Things Doug and I did today:

• Went into several op-shops and saw lots of amazing furniture neither of us can ever afford.
• Drove to Charlestown.
• Had small fights in the aisles of Sam’s Warehouse.
• Went to Bunnings and took about 60 paint charts (the paint lady called Doug “cute”).
• Looked in the army disposal shop and considered defacing a large poster of Scott Cam.
• Went to a porn shop (I’d never been to one and it was totally appalling, as I imagined. As soon as we stepped into the door the store owner aggressively took out ID’s and then went to the counter and held up one by one to the security camera, apparently because the police check his tapes, but Doug and I are sure we’re going to end up getting awful things mailed to us).

Horrible product names from the porn shop:

• Crab Claw
• Deep Destiny
• Muffin Mucker
• Squeezer Teaser
• Dick With A Vengeance
• Pump A Dongs

Things purchased today:

• 2 x white cups reading “BARRY” and “MARGARET” in big red letters. I said C should drink out of the Margaret one and I’ll be Barry. I can’t wait until I am old and can get personalised name cups.
• One purple watch (thanks Doug).
• Silver and black envelopes (thanks Doug).
• The best vest in the whole world for $5. I am going to wear this thing like every day (pictured).
• Fish and cat stickers and a huge piece or purple cardboard.
• Banana smoothie w/ Energy Booster from Boost Juice. Wasn’t awesome, but she gave me a large for the price of a medium so I win.

Doug bought:

• 400pk ear buds from the op-shop in Charlestown (unused).
• Drug lord sunglasses from a stall in the mall.