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- Bill Bailey: “A lot of people say there’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I don’t think there’s a fine line, I actually think there’s a yawning gulf. You see some poor bugger scuffling up the road with balloons tied to his ears, he’s not going home to invent a rocket, is he?"
- Jackie Chan: "Rolling! Action! Jump! Cut! Hospital!"
- Michael Mcintyre:
- "My wife and I both made a list of 5 people we could sleep with. She read hers out and there were no surprises: George Clooney, Brad Pitt etc… I thought ‘I’ve got the better deal here'. Your sister…"
- “I've got a little baby, I made him…He doesn't speak, he’s 2…He’s a slow learner, he’s only got 2 words…car and map…I'm slightly worried he’s trying to escape. If his next word is passport we are in serious trouble!”
- [On Valentine's cards] "Just last week I wrote, “I still love you. See last year’s card for full details."
- Paul Merton:
- "There are various ways to give up smoking; nicotine patches, nicotine gum. My auntie used to pour a gallon of petrol over herself every morning.”
- “My aunt died at precisely 10.47am and the old grandfather clock stopped at exactly the same time also. It fell on her.”
- “My hair’s got a life of its own. Last week I found it in the kitchen, making an omelette.”
- “The first underground station ever opened was Baker Street in 1906. What was the point of that? Where would you go?"
- Ron Chernow: "I have developed a very strong partiality for the dead: they don't talk back, they don't sue, and they don't have angry relatives."
- Russel Brand: "Thank you for for being so kind to me about my physical appearance. But of course beauty is transient and one day you and I will both die, Jonathan. We'll be nought but dust... Not today though! Today's going to be lovely!"
sep 24 2013 ∞
mar 26 2014 +
mar 26 2014 +