• over-the-knee flat black boots (vintage)
• denim vest
• cognac leather belt
• gladiator sandals, midcalf or knee-high
• short A-line dresses in '60s/'70s inspired prints
• jelly sandals in fun colors
• pique crossfront romper from American Apparel in white
• two very skimpy bikinis
• tooled leather purse (Olvera Street)
• on the search for a denim romper/jumpsuit (vintage)
• American Apparel pencil skirt
• fitted leather jacket (vintage)
• Mexican leather flats
• more big gaudy rings
• vintage Pucci scarf

famous people I have made out with in dreams and the dream-locations in which these makeouts took place. please note that I have no control over my dreams and have little to no idea why I dreamt about making out with some of these people. hopefully I will have more dreams in which I make out with quasi-celebrities and I can continue to update this list...

• George Clooney (under the bleachers at a high school basketball game)
• Shooter Jennings (in a ditch on the side of a highway)
• Rob Halford (backstage at a Judas Priest concert; also, wtf?)
• Dave Attell (on a remote Scottish island with a decrepit castle)
• John Krasinski (in an alley behind a school)
• Raquel Welch (in a cave; must have been influenced by "One Million Years B.C.")

unattainable crushes I have had over the years and why they could never come to fruition...

• Jake, Australian outback rat from "The Rescuers Down Under," at age 6 (unattainable due to fact that was a cartoon rat).
• Adrian Guyn-Levick, classmate from fourth to fifth grade, age 8-10 (unattainable because he was class nerd and was therefore embarrassing to admit crush).
• Sergio Rivera, who had the same bus stop as me, as 11 (unattainable because he was as hopelessly good-looking an 11-year-old as I was hopelessly bad-looking).
• Joey, last name forgotten, friend of stepbrother, summer of '97, age 11-12 (unattainable due to him being adorable blonde surfer boy and me being extremely awkward and geeky recent Arizona transplant).
• Mr. Allen, 7th grade English teacher, age 12 (unattainable for obvious reasons, th...

• people on the phone who are under the impression that I am personally keeping them from speaking to someone, when the case is simply that that someone is not in the office
• anyone who responds to the simple, polite, and entirely-to-b-expected query "may I ask who's calling?" with "yes, you may."
• overly friendly delivery people making comments that are clearly inappropirate
• being blamed for the high cost of office supplies when I am only ordering what other people have requested
• people who don't figure out who they need to talk to BEFORE they call the office
• being asked to finish typing something or to send something out at 4:55 PM
• having to cover up my tattoos
• taking peoples' deliveries back to their desks because they're too lazy to pick th...

• thrown out of a Waffle House for fighting with another customer, outside Atlanta, Georgia.
• drunkenly caused best friend to fall off a bicycle at high speed and then laughed about it, Corolla, North Carolina.
• refused entry to a bar for being too drunk, Flagstaff, Arizona.
• got out of a taxi way too soon and ended up walking in 5" heels two miles down the Strip at 4:00 AM, Las Vegas, Nevada.
• unfairly titillated adolescent classmate for duration of 10-day trip at 15, Italy and Greece.
• skipped out on bus fare, Hamilton, Bermuda.
• set fire (quickly extinguished) to motel bedspread while smoking a joint, Seattle, Washington.
• made out with underage boy, Atlanta, Georgia.

• vintage '50s ashtray shaped like an elephant smoking a pipe.
• tan leather Zodiac boots with braid detailing around the ankles.
• Jovovich-Hawk red and green silk belted minidress.
• '70s wood plaque with sculpture of mushrooms on it.
• pair of ceramic relief plaques shaped like horse heads.
• Fulltone Mosfet overdrive pedal (my boyfriend's birthday is coming up).
• pair of paintings of girls in harlequin outfits, cradling pets.
• gold metal '60s sunburst wallhanging with birds on it.
• '70s string art picture of a majestic buck.
• vintage AC/DC "Fly On The Wall" tour t-shirt.
• gravel art picture of an eagle landing on...

• Kiss "Dressed To Kill" (already have it on vinyl but would like to have it in digital format for Ipod purposes)
• Dolly Parton "Coat Of Many Colors"
• Blanche "Little Amber Bottles"
• The Flying Burrito Brothers "Hot Burritos!"

here is a list of things I admire about myself which no one else probably even notices...

• the ability to walk anywhere and everywhere in 5" heels.
• extensive mental encyclopedia of '80s heavy metal knowledge.
• have never dieted or set foot in a gym, yet maintain a perfect size 4 (realize this is owing to insane luck in genetic lottery and will obviously deteriorate over time, but must enjoy while lasts).
• the ability to gracefully exit a car while wearing a short skirt without revealing myself to the all and sundry.
• uncanny outfit memory (can recall what someone was wearing on a specific night, sometimes even years in past).
• can single-handedly bring down a karaoke night at a white trash bar.
• unfailingly pleasant phone demeanor.

• Dane Cook
• Gwen Stefani
• Charlie Sheen
• Kat Von D
• Ryan Seacrest
• Dita Von Teese
• Jamie Foxx

• using funny voices on the phone and seeing how people react
• basically unlimited Myspace time
• I never have to think about my job when I'm not at work
• being complimented on my pleasant demeanor
• having an excuse to wear high heels every day

• Gmail
• Yahoo Mail
• Myspace
• Livejournal
• Wapsi Square
• Questionable Content
• American Elf
• Gala Darling
• LJ Secret
• Oh No They Didn't
• Black Cigarette
• Project Rungay
• The Dairi Burger

• I was more into him than he was into me.
• he was more into me than I was into him.
• he liked another girl.
• cheated on me.
• "we're better off as friends."
• dumped me while tripping on PCP.
• flirted with other girls to make me jealous.
• someone better looking asked me out.
• cheated on him.
• asked him to choose alcohol or me, and he chose.
• he was "just in it for the sex."
• he was completely insane.
• wouldn't call me back for weeks at a time.

a lot of things really cook my bacon!

• anyone over the age of 13 who hasn't yet grasped the concept of "you're" vs. "your." it freaks me out that people are allowed to graduate from high school without being able to differentiate.
• women who can't walk in high heels, yet insist on wearing high heels. wearing flats is far more attractive than stumping around like your ankles are crying out for mercy with every step.
• license plate frames and bumper stickers meant to make you feel bad about not being a Christian. extra points go to those "praying Calvin" stickers. (normally I also hate the "Calvin peeing on _______" stickers, but I would make an exception for a sticker of Calvin peeing on Calvin praying.)
• anime. the only thing worse than anime is diehard anime fans.

my boyfriend can't just have one of something when he likes it. he has to have at least two...

• motorcycles (2)
• guns (14)
• electric guitars (at least 10)
• fancy vintage old man shoes (5 pairs that all look essentially the same)
• records (thousands)

things my boyfriend did within the first two days of dating that made me fall for him immediately...

• wore a Western shirt
• got smashed drunk and drove the wrong way down a one-way street while proclaiming, "I own this town, I can drive however I want!"
• played Charles Bronson and Spazz CDs in his car
• took me to an illegal warehouse show and bought me PBRs out of a vending machine
• made a 9/11 joke
• told an elderly man in a bar that we were newlyweds
• made out with me against the wall during a Street Trash show but didn't ask to come inside when he dropped me off
• text messaged me bad knock-knock jokes
• put money in the jukebox and let me pick whatever I wanted to play

how I've met all the men I've "known" (in the biblical sense).

• at a Wesley Willis show at Koo's Cafe in Santa Ana.
• first day of high school drama class, senior year -- he did a monologue from "A Clockwork Orange" and that was it.
• at the aforementioned's band practice -- he was the bassist.
• shitfaced drunk at a friend's beach house.
• at Blockbuster Video. I worked there. he was my manager.
• he was my tattoo artist.
• at Johnny's Bar in Huntington Beach.
• on Craigslist. (still going strong.)

• "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" by AC/DC.
• "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper.
• "Fist City" by Loretta Lynn.
• "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses.
• "Jesse's Girl" by Rick Springfield.
• "Don't Stop Me Now" by Queen (rarely available).
• "Talk Dirty To Me" by Poison.
• "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar.
• "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey.
• "Youth Gone Wild" by Skid Row (rarely available).
• "I Touch Myself" by the DiVinyls.