i'm so sorry. i dont know. arg. i'm so stupid. i should say i'm the worst friend ever. no no like worst. i just.... i can't. i feel like everything is starting to destroy me pieces by pieces and i just keep up and destroy myself. i don't know. it's too much. i'm too much. i'm so so so sick rn. you never desrved this. you never deserved me. i hate the fact that i can't take my shit together and shut the fuck up about me. i hate the fact that you literaly suffer from me, suffer from life, suffer from everything. and here i am, doing absolutely nothing to change that. god i hate myself so much i cant i cant i cant i just want to end it all im so fat im so useless my father dont even care about me why would you ? why would you fucking ask if im okay. why didnt you sit next to me. why dont you just ask why im going away. why dont you just ask why i didnt want to eat that fucking sandwich because i cant fuking eat it. im so so fat. i want to tear up myself raw everythime i see my fucking dumb face i hate hate hate hate myself. why dont you text me. ask if im okay. im waiting hours just to see if you would fucking care about but you fucking dont and that makes me so much worse and i just hate myself because im just guilting you and thats not fair. im not fair im so stupid i want attention i lie i lie so so much and i hate it. i feel like nobody fucking cares about me. i have no friends. i feel like you and ange and pauline just gave up me. you gave up on me just like my father did like my family did like everyone i trust did. WHY DOES EVERYBODY LEAVE ME I HATE IT IM SO FUCKING ALONE WHY DOES NOBODY FUCKING CARES. i hate this me. im sorry. im sorry for doing this to you. im sorry for being like this, this miserable persson god i swear i do everything i cant to not cut myself again i cant even touch a scissor i cry cry cry so much im like 4 years back. why were you friends with me in the first place. i just read all your notes on archive and i just feel pathetic. trying to get a piece of you because i know you left. i read it. you were so sad. i did nothing. i did fucking nothing. i didnt even saw. i saw a little. but you seem to be alright now, right ? idk. i cant know. because im scared youre not my best friend anymore and that you hate me as much as everybody does. im not asking you anything god no. you probably wont even read this. i hope you never do because i said horrible things and you dont deserve me fucking whining over it because im the one who was rude and left you. i always leave. im just sad i wasnt enought for you to fight. for everyone to fight. i feel like nobody loves me enought to fight for me. im so exausted. i cry all the time. i cant eat. i cant breathe. i have like five panic attack a day. i cant do this. but you cant too. so im goign to do nothing about it and continue to be this ghost, because you already have enought to suffer without me. im so sorry hel. im so sorry for not being the friend you wanted when you needed it. im sorry for not being there when you cried. im sorry for being the one who leaves. god im crying so much rn. im slowly reazing that no one loves me. i lied, nobody hates me. they just dont care. i want to be notced so bad. but nobody does. im so so so alone. i fail everything. i failed you. i just read the notes you send me and everything and i watch the video the pictures rethink of our conversations and god im so pathettic its only been what a week ??? idk. im at a point where i just dont want to be better anymore. i cant. im so sorry. please never read this. please remember that ill always love and that i wish you find happiness in your heart. none of this is your fault. im sorry. please.