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- Social isolation very strong - You often feel anxiety in social situations and it makes you avoid them. You feel different and therefore not fitting in. With new people you feel uncomfortable and nervous and you do not really know what to say. You might be nervous about the situation and afraid of getting into the spotlight. Feeling anxious you are wondering what others might think of you. When you are upset you are unable to use your social skills, so you will feel insecure and withdraw. You may be accustomed to avoid social situations to the extent that it seems quite natural - but at the same time you need inside a closer contact with fellow human beings. In a group you may pretend you’re more like the others and you want to give a good impression of yourself. (…) In close relationships you’ll feel more confident and calm - you can be more truly yourself. The repeated experience of being an outsider makes you avoid more and more unpleasant social situations.
- Vulnerablity very strong - You are often scared and feel insecure. You worry excessively about your health, accidents or financials. (…) You suffer from anxiety or panic attacks; or you are constantly more or less anxious, which makes it difficult for you to enjoy the everyday life. You might rely on addictions in order to facilitate anxiety. You strive to ascertain that you are safe. Therefore, you have learned to evade risks (…) you would rather stick to the old which is familiar and safe. Fears are limiting your life and your loved ones who have to adapt to your fears. Constant worrying and risk avoidance further enhance the feeling of vulnerability.
- Failure very strong - You think you are doomed to failure, as if you are lacking some essential skills or abilities. You may have learned to avoid challenges or difficult tasks in the fear of failure. You might believe that you do not know enough or you are not able to do something (…) You might compare yourself to others and consider yourself a failure, inferior, or less talented than others. You think that the others have been more successful, and you do not appreciate your own achievements - there is always someone who has succeeded or done better (actually it’s not my fault that whenever I try I fail and dig a grave to my ideas when I tried to put them on pedestal and that everyone, mostly teachers, appreciate other people more than me no matter how hard I try, this is not my fucking fault I feel this way because no matter that I could change the way of thinking the lack of luck and how people treat me won’t change)
- Dependence very strong - You feel that you are somehow unable to take care of yourself. You do not trust your own judgment. You need, therefore, other people to support you and to take care of you. You are dependent on friends and family - you are not an independent adult coping on your own. Probably you are still in close contact with your parents, who affect your life dramatically. Making decisions is difficult for you, you might be asking for advice and confirmation from others; you would change your mind many times, and still be unsure of your decision. You might avoid responsibility, initiative and challenging situations. You feel anxiety and despair if you have to take more responsibility than what you feel capable of having. Perhaps the only chance for you to survive is to team up with a strong partner, which will eventually make you even more dependent on others (and that is kinda bullshit to me because if not parents I would be dead, why to have a partner to do the same? be depended of the partner is not a big difference than be dependent of parents, that is just a stereotypical way of thinking we are grown up enough to avoid father and mother and put yourself into arms of beloved one instead, I really can’t cope with life but because I am ill, I could if I was healthy physically but I can’t get a cure so it’s not really how you think it is, because they sometimes affect my life dramatically (talking about parents again) doesn’t mean it’s way better than any abusive friends or partners I had, they are the only good ppl I have in my life and I won’t change that just to be seen as more independent, everyone who you meet in life somehow affect it and a lot of the people happen to be even manipulative so…)
- Pessimism very strong (just because I am not impulsive to fuck a boy without a condom or not look at red light while walking doesn’t mean I am a pessimist but yes I am anyhow and happy about it because it is a thing which often saves my life out of trouble I could have when not creating tragic stories in my head which could happen in the future basing on the decisions I should make, I don’t like to worry but being careful in a situation I am in (for example having borderline) is creating an environment where I can be more confident about my own actions)
- Defectiveness very strong - Your existence is characterized by worthlessness which is based on the belief of defectiveness. You might talk about yourself with a degrading tone; you are critical, harsh and angry at yourself. As if you would have within you something shameful and disgusting which needs to be kept hidden. Probably you hide your problems and mistakes, and avoid talking about them not to feel shame. You have to keep your real feelings and thoughts in secret, you do not want the others to see you as a sentimental or a needy human being. You present to people other than you really are and at the same time you are afraid of the disclosure. You are sensitive to criticism and critique, which may make you angry -> sad (actually inferiority was kinda revealed already, not fully but still… also I didn’t started this by myself out of nowhere, I already realize why I feel this way - how gays are seen in society? how ugly people are? poor people? you see? I am part of many of the minorities and part of many groups hated by people who think those who don’t suit the norms should be called worthles…)
- Emotional deprivation very strong - You feel that no one will or can satisfy your need for love and care, and probably you feel often that no one really listens and understands you. You might avoid love relationships, relationships tend to be short or you protect yourself with falling in love with a person who is not available. (...) Relationships often end after the high expectations with bitter disappointment. (...) Repeated deprivation confirms the beliefs that you will never find a life partner and you will never get the love you need (yes I try to find someone kinda perfect who doesn’t exist but also in the same time I feel like I am not good enough for anybody, being gay and religious and living in untolerant society is not making things easier, being unsure of needs because of borderline isn’t helpful as well, but I am not falling into cold people and don’t wait for them to change, I might see someone being not who I thought they are but I hope nobody tries to change for me, I would hate that because I would feel like manipulative piece of shit who trapped you in an unhappy relationship full of lies and disappointment so it’s kinda hurtful to read I can’t express my needs when I could but I am scared of doing that as they are probably not normal and I can’t fit in when every partner treats me kinda abusive and see me as a person with no feelings so thx…)
- Enmeshment very strong - (not as parents as people in general, all of them, I heared opinions of parents, grandma, sister, uncles, aunts, teachers, priests, medias, friends, partners etc. and growing up this way I didn’t have time to learn how to create my own needs, also because other people decide to move out in such young age and have money (from parents mostly so it’s not that they are more independent than me anyway) to do things which would show how grown up they are already doesn’t mean I am hurted by my situation, I like to be childish, I don’t think that spending money on an apartment when you have a room to sleep is a good idea, I don’t think there is a need to run away from family (mostly if it’s a good family) just to fit in the stereotype of an adult, also if you are not this partner who calles your gf/bf at least once a day without feeling guilty because you love them so much then you won’t get that having only 2 people on Earth who really cares about you and not telling them simply hello everyday is bad then it’s your problem, not mine, I don’t find it making me trapped) - You do not know what you want, what you need or what you feel yourself, everything is enmeshed with the other.
- Abuse very strong (if you ever had more than 20 best friends through the lifetime (not all at once) and all of them betrayed you (not counting other people who weren’t friends) try not to feel the way I do, I was bullied for years and I don’t really feel the need to be social anyhow now) - You fear that other people will hurt, cheat, be violent, abuse or take advantage of you in some way (…) You might have doubts about the intentions of others (…) You are careful and you may test whether other people are worthy of trusting. However, you may be attracted by people who are abusers and you let others treat you badly.
- Emotional inhibation strong - You are embarrassed to express positive feelings of affection or caring to other people. You believe that emotions are better to be withheld and it is better to control yourself, especially in the company of others. You probably have a lot of accumulated anger and resentment, which has not been openly expressed. You may feel that you are like a pressure boiler that could erupt at any time, therefore you are trying to control your feelings. In generally, you trust more your reasoning and logic than your emotions.
- Punitiveness strong - You are very hard on yourself and punish yourself if you act incorrectly. You are often angry at yourself and criticize yourself for your mistakes. You might feel guilty or ashamed of how you’ve acted. You may be angry at yourself because you are sometimes weak, sentimental, or needy. If something bad happens to you, you might think that it was deserved, and you do not deserve sympathy or compassion. You may also be punitive to those around you. (…) You find it hard to forgive yourself and others and you do not accept excuses too easily.
- Self-sacrifice strong - (I used to be an arm to cry on for a lot of people, an advice station and confessional) - You’ve learned to pay attention to the needs of others and your own needs can easily be left aside. If you put your own needs first, it is likely that you feel guilt. You sacrifice your own needs so that you don’t have to feel guilty about the fact that you have not noticed enough the needs of others. You sacrifice your needs voluntarily, simply because the needs of others are above your own. You are empathetic by nature, and do not want others to feel any discomfort, you’d rather feel it yourself.
- Subjugation strong - You feel that you need to please your loved ones, friends, colleagues and even strangers. You do not want to be tricky, but nice and comfortable, so you easily agree to things that do not seem to be particularly important to you. You may find it difficult to stand up for yourself in both small and large matters. You let others control you more or less, because you want to avoid unpleasant consequences. You do not openly express your needs, because you do not see them important enough. You hide your anger to evade a conflict. However, the suppression of anger leads to accumulation of anger inside of you, which is usually dissolved either in a passive expression of anger as a small-scale revenge, gossip, slowing down, whining; or surprising aggressive temper tantrums.
- Entitlement strong - (this one happened to be so dumb I don’t know if I should cry or laugh, it deny all the informations I read before! just read it and say I’m wrong - if I can’t talk about my needs how I can act this way? how I can control my partner if I let them control me because I can’t stand up for myself? also I ADORE ROUTIN, I am not easily bored so all of this is one pile of lies - goodbye, I can accept that I am worthless, stupid or smth but not the things which completely can’t be a definition of me )
- Abandonment strong - (I have no problem with sitting alone so I don’t get how it could make me strongly feared of abandonment (yes I somehow am scared of it but it can be diagnosed via this information) also is that bad to not want to be with ppl who don’t want to really BE with you? wtf?… if this makes me in a trap, let me stay there!) - Fear of loss of controls your life - you are worried about being left alone. You believe that your loved ones will die or leave you one way or another. You fear being left alone and will probably stick to your close people, but at the same time expel them from you – your worst fear is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Loss of fear induces a lack of confidence that comes out as control, possessiveness and jealousy. (…) You easily make wrong interpretations of other people’s intentions, based on which you may overreact, like when someone is not answering your call or text message. Although the relationship is stable, it feels only temporary - as if it were constantly at stake. When you get desperate you might threaten with separation, as if to test your expectations - will the relationship come to an end this time. Losses you experience strengthen your beliefs that you can’t find any lasting relationship -> but with this I agree!
- Insufficient self-control strong - (again, not sure how this is counted, I am not impulsive and it is visible even here already, I am not easily bored and I love routine - that’s why I gave one point to that, I have no troubles with putting limits on myself so it also means I am not impulsive and because I have trouble with deciding it doesn’t have to mean I am impulsive anyhow! it means I might never make a decision so also NEVER make a commitment and if this = being impulsive then I wonder how those who change like the wind blows and never end what they started can be called… “ You do not always think about the consequences of your actions, which will cause you problems”? really? I am thinking about every fucking possibility of what will happen if I do this or that but I don’t care about the consequences? wtf?… “ Lack of self-discipline” - wait didn’t I mentioned I can put limits for myself?… I bet you didn’t read that right because you can’t just read and be so wrong later…)
- Unrelenting standards no lifetrap
- Approval seeking no lifetrap - (it’s like I need attention but I hate it so kinda hard to guess but I should agree with it as I don’t even fully understand myself on that field)- You may make decisions thinking how your parents, your partner or your friends accept them. You may be afraid to do things on your own way, because you are afraid that might be accused or criticized. In a group you are trying hard to belong and you might transform yourself, depending on what you think others want from you.
jan 8 2016 ∞
jan 9 2016 +
jan 9 2016 +