september.

• seeing a huge hawk in our garden, hunting sparrows. one of the most beautiful things i have ever seen. he came out of nowhere, like a bolt of lightning, landed on my apple tree, and was gone again. the way the sparrows immediately stopped singing and hid in the hedges was eerie.
• seeing a baby hedgehog on my night walk. he crossed the street and at first i thought it was a rat. when i came closer i realized it was a hedgehog, a tiny one. he wasn't scared at all, taking a walk on the road and through the grass.
• dragonflies in the garden.
• watching a pair of crows. being fascinated by the way they communicate; it's like they were talking to each other.
• dani sending me flowers for my birthday - beautiful yellow lilies and orange dahlias. i didn't expect it at all!
• a huge magpie flying around. screaming like a freaking maniac.
• moody morning walks in Krün. hearing weird noises coming out of the woods. so much fog. i couldn't even see the lake.
• spending too much time on twitter. i feel like the people who understand me the most are the ones who don't even know me in person. my friends always disappoint me and i really tried to lower my expectations but they still manage to disappoint me. i just want to have a real sisterhood. a "tribe". to meet like minded, intelligent, curious, nature loving, spontaneous, creative people. i want to find people who want to go on crazy(ish) adventures - hitchhiking, wildcamping, low budget travelling, being in nature, having bonfires, cycling through a whole country, whatever! it was so much easier when i was a kid and i'm scared i'll never find true friends again. i think about it a lot.
• walking around Wallgau. that painting on the church wall, a skeleton with a scythe.
• a horrible phase of depression, one of the worst. i just want too much. it's all…not enough. my head is TOO full with inspiration, with wants. i don't want to want things anymore, it hurts too much. mum taking care of me (opening the windows, bringing me vegan cookies, giving me a hug).
• squirrel livestreams on YouTube.
• meeting h. we honestly don't get along that well, we have very different personalities and are on very different levels. however, it was kinda nice to go outside, take the train, talk about random things.
• another night walk. meeting Pünktchen at the cemetery. then suddenly it started raining like crazy and i had to run the way home but honestly - it gave me so much joy, i love the rain.
• sometimes i like to get lost on google maps. i "go" to random places, check out cafes and restaurants, pretend i'm really there. i guess it's manifestation practice. however, a few days ago i "got lost" in lebanon - i was looking at campsites because i'm ALWAYS interested in the campsites and somehow found a vegan bistro in the lebanese mountains. i didn't even look for vegan places, i clicked on it accidentally. well, and now i just…really wanna go there. and to beirut!
• sitting outside, the sun already setting, my neighbour singing arias, hearing birds flying above the clouds (can smaller birds even fly above the clouds?) - hearing the sound of wings and some other sound, weird bird noises i have never heard before, almost fairy like. very strange.
• finding out the moon has alps (montes alpes). being obsessed with the mountains of the moon again.
• finally finding the vegan spinach piccolini at kaufland.
• james lloyd cole. definitely one of my fav photographers at the moment.
• anticipating netflix' 1899. idk why but i feel like it's gonna be a masterpiece. after seeing some of isabella, maria and bo's stories my expectations are really high. / this set video. / i already started a journal for all my theories and i already have A TON of them.
• reading dante's inferno while listening to wardruna. (i feel like listening to a certain kind of music - wardruna, heilung, eluveitie - creates such a different reading experience, i love it.) my favourite parts of the story so far: charon bringing souls across the river acheron, the suicide forest, and dante and virgil in malebolge.
• music of the moment: the national - green gloves, mogli - earth rey&kjavik version, eluveitie - the silver sister, wardruna - odal, labrinth - formula, eluveitie - bloodstained ground, wardruna - hagall, sigur rós - stendur æva.
• sitting in the garden, eating vegan sushi and edamame in soy sauce.
• dreaming of beautiful places - yazd, nachisan, lofoten. printing out pics to put them in my dream journal became a routine - the more visual, the better, and it helps a lot with remembering my dreams. i realized my dreams are usually very colourful and beautiful. i haven't had a nightmare since i started writing down my dreams.
• anja visiting me. walking to the lake, having an amazing conversation. she's very inspiring, has such a positive aura and i'm glad to have her in my life. making dinner at home. lots of laughs.
• fahrt in die berge, rosa bergspitzen um 7 uhr morgens, photographing and hiking around riessersee (wasn't too happy with the light though - i need to come back again). a cute place, especially in the morning. seeing a very beautiful least weasel (mustela nivalis).
• watching the ted lasso christmas episode. such a comfort show! and richmond is beautiful.
• a roadtrip to austria. spending the day hiking at the plansee. wearing my fav workout clothes i feel so confident in. eating fries right at the lake. seeing baby frogs in the woods. listening to the national in the car ("quiet light" is my fav at the moment).
• this workout. feeling ridiculous as hell but it was so worth it. em is my fav fitness person, like EVER!
• making yaki udon. definitely not perfect and i improvised but it turned out way better than the first time. I was very pleased.
• finding a dead toad in our neighbourhood. I didn't know what it was at first because it was FCKING HUGE. At first I thought it was a lizard or something. I googled it - apparently it was a natterjack toad, and it kinda reminded me of the freaking jason funderburker frog from over the garden wall. i pitied it and the image of it lying dead on the street just won't leave my head. It made me incredibly sad.
• Marsha Jean, my new inspiration. She ran away from her abusive home & started travelling the world with a super low budget.
• "walking" through London and Oxford. (which btw always reminds me of His Dark Materials). In my head I always travel to these places, get up before sunrise, take strolls, take photos, sit down to write poetry or have a coffee. I miss it. I miss England. I miss UK rooftops and pretty streets and English rain. There's so much to see, and I want to see it all. It's nice to know that there'll always be new places to discover even though I'll never see them all. Reassuring, somehow.