Season 1

• E3 Acafellas
  • Sue: "I'm going to ask you to smell your armpits. That's the smell of failure, and it's stinking up my office."
  • Kurt: "Every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion."
• E4 Preggers
  • Kurt: "My body is like a rum chocolate souffle. If I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise."
• E5 Vitamin D
  • Sue: "I always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness."
• E7 Throwdown
  • Sue: "I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help but picture small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting."
• E8 Mash-Up
  • Finn: "I don't think any one decision makes your life. Unless you invent some sort of zombie virus or something."
  • Sue: "You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard."
  • Sue: "I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling."
• E9 Wheels
  • Kurt: "I have an iPod shuffle dedicated exclusively to selections from Wicked."
  • Kurt: "We all know I'm more popular than Rachel, and I dress better than her."
  • Kurt: "I'm full of ennui."
• E11 Hairography
  • Kurt: "I'm in. Makeovers are like crack to me."
  • Kurt: "Rachel manages to dress like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time."
  • Kurt: "You need something to distract from your horrible personality. Most of the time I find it hard to be in the same room with you, especially this one, which looks like the place Strawberry Shortcake and Holly Hobbie come to hook up."
  • Kurt: "I don't know why I find his stupidity so charming. I mean, he's cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows."
  • Kurt: "How do you explain her constant irritation with you? It's because SHE'S A GIRL."
  • Will: "Ballad. Who knows what this word means?"
    • Brittany: "It's a male duck."
  • Finn: "I'm gonna say this as nice as I can. But you look like a sad clown hooker."

MORE QUOTES BEGINNING EPISODE TWELVE[http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/glee/season-1/page_12.html]