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• the violinists ask the kids if they want to bring their artwork up and they will improvise a piece inspired by the art. one girl brings up a canvas with two very distinct halves, and says she has painted two universes. one is the sun universe and one is the moon universe, and they are reaching towards each other
• they improvise what i can only describe as the perfect mirror to that beautiful sentiment. it is fully improvised; no one records it; i will never hear it again. it is the single most beautiful piece of music i've ever heard

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• i used to be obsessed with recording and preserving my life, but i was always frustrated with those records because capturing a static image never captured the moment i thought was worth capturing. i grew incredibly disillusioned with the "a picture is worth a thousand words" maxim. i found it worth vanishingly fewer, especially as my cameras gave way to my phone. a gallery full of bad photos of things i didn't care about, all automatically "improved" (blurred, filtered, AI-altered, made wholly unfamiliar and strange) no matter how often i turned off "optimization" features in my settings. was this the record i was afraid of losing? every moment of my life is preserved automatically, without my consent, and instead of looking at the record to reminisce, i only look at it to declutter.

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• i learned an unexpected amount about bossanova

______________ 05.26 ______________

• danielle and i sniff every candle in the shop. MISTAKE. PHLEGM

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• tacos and star trek for jess's birthday, which is like a birthday gift to me too

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• claire and i try to track down an ATM and end up in a small-town convenience store that has an ATM, a post office, potato chip flavors i've only ever seen in england, penny candy, cashmere scarves, and a guy in the back making vats of macaroni salad

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• ran into chad at the metal show, stood in the back because we're too old for this shit, as evidenced by both of us needing medical attention after getting caught in mosh pits at two separate cancer bats shows. trying not to headbang because i'm getting massage therapy for my bad neck but then actually something loosened up as i moved to the music and i could turn my head all the way to both sides for the first time in years

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• did some origami (i am very bad at it)

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• tfw the work is so important and meaningful but also there's a free buffet lunch so you are 80% focused on changing the world and 20% focused on fried chicken

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• imminent migraine while i am stuck at work so i try to figure out a way around keeping the fluorescent lights on. i triumphantly hunt down the booklight but discover it's USB only and there's no wall charger. then i remember an old desk lamp kicking around somewhere. i grab it, plug it in, triumphantly switch it on... no light bulb. eventually i dig out the halloween decorations and do my work in the gentle glow of a half dozen LED tea lights and a string of purple spider fairy lights

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• just as i start to stretch my arms up, steve accidentally steps on a squeaky dog toy on the floor and we find it so funny he keeps his foot on it all night, and just when i have started to forget about it, i start to stretch or reach for something and SQUEAK

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• quit my job

______________ 06.26 ______________

• still struggling with shutting off work mode even though i am no longer working. what if no one checks the emails? it will not affect me in any way if the emails are not checked. and yet

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• food court soup has no business being so much like your grandmother's recipe that you find yourself tearing up in the middle of the mall over a bowl of chicken noodle

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• mom gets a greek mythology card deck with stunning illustrations; i look through and catch myself about to comment on which of the goddesses i think is most beautiful. i learned zero lessons from mythology. nearly started the trojan war all over again

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• been having a lot of food moments that bring me to near tears these last few weeks. starting to think the common denominator is not the food but my mental state. anyway, empanadas though

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• one of those days full of so many mishaps that it starts to feel really funny and you don't even really mind when the next mishap happens. today i was the mr. bean of the avalon mall cineplex arcade

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• weird but largely beautiful night at the jag. so weirdly energized afterwards i got the bus halfway home and then walked the last 4km listening to slowdive to calm myself down but it didn't quite work and i was just lying in bed buzzing from all the live music energy + tension from the earlier part of the night