✰ — Stole from Bruna's list . Start date: March 26, 2016

March

▷ 26 | Was it the right thing to tell him? Wasn't it silly?

▷ 27 | Ok srsly who told Dan he could be so sweet as that

▷ 28 | It's been almost four months and it still feels that I can't be happy again, that I'm just a burden because of what I want.

▷ 29 | I'm so scared.

▷ 30 | I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...

▷ 31 | Sweetness overload today. My god, Dan whispers are heaven.

April, the month of despair

▷ 1 | One month of despair. AND HELL YEAH GONNA WRITE THINGS IN THIS NANO YE BABY NO ONE CAN STOP ME

▷ 2 | Seven hours.

▷ 3 | I WANNA DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE. Okay no. Actually, I love twenty one pilots lyrics; it makes me think that if I'm sad about something, I should just fight it.

▷ 4 | Now the ship is canon HELL YE, I'm happy.

▷ 5 | HOLY SHIT THE OTHER CABIN MUST WRITE MORE

▷ 6 | Hmmm I need to do something else besides writing but HMMM

▷ 7 | Dan are you the most wonderful person in the world? 'Cause you srsly are wonderful.

▷ 8 | Anxiety sucks. I just wish I didn't have that problem...

▷ 9 | Died today. Of cuteness, 'course.

▷ 10 | Fluffines, fluffiness everywhere.

▷ 11 | hmmmm

▷ 12 | every day is being a nice day

▷ 13 | what kind of sorcery is this

▷ 14 | not that I don't like it tho

▷ 15 | actually I love Dan even more

▷ 16 | gdi I don't know if I have a thing for moans and whispers itself or if I have a thing for Dan moans and whispers.

▷ 17 | YAY FINISHED THE PLOT CHAP YAY

▷ 18 | hmmm kinda feels like there's nothing in my mind after that plot chap. So I'll just read things coz HNNG

▷ 19 | WRITING WRITE LALALALA

▷ 20 | aaaaaaaa

▷ 21 | argh

▷ 22 | everything sucks without internet

▷ 23 | at least I'm writing

▷ 24 | but the bad is attacking, and to be honest...

▷ 25 | I think I'm getting really tired of forcing me to write

▷ 26 | Ok I'm writing but it's hard, so hard...

▷ 27 | Even so

▷ 28 | I'll try not to give up

▷ 29 | I will not give up.

▷ 30 | I didn't give up. I. FUCKING. DID. IT! I DIIIIIIDDDD ITTT

May

▷ 1 | I really love making plots for stories and all, but I really hate getting anxious about it, wondering what everyone will think (silly? a bad plot? a strange thing to write about?), and that makes me angry. I didn't care before, why now?

▷ 2 | I feel like the story is screaming something like: LET ME OOOOUUUUT!

▷ 3 | I'm hungry.

▷ 4 | I can't believe it. Everything was so fine, and now... Guess that's what people mean when saying that not a single happiness last long.

▷ 5 | I feel so awful.

▷ 6 | It's nice to discover new things.

▷ 7 | I'm not feeling exactly well, but I'm getting better, I guess.

▷ 8 | Ugh now I know why I didn't like any of my sisters. At least Samara's dog is cute.

▷ 9 | Finally peace.

▷ 10 | Such a funny feeling.

▷ 11 | Argh.

▷ 12 | Oh my god, I should how to sleep early when I need to, even my sleepiness can't drive the anxiety attacks away.

▷ 13 | Hell yeah, gonna read EVEN MORE THINGS! I'm so scared of writing and posting, though...

▷ 14 | Ernesto Potter is really nice.

▷ 15 | Meh, so bored.

▷ 16 | I'm really getting annoyed about not knowing things. Really, it just seems like I didn't used my time for good things. It's not my fault, but...

▷ 17 | Bleh. Another day that I didn't did nothing good, and I just felt sad and angry and annoyed about not knowing things.

▷ 18 | I wish I could write more. Satisfaction and Two breaths walking is really cool tho.

▷ 19 | I wish I didn't have anxiety. Nor depression, agorafobia or whatever.

▷ 20 | It's so good to feel like I'm progressing.

▷ 21 | Meh, nothing to do, no one to talk...

▷ 22 | Weeeeeee

▷ 23 | I'm tired.

▷ 24 | Ouch my heart ;-;

▷ 25 | INFORMATION!

▷ 26 | Well, it's been a while, but still fun~

▷ 27 | Mrrr.

▷ 28 | Oh my god, i wish I could sleep properly

▷ 29 | This sunday looks like a sunday.

▷ 30 | THIS MONDAY LOOKS LIKE A SUNDAY

▷ 31 | "The trembling and the fear is more that I can take when I'm up against the echo in the mirror" (8)

June

▷ 1 | WeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEeeeee. Weeee

▷ 2 | Hmm, what happened today anyway?

▷ 3 | WEEEEEEE FICTION FIC

▷ 4 ♥ | God damn it Dan. q

▷ 5 | hnng such Raio de ú ost hnng much Hinabun hnng Dan said I'm like Hinabun but hnng

▷ 6 | I'm such a foolish. I feel like one, at least.

▷ 7 | Wish I could be able to do something for Dan.

▷ 8 | PRUU PRUU

▷ 9 | Uh.

▷ 10 | What was I doing

▷ 11 | Feelings, feelings. They're not so good today.

▷ 12 | So fracking cold.

▷ 13 | OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE

▷ 14 | Ernesto Potter e a Ordem da Feniques is so tiring.

▷ 15 | Everything is grey, his hair, his smoke, his dreams, and now I'm missing the people that I annoy and I don't know why~

▷ 16 | Horrible morning/afternoon, gosh.

▷ 17 | This creepypasta still creeps me out, and it's been a long time since I read it for the first time.

▷ 18 | What am I doing with my life? At least INFORMATION!

▷ 19 | hmmmm intensifies

▷ 20 | Ugh

▷ 21 | HMMMMM

▷ 22 | Oh my god the week is going too fast

▷ 23 | Nice midnights.

▷ 24 | INTERNET SPENDING DAAAAAY

▷ 25 | This week is running so much, it's seems like I'm not doing anything that I want, it just seems like I'm wasting all my time | Sometimes, I feel so pressured by myself... | Oh god why i'm so fucking angry? There's not even a reason for it | I don't want to annoy anyone anymore | Stop thinking, Lawliet | There's so much in my head right now...

▷ 26 | Forever in my mind~

▷ 27 | Ommmggg today me and Dan had a nice night on the phone and omgg, I missed his moans, his voice, aaah~ I really love this guy.

▷ 28 | I know I have to study, and I'm tyring my best to do so, it's really great and all, but sometimes it just gets on my nerves. Everyone says that I don't know nothing. it hurts more when I realize that its entirely my fault. I could have done that sooner. I could've studied more, did more, but I just didn't want to. What have I been doing with my life?

▷ 29 | I am fucking drunk (for the first time!). I didn't know this things (tried to see what's the flavor of cachaça) had so much alcohol. Didn't like it, totally not going to do it again. It was fun, though.

▷ 30 | aaa so excited

July

▷ 1 | YES, NANOWRIMO, YES! Missed this feeling, missed the hype. It's my favorite pat of the year. I don't really care about myself being a crazy person with a 100k goal, it's just so fun.

▷ 2 | SO MANY SONGS. I have so much inspiration that I could give a lot and still would have a lot for myself. AND YAY I REALLY MISSED THE RPG~

▷ 3 | Lol it's so fun to annoy people by morning. But it kinda makes me sad, Abe don't really seem to want to be annoyed. So I won't do that so often, instead I will annoy some other people, yay! (meh tho, there's not so many people that is fun to annoy, besides Dan, he I will keep annoying for the rest of my life)

▷ 4 | AAAA I FINISHED A FIC AAA I DIDN'T THOUGHT I WOULD BE ABLE TO DO THIS AGAIN, IT'S LIKE, THE THIRD FUCKING FIC I EVER FINISHED IN MY LIFE and Dan is a cute thing. I'm so happy these days.Yeah, a little bothered because people are confusing, BUT I AM HAPPY.

▷ 5 | Ugh I feel so bad and I don't even know why. That's so annoying.

▷ 6 | Aand I'm still feeling like garbage.

▷ 7 | AAAA KINGDOM HEARTS BIRTH BY SLEEP I WANNA PLAY BUT I HAVE TOO WRITE I MUST NOT GIVE UP OF CAMP AAAAA

▷ 8 | oh mY GOD KINGDOM HEARTS BIRTH BY SLEEP IS SO FUN

▷ 9 | YAY BETAS!

▷ 10 | This saturday looks like a sunday, but at least I have King to read a little and keep the boredoom away from me.

▷ 11 | God I need to stop playing this thing. It's too fun.

▷ 12 | How strange.

▷ 13 | I just don't wanna do anything. There are people who are so confusing sometimes...

▷ 14 | Agh.

▷ 15 | Aagh.

▷ 16 | Need more people to annoy, not more people getting tired of being annoyed.

▷ 17 | I'm so bored. It feels like there is no end to my boredom, sometimes.

▷ 18 | And it doesn't, really.

▷ 19 | I can't do anything right, I just hate myself.

▷ 20 | Everything sucks. I don't wanna talk to anyone. I don't wana face anyone. I'm just so anxious, I can't control myself.

▷ 21 | FRACK

▷ 22 | Fuck fuck

▷ 23 | Fuck me sideways

▷ 24 | I shouldn't have internet, but you know what? FUCK IT.

▷ 25 | OH YEAH BABY INTERNET SPENDING DAY! I don't give a fuck anymore, I just want to have fun.

▷ 26 | YAY PLAYING THINGS but i'm kinda bored BUT YAY

▷ 27 | Fuck my life.

▷ 28 | I really hate anxiety.

▷ 29 | Really, there's no other thing I hate the most than anxiety and depression, or maybe all of theseproblems. I want to do things. I'm too scared of doing it, and I ended up just not doing anything and passing all of my days like the same thing, the same as yesterday, the same as tomorrow.

▷ 30 | KITTIES, SO CUTE SO AAAAA

▷ 31 | I'm scared that I'd might be slowly going back to a state where I don't care about anything, just feel a deep nothing inside of me. It was the only way to survive some things that happened in my life, but I've wasted so many days doing things just for the sake of doing them, just because I would feel really bad staying in my bad the whole day. And I don't want that. I definetly don't want that. But it's just that thing: what else can I do so I don't feel like this?

August

▷ 1 | Well I just don't know what's happening. Sometimes I don't care about anything and don't want to talk with anyone, even though I force me to do so. But at other times, I just... I don't know. It's all so really strange for me. What's happening with my life, really?

▷ 2 | Fuck myself, I just hate me and everything and I don't deserve any that I have, nor my friends nor anything. I'm so ashamed, I don't think I'll ever be able to come back and talk properly. Fuck.

▷ 3 | Ugh.

▷ 4 ♥ | Oh hey, Pokémon Reborn is pretty fun. ALSO FOUR MONTHS TOGETHER!

▷ 5 | Fuck, I can't stop playing. Mostly because I can have a ~FENNEKIN~, I've always wanted one. And because well, it's fun~

▷ 6 | Candiiiiiiiiesssssssss

▷ 7 | I HAVE A DELPHOX, OMG

▷ 8 | Reborn is consuming my fucking soul.

▷ 9 | I kinda like that, tho

▷ 10 | I need to stop.

▷ 11 | Don't think about anxiety, don't think about anxiety, just don't think about your anxiety.

▷ 12 | Most people won't know, and that's also okay. But just keep not thinking about your anxiety

▷ 13 | I just wish I could have more data to spend.

▷ 14 | What.

▷ 15 | Oh god, why.

▷ 16 | Still don't want anything, lel.

▷ 17 | Ugh.

▷ 18 | These days are being so tiring.

▷ 19 | Boring, boring. Today I hated a girl who I didn't ever talked to, it was nonsense from my part. I hate myself for this.

▷ 20 | Is the week passing too quickly or is it just a impression? I don't know... Wish I could've done more.

▷ 21 | WELL IT'S BECAUSE LIFE LOVES ME THAT EVERYTHING THAT IS BAD WILL HAPPEN TO ME, ISN'T THAT RIGHT?

▷ 22 | I hate this.

▷ 23 | Why is everything sough even after my light is back?

▷ 24 | Agh, fuck my life. I want to do things, but I am fucking procrastinating. All I know is procrastinate.

▷ 25 | YAAAAAAY

▷ 25 | *still yaaaayyying* It's nice, i'm being able to literally ignore everything bad that's hapenning, it's almost like I don't care anymore about the fact that my life sucks and I'm still having panic attacks. Don't get that on the wrong way, though, I really am happy about it. It's... The first time I don't really think that life sucks.

▷ 27 | Yeah, back to my usual self.

▷ 28-29-30 | I still hate my life. I miss him. | Maybe I can be well again, no? Well, I guess not. I'm just pretending. What I'm showing to other people isn't myself, isn't what how I'm trly feeling. What I'm tryingo to make myself believe is just a lie, cause I'm not so distracted as I look like. You want the truth? Here it is then: I miss him. I miss him so much, I'm such an idiot and I wish I could die already.

September

▷ 1-2 | Well, I still have to do something. I don't want my life to be stuck in the same point again. Though I'm still missing him, a little much today. If we were still together, I would invite him for a call on skype...

▷ 3 | Semms like everything is gonna be ok. I'm getting better and i'm managing these feelings nicely. The only thing that bothers me... Well, it's best not to think about it.

▷ 4 | Nah, nevermind. Everything is terrible again. I'd be better off dead. I just... Feel so naive, thinking that things could get better. Just... Sigh. I wanna give up of RPGs...

▷ 5 | Aaaaaaa

▷ 6 | I hate people who ask me to add them on skype and then don't talk to me. And I hate even more when I try to talk to them, but they're just not interested. Why the fuck did you add me anyway?

▷ 7-8-9-10-11-12 | Life is pretty boring. I'm trying not to think so much, but it's really hard. Specially when I met this one random guy, who looks really nice and all. He's way too smart for me. I feel stupid talking (or trying to) with him, cause really, every time i try to understand a thing that he says, I don't reach into any conclusions nor theories, then I have to ask and feel even more stupid than before. I hate that about myself. I can't understand anyone. Bah. Oh, but one thing nice that he remebered me: I'm trying to write with capitalization (? wtf) on phrases. It's hard. I'll probably give up tomorrow.

▷ 13-14 | Life sucks. Bah.

▷ 15-16-17 | Everyday looks the same and I'm lonely. *sigh*

▷ 18 | Bah.

▷ 19-20-21-22-23-24 | BahhhhhhhhhHHHHHH AAAAAAAAA *dies*

▷ 25-26-27 | Good mood~

▷ 28-29-30 | Lonely, but in a good mood, regardless. Or something like that.

October

▷ 1-2 | Good days in a way. I felt really lonely, like there was no one in the world left for me or left to love me. Felt really useless. Unimportant. Awful. I think I'm... Well, I just want to do things to feel like I'm not procrastinating like hell.

▷ 3-4-5-6 | I don't know what to do and I'm bored and I want to give up on people. All of them.

▷ 7-8-9 | Boredoom will kill me someday, really.

▷ 10-11 | ssssssssaAAAAAAAAA

▷ 12 | Fuck me and my problems, fuck myself, fuck my anxiety, fuck Abe, fuck Sard, fuck Dan, fuck Tio Jonas and fuck every fucking one.

▷ 16 | Why do I even bother | Kanamu is such a lovely person.

▷ 17 | I have no place in this world. | What have I done | Why I am like this and why can't I become a better person? Why people don't want to understand? Why do I even fucking bother?

▷ 18-19 | a

▷ 20 | Ladybugs are so cute~ | Wish I could be useful. | Wish I could help. | Wish I wasn't like this.| Wish I could be another someone, not Lawliet. Lawliet isn't worth. | Not really sure if this will work. | YAY PLAYING THINGS WITH SARD | aaaaaAAAAAAA | What am I doing with my life | Life is so boring | Fuck.

▷ 21-22 | aa | feels, so much feels | Drifiting slowly~ | Raphú is a nice Mestre, I kinda like him while being scared at the same time. | Wish I could talk to Sard some more. | Wtf Sieg added me on 2ic wtf. He has such a good writing tho. | Started reading MISTO-QUENTE, the greatest book title of all. | I do wish I could write Danny in a better way | And make him do seme things, but... | I'm surprised Daimo is actually helping me with that. I do love him and the others, so much. I should tell them sometime. | WISH I COULD'VE PLAYED WITH SARD BUT | I keep forgetting about Dan existence and this is so UGH.

▷ 23-24 | FUCK YEAH BUTTERFLIES AND A FLOWER CROWN I'M A PRETTY FUCKING PRINCESS

▷ 25 | Ugh, it's on time slike this that I hate myself. | Well, it wasn't the best way to calm me down, but it worked anyway. | Weeeee | WEEEEEEEE

▷ 26-27-28 | Sigh. | Fun nights, but, still... | Oh my god what the fuck was that double critical hit?

▷ 29-30-31 | I feel like I'm being spoiled. It's... Nice?

November

▷ 1-2-3-4-5 | YAAAAAAAAAAAAY NANOWRIMO YAAAAAAAAAAYYY WRITING WRITE~~ | This collab with Sard is so fun! I'm getting nervous about not being able to write (I'm not a pantser, I need planning and I kinda have a writers block of some sort???), but... It's nice anyway. Seeing Sard letting himself get carried away by our writings is really cute. And his writing is hnnnrg, fucking beautiful. Life goals, man. | Also spending time with him is so fun~ This writer's block or whateve ris really annoying the shit outta me.

▷ 6 | I was actually hoping that we would have more time to spend together. Well, what can I do. I still have to write, HMMM, WHAT SHALL I WRITE NOW.

▷ 25-26-27-28 | AAAAAAAh -w-

▷ 29 | Oh for fuck sake, and when I thought it was going to be a good day... I hope everything is alright with senpai. I'm worried about him.

December

▷ 9 | My keyboard died today. It had a good life. Now I'm stuck with the virtual one, ugh. | Today I got the urge to write poems again, two of them. They're nice.

▷ 10-11 | So it's finally my birthday, huh. I wasn't really trying to think about it, but now I... I'm 18 years old. Soon I'll have to face life as it is. And I don't want to. I really don't want to. Just... Leave me alone. I don't wanna deal with all this complicated stuff, I just want to enjoy my birthday as a special day, not a day that seems like another boring Sunday full of worry. | Senpai asked me something weird today. I guess he's worried. And pretty much stressed out. Wish I could do something for him. | I wonder if this relationship means something special to him, jut like it is for me. I should ask him later. | Senpai brought me a game on Steam for my birthday. I wish he didn't. I don't like presents. I don't want anything. I don't know if I should accept it, but now what's done is done, I guess... | I hate those types of conversation. | Fuck my life.

▷ 28 | OH GOD. OH DEAR GOD. I love his voice. | And yeah, I had so much fun today! I'm glad senpai also is. | I wish I could call his name. Or people names properly. It's almost like I lost the skill along the way. | Aaaa ♥

▷ 31 | Ugh, I hate anxiety. | I don't get Abe sometimes. He's such a confusing guy. | I hope senpai don't hate me. I dunno why would he, though, I haven't done anything wrong. | YAY MAKING LISTS FILLS ME WITH DETERMINATION. | Senpai reminded me that I dunno anymore about my sexuality. Oh, welp. | 2016 was a good year.