we will all get the honesty,communication and feed back we deserve.
• write about it.

• ask questions
• interpret whether people are being nice or not
• be nice to people
• fall asleep in under 20 minutes
• keep friendships alive for more than a year
• say yes or no
• make my plans clear
• interact
• achieve
• thrive
• wash my hair
• own a book without writing in it
• remain calm
• be defenseless
• forgive

• my hand.
• my to-do list on my hand.
• my little letters crammed onto my palm and fingers.
• my things that run my life.
• my reassurances that i really and truly am perpetual.
• my grip on time.
• my creation; a result of poor memory.
• my sophisticated life plan.
• my me me me going and doing these things.
• my i me!

easy fast thinker capable of whistling less stubborn agreeable less confrontational better at talking better at walking better at creating worse at fighting a leaf.

• this years presidential election having a massive effect on my generations future and the knowledge that my peers and i will always be remembered as the fuck ups, even though our parents and the generations above us are really to be blamed.
• all of my friends getting into governors school because they are all really strong, dedicated, driven people and i will not get in because i really have no talent and everyone is bullshitting me and the only people capable of being real with me is a board of directors at MTSU.
• my up-coming euro ap test and how i cannot keep my favorite philosophers in order.
• not being able to succeed
• never getting the chance to leave anywhere, anyone, anything just because im much to SCARED.
• how angry my brother has been at me for t...

• amphetamines long term effects
  • cardiovascular
    • elevated heart rate/blood pressure
    • clots
    • raising heart all the time
    • sensation of a panic attack
  • etc
    • mania
    • insomnia
    • fatigue
    • dizziness
    • euphoria
    • mood swings
    • shakiness
    • restlesness
    • headaches
    • eye pings
    • blurry vision/intensified astigmatism

• i need to stop being so cynical
• we all shall party more often but not necessarily do tons of drugs
• its okay to like this boy and to act silly together, keep up da good work teaaam
• visit maine and give that odd eco-college the benefit of the doubt n ch-ch-check it out
• PLAN A TRIP TO A THEME PARK WITH EVERYONE I LOVE
• get passport
• eat lunch/get a job today
• hang out with misha more
• hang out with everyone more
• work out betch

• riding trains alone
• grand central
• manhattan
• diy bicycles
• street stickers
• subways towards downtown and brooklyn
• 8th street east
• 8th street west
• 41 8th street west
• THE LOMOGRAPHY STORE
• talking to people who love film as much as i do
• sales clerks gratifying my passion
• buying the fucking lomo 360 spinner!
• insta-film for alicia!
• GETTING COMPLIMENTARY FREE 3MM FILM
• super sweet photo lab technicians
• super cute photo lab technicians
• letting everyone know that nashville isn't as great of a city as they may of heard about and new york is far superior and i...

• people mean a lot to me but not all of the time.
• i don't need anyone in particular.
• i'm going to regret both of these statements later.

• atrocious
• bitter
• contrived
• dejected
• extraneous
• forgotten
• grotesque
• horrendous
• ineffective
• juvenile
• (un)kempt
• lost
• miniscule
• nonessential
• obscure
• pedantic
• quixotic
• reticent
• sardonic
• terrible
• unnerved

• waking up early
• taking a super quick shower
• relaxing before school
• eating fruit before school
• getting all of my work done just in the knick of time
• feeling silly
• feeling like i need to work at a planned parenting office in the philippines. like stat.
• falling in love with wieden + kennedy
• drawing obama for governors school
• drawing bugs for governors school
• making a portfolio for governors school
• getting excited about governors school
• continuing my guerilla photo shows
• talking to josh about why i am a bitch
• not putting up with my managers balognaaaaaa
• being the "young 'n' sassy office depot cashier"

• this as a backpack
• this as a camera bag
• these as comfy cordury pants
• this as a dreamy transporter
• this as an expirement to see if polaroid still has any accountability in cameras
• this adorable little vintage digital camera angel
• some cloth to prove that i am witty
• this cute lil case to protect my goods
• some apple delicious scented stuff to make me tasty.
• a (bearded hat)[http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?lis...[] but only if its accompanied by a really exceedingly cute boy.
• a case to preserve my technology.
• patience, kindness, control, love.

• i am a hype monster. i blow good things out of proportion.
• i have a little bit of road rage when it comes to those 2 new road lights they installed for that stupid big church on conchord road by my house. they generate so much traffic. its ridiculous. both jesus and i are not impressed.
• people leave and move on and its a super simple concept. but not really.
• winking is good. that i something that i can always do.
• asking boys out is something that i can always do too. maybe.
• doing homework is what i should doooooooo right now.

• mix cds
• taking an art class
• knowing that my gpa wont get below 3.7 at all this year
• winking at people
• being winked at
• listening to music that has been absent from my life for the last 2 months
• photo shows
• boys who have hair that simply looks like the sun itself
• underestimating how nice people are and then being surprised by how kind they are
• knowing someone who has an at home darkroom and developing chemicals and photo paper and wants to share
• songs about sex yet remain lyrically sound and poetic
• reading excellent essays
• feeling knowledgeable and informed
• having a ton of extra time now that sleep...

• don't be afraid to ask for help
• take a picture of a kid sitting and not saying the pledge while everyone else does say the pledge
• wink at a minimum of 5 people
• enjoy an after school lunch with shilpi and matthew
• don't be cranky
• try to enjoy people
• no complaining
• record a song about math homework

• sitting at home!
• being on the computer!
• not having a radio!
• hearing baby birds get stuck in the chimney!
• having no thread for my sewing machine!
• having no ink for my stamps!
• not bein able to transport myself around town!
• having errands to run but not being able to run them!
• oh noooooooooooooooo!
• *but i have a birthday party to go to, and those are really excellent! so goodbye!

• i am afraid of being paralyzed
• i am afraid of falling asleep and never waking up
• i am afraid of waking up one day in a hospital bed and being told i was in a coma
• i am afraid of the repetitive noises that people make
• i am afraid of people repeating themselves over and over again
• i am afraid of how angry i get when i see parents being bad parents to their kids
• i am afraid of how confused i get sometimes
• i am afraid of not reading enough books
• i am afraid of how sad i am when people dismiss or ignore me
• i am afraid of my lack of purpose
• i am afraid of the predictions that people have made about my life
• i am afraid of clutching the people and the things that i love the most

• organize
• advocate getting a train station in nashville
• get a 4.0

• http://www.threadbanger.com/thread-heads...

• a boy who walks around with a pack of girls. wild animal gay boy and wild animal insecure girls.
• some folks who seek an answer to what is different between wild animal packs and me.
• difference? i do not shout rude things at people i dont know. i dont question how people choose to present themselves. i dont comment on what i see you doing.
• difference? wild animal packs can take the most human behavior and tangle it up with hunting.
• some ferocious souls.
• some people who are evaluating why they are friends with me. i can feel things falling through ya know. lets be open about this, please?
• nice cold wilderness. its all mashed up i...

Diagrams and illustrations and info graphics and cohorts and maps and visualizations and trying to convey ideas seem to be much easier for other folks.

• this is nothing and that is everything.
• the mentality that i need to get the fuck over.
• i can help you think. help me thinksies too?

JOURNALISM ARTICLE EUROPEAN HISTORY STUDYING BIOLOGY PACKET MAKING UP MATH TESTS AND WORKS i would like to sit and talk for a couple of days please. and finish all the books in the pile that line up to be JUST AS TALL AS ME. studying first and everything else will maybe happen later. i am secretly enjoying this stress and anxiety. i swearz.

• PACK
  • wear on plane
    • black jacket
    • red hoodie
    • most bulky dress
    • biggest boots
    • panda hat
    • gloves
    • carry on
      • red backpack
        • cameras
        • other hat
        • laptop
        • all chargers/batteries
        • phone/charger
        • BLACK AMERICAN WALLET
        • FILM I WANT DEVELOPED

• feel creatively discouraged
• feel like i sabotage my relationships
• put all of my hope in moving to france
• pack for france

• riding trains alone
• grand central
• manhattan
• diy bicycles
• street stickers
• subways towards downtown and brooklyn
• 8th street east
• 8th street west
• 41 8th street west
• THE LOMOGRAPHY STORE
• talking to people who love film as much as i do
• sales clerks gratifying my passion
• buying the fucking lomo 360 spinner!
• insta-film for alicia!
• GETTING COMPLIMENTARY FREE 3MM FILM
• super sweet photo lab technicians
• super cute photo lab technicians
• letting everyone know that nashville isn't as great of a city as they may of heard about and new york is far superior and i...

• folk and jazz music
• my bicycle
• rum
• arts and crafts
• books
• fruit!
• my job
• my friends
• the night sky
• MY BED

• what if i traded all emotional things in for physical abilities
• what if i can't remember the last time i felt satisfied
• what if all i want to do is feel effective
• what if i would like to just be productive, not nice
• what if i'm giving up on supporting other people cuz i just don't have the energy for it and my job/obligations
• what if i sound like a bitter old lady
• what if i don't care if i sound like a bitter old lady, as long as i get to rest
• what if i'm 16 and already feel exhausted
• what if i feel terribly guilty and anxious every time i sleep
• what if i really really really need to not have a watercolor painting, 4 tests, an article, lab, annotated book, and french...

• trusting new friends
• improving my moral
• cleaning my room
• participating in classes
• letting people go
• forgetting about heart ache
• loving people

• the big lebowski
• the science of sleep
• dead like me
• almost famous
• zombieland
• the stepford wives

• i am on listography from a school computer.
  • because my classes are all make believe and we have more bullshit days then really educational days.
  • i am bitter about this fact.
  • i also feel bitter about getting to school early in the morning to work on things,but having nowhere to go because:
  • the librarians are the only ones able to open the library
  • the librarians refuse to give a key to an EARLY RISING teacher so that they can open the library in the absence of the librarians
  • thus, the librarians get to school at 7:15 instead of at 6:45 when they are PAYED to get to school AND OPEN THE LIBRARY.
• i need to stop bitching.
• i can't stop reffering to kids that i dis...

sub⋅stan⋅tial- [suhb-stan-shuhl]–adjective :of solid character or quality; firm, stout, or strong: a substantial physique.

• substantial cereal boxes
• substantial clothes
• substantial people
• subtantial cars
• substantial cameras
• substantial livin'

• a 12 pack of gum
• three 8x8 prints from costco
• a listography yearly planner
• some daisy seeds
• a veggie crepe

• making my own jackets and hoodies
• when the temperature in tennessee drops to below 70 degrees
• driving around at night
• walking around at night
• biking around at night
• having some of the best conversations at night
• not sleeping at night
• watching excellent movies in large quantities all the time
• surprising people
• giving things away
• cleaning and organizing
• making plans with nice friends
• making plans with spick, speck, perfect boys
• parks
• making amends with people
• growing!
• learning!

• trying really hard in school and being happy with the knowledge i received
• that boy and our non-existent situation and the hype that the situation received
• my friend who is more antsy then me and our plans and her ability to actually leave

• disliking the people you are stuck seeing every single day
• forgetting the lists you make to remind yourself what you need to
• thinking about other people
• overthinking
• anxiety
• whispering.ever.
• staring.
• going on the fucking computer.
• interacting with douchebags.

• autoclaves
• hearts
• brecciated materials
• shouting but not screaming
• over-ululating everything
• developing delineation skills
• thinking of so many different things all at once!

• i have other things to be doing.
• fuck.

• (floorplans)
• I want to draw you a floorplan
• Of my head and heart
• I want to give directions
• helpful hints
• What you'll be looking for
• What was I looking for
• What am I looking for
• I know I'll hold this pain in my heart forever
• I know I'll hold, I'll hold
• I know I'll hold this pain in my heart forever
• I know I'll hold, I'll hold
• All eyes are on you now
• I shouldn't go
• But I can't really help it
• When I feel this pressure
• I shouldn't go
• But I can't really help it
• When I feel this pressure