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✰ — Don't really know what I'm doing here, but now it's a thing to see if I can write everyday.
March
▷ 15 | Told myself I would write something today. Didn't work. At least now I got an ideia of how I'm going to plot the DeLiPa and what I'm going to do with the prologue. Ye.
▷ 16 | Told myself I would write something today again, now it worked, but I think it's because of an extension for Opera. Anyways, got 2,567 words, a chapter done and more 443 more others. Now I'm hella tired.
▷ 17 | Didn't get enough sleep, couldn't write. But I tried to do something in the gay notebook. Gonna redo tomorrow.
▷ 18 | 873 words today, and a prologue done. Felt the joy of posting a new fic again. Nice.
▷ 19 | I don't wanna write today.
▷ 20 | Oh but that was a nice day for writing. Something like 1,500 words or so, 49% of my daily plan (2,500 words), but it's a good thing.
▷ 21 | Same as yesterday! Really nice, though. I'm loving how the chapter is going.
▷ 22 | Well I wrote just a bit today. Something is blocking me; maybe the sadness. So I just made a few words and got to read something.
▷ 23 | Welp I made five reviews today. Does that count?
▷ 24 | Basically the same as yesterday, adding a few words and the wild block again.
▷ 25 | Ok I really need to write but the rpg is so nice
▷ 26 | I can't even feel guilty about not writing something because Dan is so sweet.
▷ 27-28-29 | 110 words only.
▷ 30 | Nothing. Just sadness about not being able to make the DeLiPa fic... Gonna leave it to CampNaNoWriMo.
▷ 31 | SO EXCITED FOR CAMP YAY
April, the month of despair
▷ 1 | 4464 words and counting. ♡ 6989 is the total amount I got. Really really happy about it. NaNo hype *O*
▷ 2 | Just 2868 words today, but I'm SO happy because I just finished my chapter 6 ♡ Started the ch14, time to prgress the story and PLOT!
▷ 3 | Reached 12 cá today. HELL COXINHAS YEAH
▷ 4 | 4 cá *dances*
▷ 5 | 9 cá *dances*'_
▷ 6 | Welllll I'm not with that hype today, so I just watched some animes to boost my creativity. Take a little break, ya know? I'll do more later~ Also i really need to plot some things. DeLiPa and DeLaPa is getting hard to even try, 'cause Ikind of love the two ideias, but my mind loves to get into dark thoughts. I try, my mind don't let me, and I'm kind lost here.
▷ 7 | Oh my fucking god I'm so pissed off cause cólica killed me.
▷ 8 | 20958 in NaNo now. Gods. Didn't write that much... Almost gave up, too.
▷ 2²/3²/4² | NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP. 23710 words. I know I can do it~
▷ 10 | Reached 26984 words. Uguuu.
▷ 11 | Another nice day for writing. 31639 words. I kind of want to make even more words than I made in the last Camp NaNo, so I'm working for it. Not now, though. Now I want to read things.
▷ 30 | I. DID. IT!!!!!! 104,072 WORDSSSSSSSSS AAAAA
May
▷ 1 | Oh no. NaNo is over. What am I gonna do now? PLOT THINGS LIKE THE DELAPA AND ALL WEEE
▷ 2-3-4 | I am plotting. u_u
▷ 5 | Maybe the lists and all are all that's saving me from not writing absolutely nothing these days. Don't know what hanppened. I'm just not feeling up to, even though I have a lot, a whole lot of things to write. Meh.
▷ 6 | I really, really don't feel like writing. I'm feeling too... too... desprepared (?). Discouraged, dis everything. It's like I don't feel good at all with my writing style, with my ideias and with what I rally want to write. It seems like I don't know about the world just yet, that I should so I can write a really lively thing or have really good ideias. And sometimes, my passion just feels... Silly. Like a reall tiny thing and not good at all, not enough to be felt and to be seen as a nice thing. So I... Don't wanna now. Maybe if I read and get to know more things, I'll feel better. Maybe, if I let myself not worry about the DeLaPa and DeLiPa, I'll feel better to write a good history.
▷ 7 | Nope, I'm not gonna write today either. Not feeling like it, not feeling good enough. Actually, I'm scared. But oh well.
▷ 8-9-10-11 | Pfft. Do you really think I'm gonna write?
▷ 12 | I don't think I'm making progress about ~having to know the world and what kind of texts it has to offer~. If so, then it's a really slow progress that is pissing me off.
▷ 13 | I feel so tired and scared. I'm still feeling discouraged when it's about writing, I'm not even writing in my diary anymore thinking that I may be not prepared for certain things. I wish I could read more. Do more. Have more. Argh.
▷ 14 | I'm still not writing, with the same feeling of before. At least I found some new things and even more that I can find out about. Music, RPG things, books, a whole lot of things.
▷ 15 | Today I tried writing in my diary and tried something with a prompt that Alysse gave me, to make a dialogue with Altaris and Chris, two characters of my Pokémon fanfic. I don't really know if it's gonna work, but I kinda of did something. But I... don't know. The feeling of not being prepared is still here, consuming me everyday that passes, making me think that the pen in the paper doesn't have the same feeling, and it's not so easy anymore to make the words come out. And I'm getting scared of it. What if I can never feel good about writing in the paper or in the pc again? It scares me not having experience for writing what I want, though, but that's not the only thing I'm scared of. I still can't do it. Not now.
▷ 16 | Well, I'm trying to write. Did something in my diary again, it's not much, but it okai. I'm still kinda sad, though...
▷ 17 | Wrote in my diary again. You know what's worse? I don't think I can write DeLiPa nor DeLaPa. Again. I don't even know why I'm still trying if I fail every fucking time.
▷ 18-19 | Lol nope
▷ 20 | Well, at least I did well on the rpg today. I'm not exactly losting (wut) my passion or anything, it was nice to write all those turns, even though we didn't actually finished the session.
▷ 21 | I'm still scared of writing, though. Told myself I would write when I turned off the internet, but instead I ended up sleeping, too scared to open the file. Predictable.
▷ 22 | Today is the deadline for DeLiPa and I am NOT going to write anything related to it.
▷ 23 | I'm tired. Really. I tried. Really tried. Opened Focuswriter and everything. Tried in my notebook. Turned off the internet. Told someone about my feelings. Read. Tried some more, but it didn't work. It didn't. Fucking. Work. I'm so tired... Tomorrow will be the last time, and if it doesn't work, I'll seriously give up for now.
▷ 24 | Thought I was going to give up on trying to write, but I didn't. Betas Respondem thing really helped me.
▷ 25 | Well I didn't write, but I read some really nice articles with Han about how to get ideias and how to be more creative. Think i'm gonna start using then~
▷ 26 | Yaaaay, RP with Alysse! I just love Alex, he's so nice to write with, and the very first entry was so nice to write. I think I miss writing nice things with him.
▷ 27 | Nothing todsay again. Redaing some things and stuff, so I can have even more reference for thigs, mwhaha! I... guess?
▷ 28 | But aw, I'm so lazy, I should do it but I'm not really with the motivation. So hmm, I'll keep finding nice things for now and reading other fanfics.
▷ 29 | Didn't write and mky god, how this day looked like a sunday.
▷ 30 | ^Idem.
▷ 31 | I'm gonna run away now, and n-n-n-never look back (8) Ah, I mean, I realized that DeLaPa will be on June 8th, then i decided I would stop procrastinating so I can write without feeling lost in all this plot mess. Didn't actually write, but asked Alysse for a drawing of Anette (SO BEAUTIFUL) and found some songs that'll be very inspiring, like the mashup of Hibikaze and ECHO.
June
▷ 1 | Wrote a bit today, it was nice.
▷ 2 | Not today, though.
▷ 3 | Today I wrote some more.
▷ 4-5 | But today, nope. I'm just not feeling like it.
▷ 6 | Fuck the DeLaPa. Fuck the DeLiPa. I seriously don't care anymore. Today, something happened and now I'm feeling such a foolish, such an idiot by being sohappy with every little thing, annoying everyone, wanting to make friends and to be a good person, gentle and all. It doesn't feel good anymore, uit doesn't feel worth it. It feels like I'm waking up from a long and good dream where I didn't care about all of those, and suddenly I realise that I am caring about what they say and what they think, about people liking it or not. It's not right. It's not good. I don't want that. I just want to write, I just want to be myself knowing that someone will like. I want to be myself even if no one like it. I want to write and I want to post my stories and I want to feel safe in my own home.
▷ 7-8 | Not feeling like it. I just don't care anymore. My problems are all consuming me at this point, then I just... don't care. Don't want to care. Don't want to write and have a panic attack becuase of silly things. I mena, it's not like I'm not going to write anymore, it's just that now I don't want to. I just... Just wanted to make good use of the year that I'm not doing anything at all, but I can't, my problem are not letting me... I know I must do something about it, but what will I do? Who I will ask help of? What can I do? How can I do? How am I going to write all that I want with all those problems?
▷ 9 | Nah. Wrote some of QVV in curso, though, which was really nice because ugh, curso is so fucking tiring sometimes. It was a good way to distract myself from anxious thoughts.
▷ 10-11 | Just reading is enough. Nope, reading/watching nice things some more, although I really want to start writing again... At least i wrote in my diary today. Well, anyway, I made another decision today while writing. Don't hold me back now, myself.
▷ 12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21-22 | what just happened these days? I mean, I procrastinated a lot, so I don't remember.
▷ 23 | At least I wrote on my notebook today.
▷ 24 | INTERNET SPENDING DAAAAAAAAAY SO THERE'S NO TIME TO WRITE
▷ 25 | Yay, RPGs~
▷ 26 | This sunday looks like a sunday and for some reason i want to write. But for some other reason, I didn't.
▷ 27 | Oh, the procrastination~
▷ 28 | Some people are saying that my writing is good, two of them that I really care about, but for some reason, I just can't believe it. It still feels like I have so much to learn yet...
▷ 29 | Nope I am not going to write. Decided it would be better to left everything that I have to write for the camp NaNo, which is next month already. Since me, Lita and Line are going to do 100k, it'll be better to have the competition spirit so I can write everything that I still have to.
▷ 30 | I'm excited for camp~ I'm not gonna write today, though, aside for some things that my mind was just screaming for me to write. BUT IT WAS A NICE NIGHT BECAUSE NANO AND NGHH. Also did I already said that Han decided to be a CUTE LITTLE PERSON and I received like, a lot of comments? HAN UR SO, SO CUTE AAAA
July
▷ 1 | YES, FINALLY NANO STARTED! I really missed writing my fics and doing that with all the hype I can have, all the sprints and that. otally, june, july and november are becoming my favorite months of the year. It ake sme remember how I love writing and how I love myself, how I usually act. It makes me remember how I love to motivate people. It's so nice.
▷ 2 | Oh god I found so many musics. Yes, I procrastinated instead of writing, but today I tried training along with Abe and found so many musics that I can write with those by the rest of the month. It was fun to play with Abe. We tried writing a thing with three words I told him I would like to use in my fics/texts (he made me have this thing of saying text instead of fic, help), and strangely, he liked those. He's so.. Strange. Didn't expect Abe would like. Seriously, it made me confused but happy anyways. It was fun~ OH, ALSO I TRIED THE LIGA DOS BETAS THING, WEEE.
▷ 3 | Kept writing by morning while annoying Abe, it's really nice to do that. Aside for looking like he doesn't want to be annoyed (ugh, he's one of the most fun people to annoy, so lame), it was a fun day. But I didn't got to chance to write that much because I was so tired, didn't learn yet how to sleep early.
▷ 4 | OH. MY. GOD. I FINISHED A FANFIC TODAY, THE QVV ONE. I MEAN, WHAT, HOW, ASMDLKSAJKLFMDSKLFJKLS OMG, I'm so happy. I really didn't thought I was going to finish something in NaNoWriMo, or, well, this year, by myself being so down about writing before NaNo. But I did it. I. Fucking. Did. It. God, I'm so happy. The third fanfiction I wrote, and the second oneshot. I just want to post it, show all the scenes I really loved writing, to show the bEAUTIFUL COVER that Dan THAT CUTE THING made me. To show how I still love writing after all these days, all these years. It's... Really what I want to do for the rest of my life. NaNoWriMo months are totally the best months of the year.
▷ 5 | I don't feel like writing today. I'm not that good myself, so I didn't wrote more than 1k words.
▷ 6 | Just don't wanna today. Tomorrow I will, though, I promise.
▷ 7 | Less than 1k...
▷ 8 | A little bit more today, but...
▷ 9 | Yeah, I know I should be writing.
▷ 10 | It's so painful to write today and I don't even know why.
▷ 11 | Not feeling like writing.
▷ 12 | For some reason, I'm getting really tired of writing and forcing myself to write. Yeah, I know, I should write more, but I'm just not in the mood anymore. I just... Want to have some fun.
▷ 13 | In the moment, reading seems much more fun to do. And it pains me not to write anymore, it's almost like I'm giving up, what I must say I don't want to do yet. It would be the worst thing I could ever do, it would make me sad, angry with myself and a lot of other things I know I don't want to feel. Seeing myself not writing makes me feel bad. Makes me wonder why, if it's a passion problem or if I'm just asking too much from me. And tomorrow...
▷ 15 | I should write. Was able to do a little something because it was screaming, begging to be put in the paper, but still... I juat wanted to write.
▷ 16 | I really should write, I just don't want to. I mean, yeah, I do feel bad about not doing it and I am trying to give it my best, but I just... I'm scared. I'm tired. I want to write but I just can't.
▷ 17 | Tired, tired, I'm so tired.
▷ 18 | The struggle is real, ugh. I wanna write hentai or something like that, just for fun, but I'm too ugh.
▷ 19 | Couldn't believe how I just got 3,003 words in like, an hour or so. It was really amazing, got really happy by it. Too bad the rest of the day weren't so great...
▷ 20 | It's kinda painful now, to be perfectly honest. I still just wanna read things (and really did so, I'm currently reading and finishing Salem's Lot and oh my god that's just sO good). I feel like if I read more, not only I will have more things in my mind, but I will be able to improve everything. I'm still writing, though.
▷ 21-22-23-24-25-26-27 | Just fuck my fucking life. Was planning on writing today, but then the light decided it would not cooperate with me, just when I was thinking it wold never happen these fucking things again... I just don't want to give a fuck about NaNoWriMo anymore. I'm so stressed.
▷ 28-29-30-31 | Fuck my life, fuck everything. Gave up on NaNo.
August
▷ 1-2-3-4-5 | I am NOT going to write.
▷ 6-7-8-9 | I still don't wanna...
▷ 10-11-12 | Well, these days I not actually wrote things, just worked on my new OC ficha on a RPG. Decided I would make another fucked up one so I can train when Satoru's moment comes up. I don't know if this new one is good, though. Júnior helped me a little, although it made me anxious and stuff, but I guess the thing is pretty decent now. I liked the OC, also.
▷ 13 | I still want to review some people and read instead of actually writing, so yeah...
▷ 14-15-16 | Really now, I'm more interest in writing things for DLP and reading than anything else. It's not like I'm not actually writing (trust me, I'm trying). The thought of putting PF in hiatus is on my mind again. Maybe I'll. Maybe doing so, I can focus in my Secret Fic and some other works. But it's still because I don't feel actually prepared for writing somehting just like PF. Well, I'll think about it.
▷ 17-18-19-20 | Haven't done much these days. Wish I could, I really do. Well, at least I found a new RPG that I think I might play, if Diamond, the RPG master, don't get tired about waiting for me. I don't know anything about the universe, so... Oh, but I did wrote something. It was for DLP~ I'm planning on writing more, so I'll see if I can make a list for it.
▷ 21-22-23-24-25-26 | Actually, I'm writing more than I thought I would. It's nice, even if a great part of it is just diary things. It's really nice, I guess. I'm also trying to write something in second person, it's easier than I thought it would. The only problem is the story I picked to write. it doesn't seem apropriate, you know?
▷ 27-28-29-30 | PF b-day is coming. Wish I could do something.
September
▷ 1-2-3-4-5 | Ruined Ayrke RPG, ruined my own writing... Sigh. I guss I'll just go back on reading Ernesto Potter and some fanfics.
▷ 25-26-27 | Well, in the meantime, I've read a little, finished HP saga and started to read a new one, so I'm... Finally thinking that I'm making some progress. It's not much, I know, but it's still a thing~
▷ 28 | Just did something in my diary, along with some tryings (?) of getting a plot for my DeLiPa, since I almost got no plot. I don't really like any of the ideas I had so far... And, well, I'm starting to get afraid of losing my skills. The only thing that keeps me okay with that is thefact that I'm still feeling like I'm making some progress in the project of getting to know things. It's okay, then~
December
▷ 31 | 2016 was a good year for writing stuff.
dec 31 2016 +