• He walked out into the warmth of Kentucky and sat down at a picnic table across from Hassan, who seemed to be attacking the table with the pocketknife attached to his key chain.
    • "What are you doing?" Colin folded his arms on the table and then put his head down.
    • "Well, while you were in the bathroom, I sat down at this picnic table here in Bumblefug, Kentucky, and noticed that someone had carved that GOD HATES FAG, which, aside from being a grammatical nightmare, is absolutely ridiculous. So I'm changing it to 'God Hates Baguettes.' It's tough to disagree with that. Everybody hates baguettes."
  • That smile could end wars and cure cancer.
  • sitzpinkler
    • German for "pansy," or, literally, "a man who sits to pee"
  • merde
    • French for "shit"
  • Of all the major human mysteries--God, the nature of the universe, etc.--he knew the least about tampons. To Colin, tampons were a little bit like grizzly bears: he was aware of their existence, but he'd never seen one in the wild, and didn't really care to.
  • [William Howard Taft was the fattest president and one time he got stuck in a bathtub]
  • a pair of designer jeans, which hugged his ass like they were a needy boyfriend
  • [Nicola Tesla had a quasi-romantic fascination with pigeons. He really fell for one particular white pigeon. Of her, he wrote, "I loved that pigeon. I loved her as a man loves a woman."]
  • "Well, dress me up in a tutu, put me on a unicycle, and call me Caroline the Dancing Bear."
  • "I don't think you can ever fill the empty space with the thing you lost....I don't think your missing pieces ever fit inside you again once they go missing."
jul 20 2011 ∞
aug 4 2011 +