Because my real career will be boring to many, and hey, who gives a fuck it's not true? It'll be entertaining party small talk.

• Mascot. 31 degrees, it's hell. Good thing they feed me Coke light on crushed ice with a straw by the hour. If you think you've got a career in this, let me tell you: watch out for yucky kids & horny dogs.
• Promo girl at a mall. Paper cut's a bitch. I can never think of paper as innocent objects anymore.
• Staff at the Senate of the Philippines. Jinggoy likes his Diet Coke, Sen. Miriam wants her water bottle twisted but still capped, Sen. Pia pours Equal on her water.
• Liz Uy's PA. "I think she's a lesbian." & I saw R's youknowwhat once accidentally in the toilet. And sometimes, "si ma'am," she locks herself in an empty room and just cries and cries while eating. Girl's got issues, lah.
• Dubber for Korean soap operas. I randomly put in an expletive hear & there, but the editors almost always manage to cut them off. One day, one day...
• 7Eleven crew. People keep on knocking over the TicTacs at the counter, so I frequently exchange the candy with condoms so people would think twice.
• Operator of talk2globe. I follow all the spam/porn twitter accounts to spite my boss. VICTORY.
• Bayanihan dancer. So I can have an anak like Isaacbranflakes & ErwanHeusaff. Yep. "Can you have my babies?"
• Brazilian waxer (with certification). I shall tell tales about males getting excited during, where exactly people who get waxed look, and what is acceptable small talk.