• this is cool.

• http://nashvillesdead.com/
• a medley of good songs being sung to you over the phone. hahaha. really.
• a cozy flannel from goodwill
• three days of no school for thanksgiving
• a legit thanksgiving feast at school
• middle college
• driving
  • by myself
• many new friends
• shooooows
• GETTIN INVOLVED!

• I need to decide what I want.
• I am dramatic on shit like this because I can't be dramatic in real life. Which is a really dumb thing.
• Cool dudes always date lame girls. That is also a really dumb thing.
• I've been sick for a week, whaaaaaat's the fucking deal.
• I forgot how damn good the Beatles were. Holy shit, y'all.
• Today is 11/11. Well technically now it's not since it's past midnight, but whatever. It's probably the best date on the calendar.
  • Especially when the time is 11:11 on 11/11.
  • Ohhh, how bout in two years when it's 11:11 on 11/11/11. Oh shit.
• No Shave November is going well.

dumb things:

• all I've done today is watch South Park and lay in bed listening to Choking Victim
• I miss doing fun things
• everyone's busy or gone
• stupid shit that will stop because I say so!

good things:

• how cozy at the YEAH building this friday for a halloween show.
• halloween
• november 20th at little hamilton
• http://nashvillesdead.blogspot.com/
• erin is transferring to belmont thank god.

pooooooop

• Eye aye I am not lisning to your rules.
• I had so much to say but I'm forgetting it all/don't know how to say it.

That's happening a lot lately.

• stage dives
• bruises
• good jamz
• great people
• dancin
• legz feelin like they're gonna fall off
• beer in my hair
• spontaneous dance party
• smellin like smoke n beer n other people's sweat
• dah happiest show i've ever been to!!!!!

lord almighty, I love nashville.

• erin came home and popped out of my closet
• being a punk at radnor lake
• jay reatard's new album
• heavy cream at grimey's
• pole dancing/may pole
• WHIP IT
• south park
• i wanna be a roller derby girl

• I HAVE A LICENSE... A DRIVERS LICENSE!
• VICTORY FROSTY COURTESY OF RACHAEL!
• HOW COZYYYYYYYYY! MAKING A COMEBACK!
• "a bump in the road comes and she bes sarcastic!" BACON FROM RACHAEL.
• driving around by myself and listening to music that doesn't get played in the car with my mom.
• some songs sound WAYYYYY better when YOU'RE the one driving and no one else is there, anyway.

• All I really want to do when I'm done with high school, is get a house. I might decide to go to college or something, that'll probably happen. But the main thing I want is to have a house in Nashville with a few rad people.
  • I don't want to get out of Tennessee. I'll definitely get out of Franklin, I'll just move myself 20 minutes north, into the city.
• I find it strange when people talk about how much they hate Nashville and how they want to get as far away from it as they can.
  • I love this town, man. Everything and everyone I love is here. Why would I want to leave anytime soon?
• I go through phases of creativity where I'll have one thing that I do constantly, ...

• my birthday is in exactly one month.
• September!
• milkshakes!
• Skins
• The Life Aquatic!
• Hard Days Night
• fall!
• art crawl/goodwill on saturday!
• Erin is coming home this weekend!
• and it's a long weekend!
• Real nice weather
• Real nice people
• Sweaters

• Crunch wrap supreme and a raspberry iced tea TWICE.
• Black Lips and other good jams.
• Thrifting
• PERFECT WEATHER
• Crazy drunken secondhand drama
• Bye bye, husband.
  • Polygamy was fun while it lasted.
• Skins
• I live on that red couch.
• Things are going good lately.
  • That's somethin to be real happy about.

Stuff I want to do:

• Smoke some hookah
• Watch Skins with Kate
• Stay up rrl rrl late and watch Adult Swim like I did all summer long
• Play a show
• Go to a show
  • I've been cravin some JEFF lately.
    • Septemberrrrr, september september september
  • And I've been craving the good shit that doesn't exist anymore.
    • Like Happy Box
    • And Cowboy Dynamite
      • Even though I never got to see the latter play. I listened to them today and almost cried though. Shit.

• dying my hair
• not a smurf
• still not sick of Pree
• happy because i saw my favorite episode of Wife Swap today
• feelin good about how things are going lately
• HONNNGRYYYY

• I got that skirt I've been lusting over from Local Honey! And that sweater too!
• Drawing at Art & Soul.
• COZY CARESS!
• Wife Swap with an irate black lady and some crazy hillbilly kids.
• My hair is especially blue today. Not really, I just love it, even though it's kind of a bad dye job.
  • I freaked out some kids at the grocery store today. They were all wearing CRAZY NEON SHIRTS and sitting outside and I walked out and they all turned their heads and stared at me.
  • Then I was just skippin around the parking lot and I returned the cart and they kept staring. Being weirded out by a girl with blue hair is like me being weirded out by a bunch of kids in CRAZY NEON SHIRTS. haha.

• Why are all of these lists purple?
• Why am I too lazy to change it?
• Why am I not OCD enough to change it anymore?
• Why am I so tired?
  • Actually I know the answer to that one too.
• Why has my voice been crackin like a 12 year old boy's lately?
• Why am I not asleep?

I think I'm going to do that, go to sleep, RIGHT NOW!

• Brad Brad Pitt (Brad Brad Brad Brad Pitt Pitt)
  • This is a club that me and kate just started for people that laugh at errrverythang late at night.
• The Rippers
  • This is the Uncle Jesse tribute gang.

I'm sure there will be more.

• Joy Division is such a good band.
• Control is a good movie. But if you watch it, get something happy to watch afterwards. You'll need it.
• Roller derby girls are scary and I would want them on my side in a bar fight.
• I miss the old Folk the Worlds and the bands that used to play at them, but I still love it and go every time.
• Poems are happening again.
• Dreams are happening again.
• No money for hair dye, sharpies will have to do.
• I feel like a mermaid.
• Making eye contact and then looking away is a funny thing that happens to me a lot and I love it and hate it at the same time.

• Going to the beach again.
  • Swimming in the freezing cold water.
  • Falling asleep and getting sand blown all over the blanket I was laying on, in my mouth, my hair, my ears, my eyelids, evvvverywhere.
  • Getting sunburned on only the tops of my feet and a little on the backs of my legs.
• One single ride on the Carousel at Crescent Park.
• The guy working the rings that looked like McLovin.
• People that look like people I know, only if they were paler and had a cold.
• Watching rich people riding a boat down the river while everyone watched them.
• Over dramatic classical music or something.

• the myspace survey Kate did last summer to sound like the Unfo'givable guy.
  • "how often do you talk on the phone?" "NEVUH. I JUST YELL OUT THE WINDA AN' PEOPLE RESPOND."
  • "brown or white eggs?" "I AIN'T NO STINKIN' EGG RACIST!"
• "crusty señorita"
• how everyone loves the Jungle Girl photo.
• how I'm wearing a pink shirt that says "goddess" in sparkly pink cursive, paired with my vest and black jeans that I patched up and whatnot. I just think it's ironic.
• the Madd in Real Life photo.
• the dream I had yesterday morning that Erin was leaving me and Kate at her house and we were going to hang out with her dad, and then waking up in Erin's bed to her taking a picture of my face while I was ...

• Being pantless?
• KAZOOing along with "American Wedding" by Gogol Bordello and "Terminal Preppie" by Dead Kennedys and then everything else in my itunes. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjhGhvZyQ... )
• fatty cat.
• EXPERIMENTAL PANCAKES with...
  • Trix
  • Oreos
  • cinnamon
  • walnuts
• "Cab Fare"- Souls of Mischief
• Michael Jackson is dead and apparently, everyone on facebook knows about it, aka all their status updates say "OMG HE'S DEAD RIP!"
• BET has been playing MJ videos all night long.
• Brothers of the Head
• "Did I ever tell you about the time when ...

• saw 2 was ridiculous. why did me and jo watch it?
• i love marlee and jo and i missed them both so damn much.
• i'm so emotional and sentimental. daw.
• it's really hot in here.
• i haven't slept at jo's house in a long ass time.
• road tripping to memphis for andrew jackson jihad would be so sweet. who wants to gooo?
• a person that i know nothing about.
• does staring at a tv or computer screen really make you fall asleep?
  • maybe... i feel a little more sleepy than i did earlier, but maybe that's because it keeps getting later. hmmm...
• murphreesboro on saturday to visit rachael, hooraaaaay.
• my hands are really soft right now.

• Talk to me now I'm older
• Your friend told you cuz I told her
• Friday nights have been lonely
• Change your plans and then phone me
• We could go and get 40s
• Fuck goin to that party
• Oh really your folks are away now?
• Alright, let's so, you convinced me

12:51 is the time my voice found the words I sought Is it this stage I want? The world is shutting out for us Oh we were tense for sure But we was confident

• Kiss me now that I'm older
• I won't try to control you
• Friday nights have been lonely
• Take it slow but don't warn me
• Oh we'd go out and get 40s
• Then we'd go to some party
• Oh really your folks are away now?
• Alright I'm comin, I'm comin.

• "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley
• Being impregnated from the JEFF the Brotherhood show tonight. Haha.
• The balcony at D3.
• Lighting matches and watching them burn.
• Sharing a cigarette.
• Erin.
• Kate.
• "Trailer Trash" by Modest Mouse
• Not knowing what to feel, but being okay with it.
  • I guess I don't love that, at all. But I'm okay with it. So that's something to be happy about.
• Being content.
• How mesmerized Kate is with those matches.
• Erin being asleep on the balcony. I'd like to sleep out here too.
• Smores.

• Asking lame questions and clearing things up.
  • But getting no clarification at all, really.
• Wearing the same thing I wore yesterday.
  • Enjoying tube tops and not being confined by sleeves.
  • 90s mom butt cut-off Tobias Fünke shorts.
• Mirah
• Black Lips
• Deerhunter
• Nice weather
• Workin on some Capers Ave. stuff
  • that no one will listen to.
• Greasy dirty messy hair.
• Being done with all ya bullshit.
• Gorging myself with

• Clean my room some more///make the money money.
• Find a job find a job find a job.
• Learn to control myself. Energy wise. I have so much energy! Sometimes at the wrong time. Ahhhh.
  • I think people either enjoy it or are really annoyed by it. Characteristic of an 8? You said it, bitch.
• LEARN TO PLAY THE DRUMS. WELL. Practice practice pwactice plactice pnactice cactus radioactice.
• Finish up some more songs for the Capers Ave. cd or whatever. No one will listen to them, except like two people haha. But still. Finish dat shit.
• WORK ON MY SUMMER SCHOOL STUFF. THAT IS IMPORTANT.
  • I think June will be a good month for me ...

• Time to get crackin on my summer school stuff while I'm at Kate's apartment with nothing to do!
• I have only worn three colors in the past two days: purple, black, and white. They were completely different outfits, too.
• My dad wants to get my drawings published. He thinks they're good enough to be a book. ha!
• I think that after I do my schoolwork, I'm gonna clean up Kate's place. Haha, at least the living room.
• I'm excited for the show tonight at Little Hamilton! Hoorah!
• That stuff from Trader Joe's is doing WONDERS on my skin. Holy shit.
• Those weed whackin lawn mower guys outside need to shutthefuckup!

• Say what I'm thinking without sounding stupid.

• Not waking up at 3.
• Remembering that the Strokes are incredible and listening to all their albums.
• Kaki King.
• Modest Mouse.
• Cracker Barrel.
• Driving around and talking with Kate and my dad.
• Talking about the Enneagram.
• Getting my room cleaned up more.
• My mom saying that we can get my film developed tomorrow.
• Apple crisp.
• Writing.
• Making these.
• And this haha.
• Aaaand this.

• Connections, connections, connections.
  • I love the way music connects people. Whenever I make a new friend, or meet someone that I could be friends with, we usually end up talking about music, and I'll say "Do you like this band? I'll make you a mix with them on it!" Or whatever. I feel like it's a really good way to tell people about myself. And I take mix making really seriously, haha. I put a lot of thought into what songs will go on it and in what order they'll go in, etc, etc.
• There is a song for everything. EVERYTHING.
  • There are songs for being happy.
    • "Hummingbird"- Born Ruffians
  • There are songs for being depressed.

• Creepy babies
  • old dolls with like missing eyes and a cracked up face
  • mutant babies (like in Eraserhead)
  • babies that stare intently
• Some Japanese stuff

Not like I'm afraid of Japanese people , but the other night I was trying to watch a movie online and some website popped up with all these little Japanese characters and stuff. And for some reason (I really have no idea why) it really creeped me out. hahah. I think it's mostly because of all the scary Japanese horror films I've watched. Like the Suicide Club. Oooh holy shit, I could NOT finish that movie. Ehhhh.

• Old people
  • that cackle sinisterly

In no particular order...

• "Cab Fare"- Souls of Mischief
• "Comme Des Enfants"- Coeur de Pirate
• "Shady Lane"- Pavement
• "Serrated Edge"- the Dead Milkmen
• "Dean's Dream"- the Dead Milkmen
• "Art Star"- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
• "Pin"- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
• "Y Control"- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
• "Foxes Mate For Life"- Born Ruffians
• "Barnacle Goose"- Born Ruffians
• "Petty Problems"- Defiance, Ohio
• "Letter Home"- Defiance, Ohio
• "Gravity Rides Everything"- Modest Mouse
• "Trailer Trash"- Modest Mouse
• "Head South"- Modest Mouse
• "Lion's Mane"- Iron & Wine
• "End of the Movie"- Cake
• "Someday I Suppose"- the Mighty Mighty Bosstones
• "People"- Andrew Jackson Jihad

• is it?

• http://music.myspace.com/index.cfm?fusea...
• sweaters at goodwill, I must go back there with a wad o cash, yawl.
• if I get a job, I will have a car.

• being stupid
• slacking off
• on the internet
• denying a feeling
• by myself
• waiting
• wanting
• wishing things would happen instead of making them happen myself

fuck.

• I hate people
  • most of em. not you guys.
• I am trying not to completely lose hope in everyone.
• I am trying to remember to breathe
• I am trying to be honest with myself and everyone else

• everyone's afraid of me
• or like no one wants to hang out with me
• no, like people are afraid of being my friend
• I annoy the shit out of people after a while
• I really like Choking Victim and Leftover Crack
  • and when I want to be (don't want to be) sad they make me less sad and more apathetic and accepting.
    • I don't know if that's good or bad.
• shit happens
• my mind always twists things in every direction and gets de best of me.

das not good. dis ain't good.

• things that are good

• with ya bullshit

• We'll be together
• Cause all I really want is you
• We'll be forever
• And I'm gonna stick with you
• I'm wearin' leather
• And I really think it's cool
• We'll do whatever
• Cause you're gonna do what you wanna do

Do you really wanna hold my dirty hands?

• I haven't showered since Friday, so I probably should take care of that...
  • AFTER I make a list.

GOOD THINGS

• JEFF/MARJ!
• haggling at the flea market
  • super nice Canon camera for one george washington and a buncha change outa my pocket
• a delicious waffle
• seeing people I enjoy seeing
• makin plans
• lucky shorts but not really
• paper cranes
  • in my hair, also.
• vitamin water in the terlet

• i really want pancakes
• i think for halloween i'm going to be a zombie cat... unless i think of something more creative.
• rachael, we should set up a show at your house sometime soon.
• can't wait for the zombie walk
• can't wait for the JEFF show
• i miss how cozy///practice, playing shows, hanging out, etcccccccccc

• I watched the Life Aquatic,
• wrote a song about breakfast,
• and listened to my cat snore.

• Cardigans
• Leaves
• Modest Mouse, especially the Moon & Antarctica
• the White Stripes
• Defiance Ohio
• all the other autumnal jams
• My favorite hoodie
• Socks, sometimes
• Leaf piles
• Leaf lounging
• Leaf diving
• Nothing is more beautiful.

I make too many effing lists. I have a problem.

• toaster
• blender
• hairdryer

• sick
• sad
• missing Erin already
• listening to Defiance, Ohio
  • remembering how much I love them
• really happy with how the show went last night
• glad that chivalry still exists
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sE9AwR0aw...

The end.

• Doing whatever I want, whenever I feel like it.
• Band practice all the time.
• Being at Kate's house all the time.
• Staying out rrl rrl late.
• Shows all the time.
• Being awake at 4am.

The beginning.

• Waking up at 7, not 6:30.
• Off campus lunch.
• New friends, I hope.
• Wearing whatever I want to school.
• Being trusted.
• Being respected.
• Not walking into school every morning like I'm walking to my death.
• Good health.
• Not being made fun of.
• No anxiety.

• WHAT A WEEK.
• Textbook Brokers makes me so happy.
• Troll hair is hot.
• So is being a science teacher with a television show.
• Good things for How Cozy! in the future!!!
  • Local Honey
  • Cozy Caress at Cafe Coco
  • Special surprise
• Playin the bass all week was so fun. I need to play it in shows more because damn, it feels good... to be a gangsta? Nahhh.
• I am watching that horrible show about the 15 year old girl that has a baby and I swear, if I hear the words "have sex" ONE MORE TIME, I will KILL SOMEONE. They say it wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much, it is ridiculous.

• I always have the lyrics to "12:51" by the Strokes stuck in my head.
• I get in really apathetic moods sometimes. Not depressed, just indifferent.
• Hand claps are the best thing ever.
• JEFF the Brotherhood makes me crumble.
• Little plastic cowboys and indians are fun to burn.
• So are crayons.
• I use my bed as a couch and my couch as a bed.
• I had a guitar pick stuck to my leg. I took it off. Then I put it back on. It's still there.

• A BIG BAG OF PISTACHIOS.
• A tape and a letter in the mail!
• Hair dye! For real hair dye and not sharpies!
• I feel kinda hot as a blonde, but it's gonna be gone soon.
• Ferris Bueller's Day Off TWICE.
• DELICIOUS CHICKEN THAT I MADE MYSELF.
• Why am I the only one that likes Squidbillies???

Tee vee lookity box.

• Being home! I really missed Nashville.
• First How Cozy practice in FOREVER.
• Crack yer barrel.
• Having sunglasses.
• Being in love with Paleo because he is cute and shy and sings and plays guitar and writes pretty words.
  • I need a guy like that.
    • ha...
• Being a talkative motherfucker.
• "You want me to spend the night at your house everyday this week until Saturday?" Laughter ensues at an inappropriate time.
• FROSTYS AT WENDY'S.
• The Lady In the Bush and writing her story for her.
  • I hope she's okay, haha.

• things that make me look dumb, even though other people probably don't notice, or don't care.
• kisses, sometimes.
• things people say
• the temperature
• things I say sometimes.
• thinking too hard about what people are thinking

This is a weird list because I recently decided that I don't get embarrassed as easily as I did, which was a lot. At least, I don't get embarrassed about my problems and personal shit... I could tell you a whooole mess o stuff about me and I wouldn't even care!

• Pinkerton park with Erin and riding our razor scooters.
• Leaving after five minutes because it was tooo hot.
• Free water at starbucks and being too cheap to purchase a beverage.
• That sentence.
• Actually, that was a fragment.
• Well, technically a bullet point can be a fragment.
• (I rest my case.)
• Coming home and reading National Geographic at the kitchen table with Erin.
• Covering various objects in Mod Podge just so I can peel it off later.
• Thoroughly enjoying that shit
• Pancake sandwich.

• lessons 6 and 7 tonight, keep going, keep going.
• clean my room, help my mom recycle all the shit we have to recycle, mow the lawn, make some cash.
• get film developed, get film developed, get film developeddddddd.
• maybe get a disposable camera
• see as many people as possibly before july first.
  • because that is when I leave for rhode island and I'd like to see peopleeee.
• read Slaughterhouse-Five again
  • because I haven't read anything in a while and I don't want to dumb down over the summer
• start On the Road
  • actually I started it and got a couple pa...

• the Suite Life on Deck
• the Flaming Lips
• "Drowning her sorrows in frogurt"
• Yes.
• Bradley and Rodrigo
• Jungle Girl
• "Ready fo a summuh romance" ahahaha.
• Asymmetrical pony tails.
• Golden Girls
• A band that played at Old Navy
• The power going out at Old Navy
• Leaving Old Navy empty handed.
  • But it's okay because their clothes are ugly and boring.
• Realizing that the power went out in all of Brentwood, even the traffic lights.
• Going to publix and telling my mom that "I went to ravenwood with that purple kid, I think."
• Making awkward eye contact with said purp...

• My kneeee hurts from last night! And my neck. Ouuuch.
• I have no idea what I want anymore.
• I have no idea how I feel anymore.
• I have no idea what you want anymore.
• I have no idea how you feel anymore.
• I was fine until last night when I was reminded of all this stuff I'd forgotten about.
• I need some clarity. Seems as though that's something I'm always searching for.
• I think June is going to suck because everyone is gone.
  • I miss Rachael.
  • I miss Rachel.
  • I'm going to miss Erin when she's at nationals.
    • Then it'll be the last bit of April and the first bit of May, all over again.

• 1. The mix that got me through February: "i'm not myself but i like some musics"
  • "Challenge"- Japanther
  • "O Katrina!"- Black Lips
  • "Neck Escaper"- No Age
  • "One Beat"- Sleater-Kinney
  • "Veni Vidi Vici"- Black Lips
  • "Pocket Full Of Thistles"- Turbo Fruits
  • "My Life's Alright Without You"- No Age
  • "Glen Echo"- JEFF the Brotherhood
  • "Cold Hands"- Black Lips
  • "The Whales"- Japanther
  • "Hardcore Days & Softcore Nights"- Aqueduct
  • "Punk Rock Girl"- the Dead Milkmen
  • "Youth Decay"- Sleater-Kinney
  • "River Phoenix"- Japanther
  • "Boy Void"- No Age
  • "Navajo"- Black Lips
  • "Poptart"- Turbo Fruits

• Making the happiest mix I've made in a long time. It's half finished.
• Band practice. Always good.
• Crushes are funny. For everyone.
• Cupcakes at Calloway's house.
• Calloway's mom making me a kickass salad.
• Five minutes of Scategories.
• Andy Daverman's cake, which consisted of...
  • Mount Andy
  • Andy's driveway
  • Andy's house
  • The wilderness surrounding it
  • Andy
  • Candle's in a heart.
• Lighting candles and screaming and surprising Andy with it all.
• Rachael and Calloway being hopped up on chocolate.

GOOD THINGS

• Productive afternoon.
  • Took a shower
  • Did some schoolwork
  • cleaned Kate's living room
• Erin picked me up and we went to Little Hamilton to see some rad bands play.
• I got to see a ton of people I hadn't seen in aaages, due to my being a recluse for a couple of weeks. (Although sometimes it's good to take a step back from things for a while.)
• The show was superb! All the bands sounded great!
• Kate and Rachel picked me up.
• We got some of those deeelicious orange push up popsicles.
• Went over to the Bridges' house and
  • watched the Ring

• Seeing Erin and Sean and family and moms and dads.
• That movie about women and art and artists who are women.
• Sitting at Fido for just long enough to listen to "Add It Up" by the Violent Femmes and draw a picture.
• TEAM ANDY DAVERMAN!
• Scategories and Cranium at Andy Daverman's house with Rachael and Calloway and Andy Daverman!
• "Boyscout to boyscout"
• "Go, grandma, go!"
• Getting film developed.
• Watching the Mighty Boosh.
  • It was "Tundra". I love that episode.
• Playing the kazoo at 2:30 in the morning.

• I went to my psychiatrist.
  • I told him I didn't think I had to be there.
  • He said that was a good idea.
  • I was right, ha!
• I ate som chicken fil a.
• I went to where my mom works.
• I went home and Rachael and Alexa picked me up.
• We drove to guitar center and played all the synths!
  • Rachael did light saber moves to the Red Headed Boy's synth songs that were not even that good, but her moves sure were!
  • We played with the vocoder and it was awesome.
• We went to Mexico-o-ooo and went to some little music shop and I found an acoustic bass and a banjo and I played both for t...

• I like the balcony at Kate's apartment.
• I like the jungle growing beyond that fence.
• I like looking at it.
• I like that I don't have to take any exams this year.
• I like that I got to miss the last two months of school in general. Heh heh hehhh.
• I like our new friends that have a hookah.
• I like being in Nashville sooo much more now.
• I like how relieved I am.
• I like how quickly I learned not to give a fuck about it anymore.
• I like that I'm making a mix to mail along with a letter out to someone in New York, in exchange for a tape of his rad tunes.
• I like that I've been seeing Erin a lot m...

• Eraserhead
• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• Wristcutters: A Love Story (2x)
• I started some movie called Happy Birthday To Me, but I got bored and watched
• Gummo (2x)
• The Decent
• Lake Dead (HAHA it was horrible!)
• John Tucker Must Die (was horrible as well)
• Some Nickelodeon movie... haha iCarly or some shit?

That is what I've been doing with my time for the past two days. Watching movies and sitting on The Red Couch. Yeahhh.

In no particular order...

• "This Is A Long Drive For Someone With Nothing To Think About"- Modest Mouse
• "The Moon & Antarctica"- Modest Mouse
• "The Lonesome Crowded West"- Modest Mouse

Okay okay okay. I love Modest Mouse so so so much.

• "Is This It?"- the Strokes
• "Big Lizard In My Backyard"- the Dead Milkmen
• "Red, Yellow and Blue"- Born Ruffians
• "The Great Depression"- Defiance, Ohio
• "The Fear, the Fear, the Fear"- Defiance, Ohio
• "Panic Prevention"- Jamie T
• "Blood Visions"- Jay Reatard
• "A Lesson In Crime
  
  "- Tokyo Police Club

• i just did something i never though i would ever do.

• new projects
• new people
• new music
• pistachios

pills

• Amoxicillin
  • three times a day
  • til it's all gone
  • not til I feel better
  • but til it's all gone.
• Mucinex
  • two times a day.
  • it's a big fuckin pill.
  • ain't no fun.

life

• I wrote some things down
• I don't expect that anyone will read them, especially the one(s) I want to
• but it's okay because all the shit is out there.
  • fuck,

things I should do:

• sleep
• make my mind up
• eat more soup

things I shouldn't do:

• wish so much
  • almost all of them are coming true and it's messin wiv my head
• rely on people

• but also I feel like everything I do is setting me up for a kick in the teeth
  • metaphorically of course

i wish things were simple and you weren't related.

• out of sight, out of mind is not how I want to deal with thangs!
• baby won'tchu be mah man?
• i write pretty good songs when I'm bored alone at kate's house.
• i am probably going to go back to the Shroom next friday and ask that boy to marry me. but not really. but maybe. but probably not.
• whoever invented the cardigan gets a big ol high five and a marriage proposal from me!
• i really love the balcony over here.
• i really hate when no one's alive but me.
• most of the time.

i miss a lot of people.

• every bone in my body is sarcastic.
  • that's not true. i just don't take myself seriously so i make fun of everything.
• i wish all those songs were about me.
• http://blogs.nashvillescene.com/nashvill...
• fall music
• a rocktoberfest shirt
• colorsplash flaaaaash
• wild eyes
• south park

• go camping
• tie dye some stuff
• have a picnic
• go to a pumpkin patch
• get lost in a corn maze

• "you need to get a job"
• "you don't need to get a job"
• we're poor
• i'm okay with that
• i have a house, clothes and food
• but i need a car
• i want to start a project where everyone writes me an encouraging note.
  • not necessarily one addressed to me, but i'll collect them all and put them together, creating the most encouraging, positive piece of book or website ever.
  • "piece of book or website" that made no sense, but you know what i mean
  • everyone needs a little encouraging.

need:

• a car
• a job
• solutions

musics

• "People Who Can Eat People Are the Luckiest People in the World"- Andrew Jackson Jihad
• "Good Bad Not Evil"- Black Lips
• "Girls Get Busy"- Bratmobile
• "Watch Me Fall"- Jay Reatard
• "Dry"- PJ Harvey
• "Two Gallants"- Two Gallants
• "Violent Femmes"- Violent Femmes
• "Vivian Girls"- Vivian Girls
• "Show Your Bones"- Yeah Yeah Yeahs

misc.

• acoustic bass geetar
• 35mm filmmmmm
• my film to be developed
• a car? please? pleeeeease? pleeeeeeeeeease?
• BLEACH AND HAIR DYE, FREAKIN A.

that's really all I want. I can't make mi...

• this

• Two Gallants
  • THAT DRUMMER, GOOD GOD.
• No Age
• Gogol Bordello
• Andeez house tomorrow
• The shirt I made today that says "Noir" on it, alluding to Vince Noir of the Mighty Boosh.
  • People that appreciate that shit!
• SKINS
  • Even though the second season is making me sad.
• Not puking every morning!
  • It's not what it sounds like, I promise.
• Leaves are fallin off of trees.
• Braids in my hair, somewhere, all the time, lately.

• I should be nicer to my hair.
  • hullo, PANTEEN PRO V, MUTHA FUCKAS.
• I care too much about the people around me, even if I barely know them.
• I feel like I'm meeting so many new people lately.
  • But that's cool because I love new friends.
• SKINS is probably the best show ever.
• I really like putting braids in my hair, lately.
• I wore my hoodie/vest today.
  • Do you know how happy that made me?
    • Fall is fast approachin'.
• I need to get a job.
  • So I can get a car.

• school
• new friends
• old friends
• band
• me
• everything else

• I am sorry for my awkwardness and lack of self control.
• School starts in a week. A new school. Things will be different.
  • I promise to get good grades this time.
  • I promise to make up for last year.
  • I promise it'll be different.
  • I promise.
• Nostalgia is a strange thing. After a while, it stops getting to you though. Fortunately.
• Today I tried to think of words to describe the music I listen to.
  • Thrasy
  • Trashy
  • Sparkly
  • Thumpy
  • Sleepy
  • Stompy

• I am explodin
• Summer school is a bitch and I wish I was on that wizard show so I could pull back the clock and give myself more time. Or I could just cast some sort of spell that would make me not have to do it...
• Camp is tomorrowww.
  • Nervous excitement.
• Bass bass bass bass bass bass bass.
• yethteryday Calloway and Rachael and Maddy and not Andy :(
• I made a dollar eating that salty garlicy peppery parmasean cheesy pizza crusty pizza crust.
• And then I went home and ate skinny fries and a milkshake with Erin at steak n shake.
• Bitchin Camaro, bitchin Camaro!
• I painted my nails with acrylic paint and ink.

• The dream I had last night was crazy. A lot of cool stuff happened.
• GOT FIVE ROLLS O FILM DEVELOPED!!!
• GOT LIKE FOUR MOVIES AT BLOCK BUSTA!!!
• I made a mix yesterday of cute happy folky tunes and also some Joy Division because they're awesome. It's a good mix, mind you!
• I made a beautiful sandwich!

But I was dumb and left it on the piano and went into the other room to get something and when I came back, my cat, Hilary, was LICKING IT. The part she didn't lick tasted good though. Hahahaha.

• Everything Is Illuminated
• Eugene Hutz, mm mm mmm.

• John Cusack
• Eraserhead
• Paleo
• Howard Moon
• Ethan Embry as Mark in Empire Records
• Patrick Fugit
• Cigarette legs boy.
• Hottie on a drum stick.
• Whoever used this blanket I am under, last. It smells delicious.
• Charlie Bartlett
• Mark Ruffalo
• Michael Cera
• Luke Wilson
• Owen Wilson
• Adam Brody
• Heath Ledger, rest his poor ol soul.
• Eugene Hutz.

more random cute bumbly people.

• There are a lot of Dunkin Donuts in Rhode Island. They're pretty damn frequent. But it's okay because we like our breakfast sangwiches and iced coffees and the occasional donut.
• Taking a nap on the beach is real real nice.
  • "Cut and Run" by Electrelane,
  • "Postcards From Italy" by Beruit,
  • "Skinny Love" by Bon Iver,
  • "Calm Go the Wild Seas" by Beulah and
  • "Thirteen" by Elliott Smith
  • Make it all even nicer.
• Why do they call it "making fun" of someone when it's not fun for the person being made fun of?
• People get so into 4th o jew lie up here. There's a parade in Bristol that's been going on for like 100 years or something and everyone is obsessed with it and the ...

• salty air
• sand
• first long road trip in two years
• lots of early kings of leon, the strokes, scofield, modest mouse, mixes mixes mixes
• camp
• writing new songs for how cozy!
• the roller derby show
• the rest of summer, etc etc etc.
• going to middle college in the fall

• visiting Rachael in murphy's bro i mean murfreesboro.
• meeting the awesome gov school friends aka Krista, Scott and Caleb.
• the perfect drive home with Kate and Lizzie in AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL weather// listening to Bon Iver.
  • the only bad part was that i thought i was going to PEE IN MY MOTHER FLIPPIN PANTS THE WHOLE DAMN TIME.
    • but the good thing about that is that I didn't. MADDY: 1, PEE PANTS: 0.
• It's hot out, but it's okay. DRESSES ARE AWESOME!
• PATCHES PATCHES PATCHES!
• MY VESSSSSST AH I LOVE IT.
• Reconnecting with people I've missed.
• Going swimming for the first time in a long time!

• Cranapple juice + ginger ale.
• Summer schooool.
• Excited for Middle College in the fall.
• Bananas.
• Dads.
• Old mixes from 8th grade.
• myface and spacebook
• Hilary and Obie (fatty cat and smoochy)
• Needles and thread and patchesss.
• Cold Case
• Crying because of Cold Case
• Adult Swim
• Sleeping rrl rrl late.
• Strapless dresses and tube tops.
• Air conditioning
• My bathroom being the coldest room in the house.
• How many times have a peed today? A FUCKING LOT.

• That I'm not going to do this anymore. I thought I wanted to, but it's not worth it. At all.
  • In simpler terms, I'm done.
• Wahoooo.

• I just started craving cottage cheese.
  • WHY THE FUCK...? Not important, not important.
• I need to not talk to people that don't want to talk to me and ask stupid questions.
• "Har har har thur's no such thing as a stupid question har har har." Shut up.
• My stomach keeps making scary noises.
• I love how so much of my life has been impacted by giving people mixes.
• Folk the World 666 is tomorrow and I don't even know if I wanna go. That'll be the first time I missed a Folk the World. Although, I didn't go to the first one. We wanted to play, but we were too scared or something, haha.
• So many people are leaving this week! Rachel and Rachael are going away for a long time and that is not fun for me. And Eri...

• Mosquitoes.
  • Those buzzy bastards are eatin me up like Andy Daverman on those cupcakes.
• 90 degree weather.
  • Who likes being sweaty? Who? Nobody. That's who.
• Being tired and exhausted for no reason.
• My macbook for not letting me put dvds or cds in it. That means I can't put new music in it (unless I like flashdrive it or somethin), I can't watch movies, and I CAN'T BURN MIXES FOR YOU OR ME OR ANYONE.
  • DAMMIT
• The fucked up doorknob on the front door of my house.
• SUMMER SCHOOL and going to tutoring like two or three times a week.
• The Nutcracker.

• Sandwiches.

A little chicken or turkey, a little cheese, a little mayo and mustard, slap it between two slices o bread and BAM. You got yerself a meal.

• Tacos.

Take some meat. Chicken or pork. Take some cheese. Put it in the microwave. Roll it up. There you go.

• A microwaved rolled up sandwich.

That is the same thing in #1, minus mayo and mustard and bread, but rolled up in a tortilla.

• Pizza taco (I am eating this as we speak.)

Take some pepperoni and mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce. Microwave that shit. Roll it up. And there you have a pizza tac...

• I ate a bagel with peanut butter and bananas at Fidooooo!
• I went to Dragon Park with Kate and Erin and I hadn't been there in forever.
• "That squirrel has really big balls."
• Tank tops.
• Those three little kids that skate at rocketown talking about how "Hunter's cousin is so hot, which is weird because Hunter is eeheuhhughghh" at dragon.
• Snappin some pictures.
• "If it wuz a dick, ah wouldn't be swingin' awn it."
• Drawing.
• Frogurt?
• Getting all of this out of my system almost completely. (ps I'm not talking about the frogurt.)
• Driving!
  • Surviving crazy rain while driving.

• I think a couple people think I still want this, but truth be told... I don't.
• I'm not angry or hurt anymore. I only was for a couple of days, anyway.
• I've just come to realize a few things.
• So I've pretty much moved away from it. Moved on, whatever.
• So right now, I don't want anything .
• Well, maybe I want something but it's different than what I had before.
• Ar ar arrrr, I'm still trying to figure that out, hahaha.
• But yeah. I've noticed some things, realized some stuff and come to some conclusions.
• I don't want to deal with the drama and the bullshit again.
• Next time I do something like this, I want there to be
  • as little drama and bullshit as possible....

• Read my favorite book, Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut, again.
• Read On the Road by Jack Kerouac. I started it, but I keep getting distracted because the print is so tiny and my mind wanders unless I read out loud. So when I'm by myself I read the words out loud but I'm bad at that so I stumble over them and feel like the kids in the Hooked On Phonics commercials that can't even say the word "we".
• Get film developed. (This is happening tomorrow!!!!!!!!! And that hasn't happened in forever.)
• Finish cleaning my roooom.
• Scan all more drawings.
• Get some good pens.
• Finish the new Capers Ave. song.
• Write awesome lyrics about what he smells like for the new How Cozy! song. Heh heh hehhh.

• fly a kite
• have a picnic
• go to the park
• watch the clouds go by
• run through sprinklers
• look for the sun
• go swimming
• eat breakfast
• read a book
• sunbathe?
• figure out how to use that telescope Kate found in the trash and look for stars and planets
• stargaze in general. like on a blanket in the grass and stuff.

30 April 2009, 2:19am

• Good music.
• I'm wearing my new flannel shirt that I got from Goodwill the other day.
• It's such a nice day. The weather is beautiful and it's breezy and there's some thunder goin on and lightning off in the distance, but not the kind of lightning that looks like a giant crack in the sky, no it's more like the kind that lights up the whole sky only it still hides behind the clouds and then all of a sudden it JUMPS out at you but gets scared and hides again!
• That run on sentence.
• Scanning things.
• Earlier I had NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, to do, so I cut up some old newspapers and an old dictionary and made this.
• Finding this.
• And this!.