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April

  • Sitting on the train, gazing outside the window, seeing a rabbit running around on a sunlit meadow.
  • Losing weight without even trying. Since I've stopped taking my meds and went vegan I'm losing ALL THE FAT. Even on weeks where I'm just too lazy to work out. And even when I eat tons of vegan chocolate at night.
  • Obsessions of April: wasabi peanuts, NBC's Good Girls (I watched the first fourteen episodes within two days because I just couldn't stop watching it. Omg. I'm so freaking addicted to this show atm. The last time I was that obsessed with a show was in 2016 when I watched the first two seasons of How to Get Away With Murder. Remember when I got up at 4am just to watch a new episode? Yeah, I think I might to that again with Good Girls.), peanut butter, Mumford & Sons (I mean, I've been obsessed with them for almost nine years, but now with the concert coming up it's just getting more intense).
  • Going plogging for the first time. Taking the dog for a walk and collecting glass bottles and plastic. Sometimes I think our world can't be saved anymore. It isn't just the plastic, it's just... everything.
  • Spotify shuffling Basil Hogios' Apricot while I read the last few pages of Through Black Spruce. Man, I almost cried, it was so intense.
  • FC Bayern winning against Dortmund with 5:0. Man, there's almost nothing more satisfying than this.
    • Also, finding out Serge Gnabry is actually vegan.
  • Munich. Doesn't matter what I do there or where I go, I always just enjoy being there.
  • Tumblr deleting my blog. They didn't even warn me, they didn't tell they were going to delete it, they just did. Within one second it was gone, 8+ years of writing and creating and happiness. And it makes me really sad and mad. There were THOUSANDS of memories on there. Not just on my blog but also in my Likes. I had thousands of photographs, poems, playlists and songs, inspiration and random notes, drawing references, writing prompts and just small things that made me happy when I looked at them saved. I basically spent half of my youth on this website. And even if it's just a website, it shaped me. Tumblr made me realize I am bisexual. Thanks to Tumblr I got to meet some wonderful people. It inspired me to write and make art. It sounds like I'm exaggerating but I'm not. I think for a long time Tumblr was the only place where I could talk about my sexuality and mental health issues, express my feelings and write about how I am, who I am. From 2011-2015 it was like my daily newspaper. I don't understand why they would just delete a small blog like mine? I mean, I didn't break the rules and I didn't even blog original posts, I just reblogged tons of shit. I e-mailed the staff and asked them why they deleted me but they didn't even reply. It's just weird?
  • Olympiapark. Trying to find cherry blossoms. (Not finding them.) Having a lovely vegan meal at Dinea. Haven't been there in ages even though it's one of my faves. Not buying anything at the OEZ. Those tiny corners and cute cafés and bars near the Schrannenhalle. Listening to Eluveitie on the train back home.
  • Those midnight fitness sessions where I'm sweating like a bitch and just want to die.
  • 11 times we shipped Beth and Rio on Good Girls.
    • They make me feel like a 16 year old fangirl again and I LOVE IT.
    • NBC renewing Good Girls for a third season. Yassss.
  • That random woman on the street greeting me and telling me my hair colour looks nice.
  • The new Star Wars teaser. Gosh, I’m so excited again.
  • Making the yummiest curry: coconut milk, pak choi, chickpeas, zucchini, onions, mushrooms. That amazing spice mix I got.
  • Finally filling the last pages of my dream journal. I started writing them down in 2015 and I now have around 400 dreams in my journal, sometimes I included sketches.
  • Walking around Dießen. Having a really good coffee. Spending some time at the lake. Bird watching. Dog watching. People watching. Then driving to Riederau because I realized I've never been to that part of the lake.
  • Spending Easter with my parents. We don't celebrate Easter but still, we wanted to do something together so we took the steamboat to Herrsching. Spending some time at the market there. Having a really good veggie pasta.

May

  • Finally seeing my favourite band live again. I owe them so much. They always make me feel so awakened, they make me want to become a real person again, they make me want to be alive again, especially the live version of Delta.
  • Visiting J. in London. Spending a few wonderful days in her flat near King's Cross. Colourful doors and wisterias in Notting Hill. Quietness in St Luke's Mews, falling in love with those black and pink houses. Seeing beautiful corners everywhere. Finding a lovely vegan café at Neal's Yard, having a cocoa "milk"shake (loved the edible flowers - pansies - even though they didn't taste like anything) and banana bread. Experiencing all four seasons in one day (typical English weather). Spending at lot of time in bookstores, just looking at books, touching and smelling them and getting inspired to start writing again; spending way too much time in the Paddington and Winnie the Pooh aisle. Buying The Cruel Prince. Walking so many kilometres our feet hurt. Falling in love with the Old Spitalfields Market (and their vegan burritos). Oh London, you're a vegan paradise. Beautiful SoHo corners - I can't wait to come back to discover the wonderful bars and pubs in SoHo, I imagine hot summer evenings and cocktails and sweaty dancing and cute British guys. Or girls. Or whatever. Watching Paddington (lol) and having lots of feels. Breakfast at The Farm Girl Café, having an açaí granola bowl (delish!), orange juice and black coffee. The Farm Girl is definitely one of the most beautiful cafés I've been to. Colourful Notting Hill houses. Trying to take a nice selfie at the Tower Bridge (and failing). Fiiiinally seeing Wicked again.
  • Brio finally kissing in Good Girls! Ohgosh, I'm such a fangirl it's hilarious. And a little bit (well, quiet a lot) in love with Christina Hendricks and Manny Montana.
  • Sexting with B. Nothing serious, just lots of fun.
  • Finally starting The God of Small Things. It's been on my bookshelf for quiet a while now and Roy's writing style is beautiful, just how I expected it to be.
  • Those orgasms...so intense you feel like you’re having an out-of-body experience. Maybe I’m not good with love, maybe I’m only good with lust.
  • Rain. Lots of it but still not enough.
  • Seeing wild baby bunnies running around a small green area in Freimann. There was a bunch of them, at least twenty. And I even found two rabbit holes.
  • FC Bayern winning against SGE with a 5:1 and becoming the German champion... again.
  • Finally meeting M. She's adorable and has the softest, friendliest smile.
  • Dancing all night, dancing until my feet started to hurt. Getting a bit tipsy. Starting to really really love gin tonic. Those two cute guys. Their girlfriends were with them so yeah, that sucked. But whatever. I had a great time.
  • Finishing Against a Peacock Sky within two days. I think I'm falling in love with reading again! In 2018 and the first five months of this year I haven't read that much, I spent too much time on my phone (did I really become one of those people!?), especially on Instagram and YouTube, but I think my love for books is coming back. (Thanks to Lea for introducing me to ASMR rooms!)
  • Obsessions of the month:
    • NBC's Good Girls. I can't believe Season 2 will be over soon. How will I survive this hiatus? I can't wait for nine months, I NEED THIS SHOW IN MY LIFE ALL THE TIME.
    • Watching Sims 4 videos on YouTube (especially the ones by Plumbella because I just love her) and having the urge to buy a gaming laptop just so I can play Sims again.
    • Listening to Robin Hobb's Ship of Magic on audio. At first I started listening to the audiobook of Assassin's Apprentice but I just couldn't really get into it and found it boring - also, there were too many male characters in the book. And after watching Insert Literary Pun Here's video about the Realm of the Elderlings books I decided to listen to the Liveship Traders audiobooks first. (Especially after reading that basically EVERYONE who read the Farseer Trilogy hated the third book.) IT IS HUGE, more than 35 hours, but I'm intrigued by the world. Let's see if I manage to finish all three books (103 hours of audio!! Good Lord...).
    • Manner Neapolitaner waffles. (Only the vegan ones, of course. I am obsessed with them.)
    • Black coffee.
  • Finding Church of Marvels (the hardcover! And the book looks amazing, it doesn't look used at all!) and Born with a Tooth on Medimops. Both books were on my To buy next list on Goodreads (which is getting smaller and smaller!) and they were only a few bucks so yay! Also, I recently got rid of some of my old books so I don't feel bad at all for buying some new ones.

June

  • The National Geographic video of Delta.
  • Selling some old CDs and books to momox and actually getting 30€ for all that crap!
  • I haven’t seen this season of Let’s Dance - only one episode or so - but Ella’s Trio Dance gave me all the gay!feels. Man, she makes me want to dance again.
  • Obsessions of June:
    • rewatching Kelsey's 100 Baby Challenge on YouTube. It feels like a TV show, I love it.
    • Killing Eve
    • Billie Eilish
    • Semidarksorahana
    • Liskin Dol
  • Binge watching Charmed Intuition Tarot on YouTube. I'm a spiritual person and love to work with energies etc but I actually don’t believe in tarot. But then I saw this video and for some reason it made me so emotional and I felt like she read my mind. At the same time it was really calming to watch it, like meditation.
  • Netflix cancelling Santa Clarita Diet. I mean, yeah, it wasn't the greatest show but I'm still gonna miss it. Also, ABC finally renewing How to Get Away With Murder. Season 5 was horrible but I really need Flaurel to reunite so I can't wait for Season 6!
  • Sometimes I feel like someone - or something - else is controlling my life. There's something wrong with my brain but I don't know what it is. All my doctors or therapists have different opinions and diagnoses, it's driving me nuts. Thinking about what I could do. I really want to get in touch with a shaman, but I find it really hard to find a real one. Hm.
  • "What I have inside me bursts the bonds of life." - Anna de Noailles.
  • That cute little house in Friedberg - it was hidden behind a bunch of bushes and trees and plants were growing everywhere. It looked like it had secrets hidden in its garden. So beautiful and mysterious.
  • Sitting by the lakeside. Finding out the kiosk serves cappuccino with oat milk! Seeing SO. MANY. DOGS. And that one dog that came up to me so I could pet him. BLESS HIM. The way the light was hitting the trees.
  • Vegan banana bread and fresh strawberries.
  • Feeling like shit, spending a day in bed. Haven't done that in years.
  • Starting Born with a Tooth by Joseph Boyden and already falling in love with it after reading the first few sentences. I can see lots of similarities to Through Black Spruce and I really love it, and I love to read about Native Americans. I think I found a new favourite author with Boyden, his writing style is beautiful.
  • Vegan Schupfnudeln with Sauerkraut.
  • Current favourite songs:
  • Rewatching old videos by Raffa. She makes my day better and I love her.
  • Seeing a lonely firefly flying around in our garden. Magical.
  • Finding Ursa Major and Jupiter in the night sky. That weird spiritual feeling I get when I look at the stars.
  • Singing Bury a friend. Rico cuddling me as if he wanted to comfort me.
apr 2 2019 ∞
jun 24 2019 +