ever struggle with maladaptive fantasies of knocking someone's lights out or yeeting them into a volcano when they're being an asshole or an idiot or there's some big injustice happening, but you know holding onto intense negative emotions is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die, so you need to find a less toxic way to process your frustration? consider these petty revenge fantasies instead, which focus on simply deeply inconveniencing or annoying someone rather than harming them or putting them in danger (allergy/dietary restrictions and accessibility device requirements excepted)

♠ updated as my spouse & i think of more

• adding an extra hole to their salt shaker so it also has 3 holes like the pepper shaker and comes out really quickly
• changing all the labels on their spice jars
• changing the time on their microwave/oven/analog clocks so they're all wrong and don't even match one another
• covering all their doorknobs or drawer/cabinet handles with butter or syrup
• covering their floor in upward-facing legos in the night
• draining all the battery on all their wireless electronics
• hiding their earbuds in completely different places
• hiding their keys
• hiding their oven mitts
• installing a bunch of useless apps on their phone
• logging out of all of their websites
• loosening their lightbulbs
• mixing different cereals together in their bags/containers or mixing rice in with them, or mixing their m&ms and skittles
• pouring a bag of rice or cereal all into their car (in non-dangerous locations like the seats or trunk)
• pouring rice or cereal all over their floors in the night, or slathering non-essential sections of floor in butter or syrup
• pouring some water into their shoes so the sole is wet when they go to put their foot in
• rearranging all their books/dvds/cds, or turning them upside-down/backwards
• rearranging everything in their fridge/cabinets/closet/dressers so everything is in the wrong place
• rearranging their cutlery or utensil drawers/containers
• refold their pairs of socks so they don't match one another
• renaming all of the contacts in their phone
• renaming all their spotify playlists
• reprogramming any electronics that allow for that kind of customization (e.g. remotes)
• stealing their plunger or remote controls
• switching all their cds/dvds so they're in the wrong cases
• switching the lids on their jars
• switching their laundry detergent with dish soap
• switching their shampoo or conditioner with mayo
• switching their shampoo/conditioner/body wash with one another
• switching their sugar and salt
• taking all of their photos out of the frames
• taking the batteries out of all applicable electronics
• turning all of the items in the fridge facing the back so only the back labels are visible
• turning all of their clothes inside out and refolding them and putting them back so they have to unfold them and turn them the right way and refold them themselves
• turning all the picture frames on their walls upside down or backwards
• turning off all their cordless appliances/electronics
• turning their rugs face down
• tying their shoes together but all with different shoes so they're both tied together and mismatched
• unplugging all of their appliances (minus things like the fridge)