every day i notice patterns. and then i go to bed.

• vienna, billy joel — you can't be everything you want to be before your time, although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
  • borderline, tame impala — we're on the borderline, caught between the tides of pain and rapture
• marie-helene bertino — then i must love you because i mention you all the time.
  • summer, keshi — i don't wanna talk about anybody else
• strangers, ethel cain — i just wanted to be yours, can i be yours? can i be yours? just tell me i'm yours
  • i bet on losing dogs, mitski — my baby, my baby, you're my baby, say it to me
• strangers, ethel cain — if i'm turning in your stomach and i'm making you feel sick, am i making you feel sick? am i making you feel sick?
  • take me to church, hozier — i was born sick, but i love it.
  • touch me i'm sick, mudhoney — well i won't live long, and i'm full of rot, touch me, i'm sick
  • i'm so sick, flyleaf — i'm so sick, infected with where i live, let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness, i'm so sick
  • lotion, deftones — i feel sick, i feel sick
• she is the sunlight, trading yesterday — and if holding her means that i have to bleed, then i am the martyr, love is to blame
  • hello kitty kat, the smashing pumpkins — she wants to bleed every drop inside of me
  • yellow, coldplay — you know, for you i'd bleed myself dry
  • the scars you love, iian thomas — there are a million ways to bleed, but you are by far my favorite.
• million dollar man, lana del rey — how did you get that way? i don't know
  • stone, born without bones — you're cold like a stone, how did you get that way? how did you get that way?
• say yes, elliott smith — i'm damaged bad at best
  • i'm like a lawyer..., fall out boy — bulletproof loneliness at best
  • oh klahoma, jack stauber — it's negative attention at best
• emergency management, camille rankine — some days i want to spit me out, the whole mess of me, but mostly i am good / and quiet.
  • sulk, radiohead — each time it comes, it eats me alive. i try to behave, but it eats me alive
• francis forever, mitski — i don't know what to do without you, i don't know where to put my hands
  • unfinished duet, richard siken — he doesn't know what to do with his hands. he likes the feel of the coffeepot. / more than the hacksaw?
  • seaside improvisation, richard siken — i take my hands and give them to you but you don't want them, so i take them back, and put them on the wrong way, the wrong wrists.
• salvation, keaton st james — in the right heaven-yellow light, anything could be holy enough to save you.
  • i had a dream about you, richard siken — oh, the things we invent / when we are scared and want to be rescued.
• sunstone, octavio paz — i've been falling endlessly since birth, i fall in myself without touching bottom
  • moon song, phoebe bridgers — you pushed me in, now my feet can't touch the bottom of you
• midsummer night's dream, shakespeare — i’ll follow thee and make a heaven of hell, to die upon the hand i love so well.
  • metamorphoses, ovid — for if doomed by fires consuming i to perish must, let me now die in thy celestial flames.
• the first toast, the lighthouse (from parting sailor's hymn) — should pale death with treble dread / make the ocean caves our bed / god who hear'st the surges roll / deign to save the suppliant soul.
  • the last toast, anna akhmatova — i drink to our demolished house, to all this wickedness, to you, our loneliness together / i raise my glass - and to the dead-cold eyes, the lie that has betrayed us / the coarse brutal world, the fact that god has not saved us.
• beach life-in-death, car seat headrest — we said we hated humans, we wanted to be human
  • like real people do, hozier — honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips / we should just kiss like real people do
• foreword to the odyssey, emily wilson — to be "doglike" does not usually connote this kind of malice or cruelty (which is why "bitch" would be a misleading translation). instead, it suggests an insistent drive, to be fed or satisfied or noticed, which is impatient and oblivious to social cues...
  • winslow, the lighthouse — please, please, let me into the light, old man, and i'll show you what i can do for. another chance. let me show you. i can, i can do better, don't make me beg, i will, i'll beg if that's what you want, please --
  • wake, the lighthouse — the truth is, you're a nothin', tommy. nothing but a dog what thinks he's a master, you're a dog, thomas, a filthy dog!
• montgomery forever, the front bottoms — 'cause we used to live here, and now they're blowing it up
  • this was a home once, bad suns — this was a home once, now the ceiling is falling, i feel the rain
• everybody here wants you, jeff buckley — love can rise, just like embers & love can taste like the wine of the ages
  • cherry wine, hozier — but she burns like rum on a fire & the blood is rare and sweet like cherry wine
• notes from the underground, fyodor dostoevsky — man is sometimes extraordinarily, passionately, in love with suffering.
  • tonight i'm someone else, chelsea hodson — suffering feels religious if you do it right.
  • sonja, love and death — one suffers to love, one loves to suffer.
• introvert, brakence — now it's pure dissociation, maybe i'm already dead
  • disasterpiece, slipknot — i feel like i'm erased, so kill me just in case
• crush, ethel cain — i owe you a black eye and two kisses, tell me when you wanna come and get em. he looks like works with his hands and smells like marlboro reds. maybe i'll just be crazy and piss him off til he hates me.
  • never fight a man with a perm, idles — he hates me, i like that. two arms like big baseball bats, i bark, he bites back, a jaw like a fuck-off bear trap. i said i've got a penchant for smokes and kicking douches in the mouth. sadly for you, my last cigarette's gone out.
• sun bleached flies, ethel cain — god loves you, but not enough to save you
  • lye scene, fight club — our fathers were our models for god. if our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about god?
• the gun song, car seat headrest — all i know is one of us was supposed to kill the other, isn't that what they mean when they say "lovers?"
  • opening scene, fight club — that old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, it works both ways.
• work song, hozier — my baby never fret none / about what my hands and my body done
  • euripides, herakles — give me your hand.
  • i fear to stain your clothes with blood.
  • stain them, i don't care.
• everybody here wants you, jeff buckley — and our eyes locked in downcast love, i sit here proud / even now, you're undressed in your dreams with me
  • talk, hozier — i won't deny i've got in my mind now, all the things we'd do / so i'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how i'm imaginin' you
• smooth, santana — and it's just like the ocean under the moon, it's the same as the emotion as i get from you
  • opened once, jeff buckley — just like the ocean, always in love with the moon