h e a l t h c a r e ——

• a family doctor i was assigned saw me one time and essentially said i needed to find a different family doctor because my mental health history was too bad for her to handle, despite that i wasn't asking her for mental health related care
• after my third attempt when i was forced into inpatient, the psychiatrist in charge of evaluating me prescribed me lithium then approved my release, when lithium is extremely easy to overdose on and a thousand times easier to kill myself with than the basic antidepressant i'd used to try to overdose with in the first place
• when i called back the rheumatologist to discuss the results for my lupus test the receptionist told me i tested negative and there was nothing wrong with me and whatever was wrong with me was not their problem and i needed to take it up with my family doctor
• when i saw a psychiatrist for the first time in forever for a re-evaluation and i said that i'm a cocsa victim, he asked me for explicit details of what exactly happened
• when my application for disability was rejected my rejection letter said, and i quote, "we have determined that your condition is not severe enough to be considered disabling. you said you are unable to work because of major depressive disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, and ptsd. we have reviewed the above medical record carefully, and we realize that you are concerned about your health. we also realize that you may not feel that you are capable of working. however, our review of your medical records reveals no severe limitations resulting from your condition that would limit your ability to work. therefore, your claim for disability is denied. if your condition gets worse or keeps you from working, call or visit any social security office about filing another application."

r e l a t i o n s h i p s ——

• after i came back to my hometown after my first attempt, my gbf from high school offered to take me out to lunch so we could catch up and when i tried to confide in him about severely bad my mental health he passive aggressively agreed with me then told me how selfish i was for attempting
• during the fallout with one of my exes who i tried very hard to end things amicably with, among many other things they called me, they called me a waste of potential as an artist
• how much i got complemented about my "improved" appearance when i was severely eating disordered
• my friend's fiancé encouraging me to sexually assault her while she was asleep because she'd "like it"
• my friend's fiancé sexually harassing me and pretending not to remember doing it the next day
• my roommate at the time got mad at me for admitting myself into a mental hospital to try and get help after my first attempt because they would have to feed my cat while i was gone
• someone i believed to still be my friend after we'd broken up had the opportunity to come visit me when i was in the mental hospital after my first attempt but said she wouldn't come after all because she didn't feel like driving
• spending time with 2 of my partners and they started to get it on with no warning and pressured me to join without ever once asking me if i wanted to or if i was okay with it and when i confronted them after that i had been extremely uncomfortable they both barely apologized and were like "oh my bad, we'll ask first next time" (there was not a next time)
• when i confronted one of my exes (while we were still dating at the time) that its manipulative and increasingly abusive behavior was hurting me and i didn't know how i was supposed to feel about things, it told me that it didn't know what to tell me because everyone else it had been partners with just ignored the abusive behavior
• when i confronted one of my exes (while we were still dating at the time) that their increasing distance from me and the perceived favouritism they had for their other partners i felt was hurting me, they told me that they would "probably come back around to me again eventually"
• when i was in the inpatient facility for my first attempt, i'd asked my roommate to try and talk to our landlord to see if there was any possible negotiation we could make to end our lease early because i was obviously too unstable to sustain a job on account of how i attempted suicide and they made the executive decision to end our lease and force me to owe them $700 for my half of the closing deal without consulting me first or asking me if i would agree to it whatsoever

t r a n s p h o b i a ——

• i used to talk to this girl i met on tumblr over the phone and her boyfriend heard me speaking and said i didn't "sound" like a guy so she immediately outed me as trans without my permission
• my coworkers at pb screaming my deadname across the kitchen to ask me things despite all of them knowing my chosen name and using it sometimes and it was literally on my nametag
• one of my exes telling me she was keeping our relationship a secret because she didn't want her coworkers thinking she was dating a cisman and didn't want to out me as trans because i wasn't okay with it so the only solution was for people to not know we were dating at all
• ten billion customers at pb telling me that my chosen name was "so pretty for a girl", "so interesting/unique because they'd never heard that name used for a girl", "strange name for a girl"