• May arbitrarily drop off the face of the earth for months at a time, and come strolling back into your life months later with no apologies. Recommended precaution: close the door, keep it shut. Alternative approach: accept this, don't take it personally, gradually force out of shell.
• Two months of not talking may feel like two seconds to her because she was thinking about you while away. Remind her that having imaginary conversations with people or quietly confirming their happiness through others is not the same thing as actually being there for them.
• Highly prone to bouts of brooding self-absorption. Approach at your own peril, keep eye-rolling to a minimum.
• Highly defensive about personal space and has no interest in being owned. Possessiveness may result in injury.
• Due to a probable combination of AvPD and social phobia, may love you to death but completely avoid talking to you because communication is a momentarily horrifying prospect. This terror may last months, even years, and has absolutely nothing to do with you but everything to do with screwy neurology. At her absolute worst, will not check facebook or email, will leave phone plugged into wall charger and ignore it for days. Solution: show up at door one day and abduct. Terror will turn into Stockholm Syndrome and gradually ease back into healthy, fearless affection.
• May never give you a clear answer to any question relating to 'feelings' (not out of mistrust, but genuine doubt that her silly feelings are worth hearing about) but will often accidentally talk you into spilling everything. (On the bright side, is not developing a secret database of nefarious personal secrets. Genuinely just wants to help and enjoys hearing you talk.)
• Despite horrible detachment tendencies, questionable social skills, and a chronic inability to maintain stable contact, has many friends and is quite clueless about how to distribute attention properly. Consequently, may engage one person in soul-baring conversation out of worry for their well-being while boring/ignoring the daylights out of you.
• Will never-in-a-million-years have any idea that you need or want her around unless you say as much, in very clear terms. May smile ambiguously and ponder the weather while completely missing your 2500 signals.
• Will become irretrievably shy if you don't talk to her for a while. Will forget how to talk to you, avoid eye contact, and bear the overall appearance of a child on the first day of preschool. To break the ice, crack a funny joke or refer back to old times. Will warm up soon enough.
• Do not accuse of being frail or defenseless. Will respond by throwing something heavy at you.
• For best results, hug often and laugh at all her jokes- even the incredibly dry/stupid ones.

Why you should still be her friend, even when she's infuriating as heck:

• Gives really good hugs. Is not a shabby masseuse, either.
• Can probably think of a hundred things to absolutely love about you and will mean every word of it.
• Laughs at and/or agrees with everything, (because in a way, everything's funny and everyone's right) so will sincerely appreciate your illogical statements, bad grammar, and cheesy jokes without holding them against you.
• Generally a pretty bad liar (with minor exceptions). As an absolute last resort, may tell a watered-down, apologetic version of the truth to spare your feelings rather than tell an outright lie.
• Can be trusted with all your deep dark secrets, because they will probably be forgotten in three microseconds anyway. The downside: next time you want to discuss said secret, you may have to spend about an hour reminding her what you're talking about.
• Loyal- will get angry on your behalf, will have trouble being nice to people who wrong you and may eventually smack them, will go to great lengths to defend you or justify your behavior, etc.
• As long as you're on her good side: will never judge you or think of you as a bad person, no matter what. You'd basically have to perpetrate mass genocide to make her stop wanting to understand where you're coming from.
• Will love you, stay awake at night worrying about whether you're okay, and will happily stay up for hours hearing your problems. Will make you the center of her universe and concentrate all attention on you if you need her, and will probably think of you as a cherished best friend long after you've forgotten her last name. Of course, you'll probably have no idea because she won't tell you any of this.
• Because detachment is her middle name, will never be clingy or jealous.
• Makes excellent, life-changing lasagna.

x rubab