• (at a dollar store)
  • child: mommy i love this
    • mommyyy i looove this
    • mommy
    • mommy
    • mommy i rrrreeeeaaally love this
    • DADDY
  • father (amused): yes sweetie we know. you love everything, alexis. daddy likes a lot of things too
• (at a restaurant)
  • young guy A: is this the entire order (of chicken wings)??
  • young guy B: YES you fat bitch
    • (this was specifically funny because the first guy and the second guy were about the same size physically, neither of them fat in the slightest, and how unnecessarily hostile the second guy's reaction was to such a benign question was really absurd)
• brazil isn't a continent
• canada is mostly trees. shut up.
• i can't make decisions, bro
• is belgium in germany?
• my brain? you think this thing works?
• (on the bus)
  • teenage boy A: you're like, you're dumb, like you're not a genius, you think too highly of yourself
  • teenage boy B: i mean im smart but im also not smart like im good at math but do i know what's going on? no

this was overheard on the bus a few years ago and one of the most bizarre and hilarious experiences of my life so i have to share in paragraph form:

• spouse and i get on the bus and this young adult guy is on his phone talking to what i assume is one of his friends and he's going really in depth into economic/math/science type of content but is also saying "bro" every third sentence so the clash between Entrepreneur vernacular and Brospeak was bewildering and hilarious to begin with, but because we're next to him on the bus, we're only hearing his side of the conversation, therefore we could only vaguely guess what his friends responses were, making this already amazing experience even funnier
• so he starts talking about changes in the economic market wrt consumerism and probability, how free will is a factor in determining how the market will change, but there are tools one can use to measure probability of the movement of the market the same way we try to predict the weather
• so he's giving all these examples of things called "indicators" which are the variables in an equation that factor into the result, used in probability economics, and he's explaining to his friend like
• ok bro if a tectonic plate shifts and it causes an earthquake, what happens?
  • (friend's unknown response)
  • NO DUDE a tsunami! (laughs) a tsunami, ok so--
• ok, if you throw a rock at window, what happens?
  • (friend's unknown response)
  • right so, the indicators would be like, how thick the glass is, how heavy the rock is, the speed the rock is moving--
• so on and so forth he kept talking in that way, his script format for talking about this subject was amazingly consistent, every single time he would phrase it like okay so (this) happens, right? ... and then (variable event) ... ok so (result), right? over and over and it was so good, i felt such a spiritual resonance listening to this perfectly distilled entity of autism talk
• and my favourite part:
• ok bro so I have object x, just object x, and i throw it into a lake, what happens?
  • (friend's unknown response)
  • (VERY ACCUSATORY TONE) DUDE, YOU DONT KNOW!! (gets very verbally passionate) bro what if its a helium balloon and it starts floating away!!!!! what if its a bird and starts flying!!!!!!!! YOU DONT KNOW! IT'S OBJECT x!!!!!!1 IT COULD BE ANYTHING!!!
• then proceeded to rant to his friend about how illogical his response was for several minutes, scarcely taking a breath; i can only assume his friend must have replied something like "the water ripples" but he absolutely would not let it go in the funniest way, he must have said DUDE, YOU DON'T KNOW and BRO, YOU DON'T KNOW at least 5 times each in between explaining the intricacy of object x in the context of his area of study, it was really incredible to witness
• unfortunately then it was our turn to get off the bus so we never found out if his friend survived the roast he got over answering a probability question incorrectly but the guy was talking about a professor of his at some point during the conversation so i feel very secure he's well on his way to being something great with how enormously dedicated he is to the subject
• how extremely accusatory his tone was with his friend over whatever his friend's response was will stay with me until i die, it was so funny and it just felt like looking through a window into my own autistic soul and to this day i just feel like wow i really hope that STEM dudebro is out there winning economics