inspired by Michelle and Kate! You guys are so inspiring. Thank you!

January.

• Maria durch ein Dornwald ging ♥
• looking for another flatmate and meeting lots of nice and super weird people and having quite a lot of fun.
• Choosing our new flatmate.
• Epicas music, especially Solitary Ground.
• having a nice afternoon/evening with my baes: eating cake & "celebrating" Fs birthday; E, N and me watching our naked neighbours ("Are they cooking sperm?" - "Are they making jam?" - "Why are her breasts so big?" - "I can't see his penis!" - "WHAT ARE THEY DOING!?"), making yummy lasagna and watching some tv. I love these guys so much.
• Going out with N and E(+ M :P) & McDonald's afterwards. Random guys buying me cocktails. Coming home at 5 o'clock. ♥ ("Die zwei wollen, dass ich mit dir rum mache." - "HIER?" - "..asdjaikdad.." "Ich glaube, der spricht nur Spanisch.")
• listening to Neofolk & reading Love and Misadventure.
• Halseys music, especially Colors.
• Mandalo :D
• Cooking vegan food & playing Activity with E, J, N & F (and Jasmin visiting me! What a surprise. ♥)
• Getting a huge amazon order (10 books!)
• First real snow in 10 months! (15.01.2016)
• "Möge die Macht mit dir sein!" - "...und mit deinem Geiste." :D
• Watching German Trash TV with my WG (Dschungelcamp, GZSZ ♥, Bachelor, Germany's Next Topmodel.)
• Long walks in the snow.
• Seeing our neigbours naked again.
• AGENT CARTER COMING BACK! One of my absolute favourite shows, ohmygod the feels. I just love it so so so so so much and I think Dottie Underwood might be my favourite character in the entire universe.
• This live version of Halseys "New Americana".
• Discovering Janina Uhse's youtube channel. I'm so gay for this woman, oh man.
• Internet ist so geil, Internet ist mein Style :D
• Being productive, starting another workout & lifestyle "routine", preparing & researching for my novel.
• Reading how Becky Chambers wrote her book, A Long Way to a Small Angry Planet. x x
• Still thinking about RingCon. Best time of my life.
• Making apple-cinnamon muffins with N.

February.

• Driving back home.
• Epica and Simone Simons beautiful beautiful voice, ohmygod. I'm such a fangirl. The piano version of Feint makes me feel so happy and sad at the same time.
• Rediscovering metal music and realizing how much I've missed it.
• Coldmirrors Harry Podcast. Makes me so happy happy happy.
• Planning Vienna with my mum.
• Did some amazing fitness workouts this week!
• Visiting my hometown, eating yummy panini and having a wonderful sunny afternoon.
• Hans im Glück with my mum <3 (and the beautiful waitress who reminded me of Rosamund Pike)
• The Tallest Man on Earth concert (+ The Tarantula Waltz, such a talented guy!), hearing one of my absolute favourite songs ("Love is all") live and just having a really great time.
• Re-discovering Ben Howards beautiful music.
• Writing with Dominik.
• Getting a pizza for free.
• Walking along the Isar.
• Cuddling with my dog Rico. I missed him so much.
• Epica. Especially the "Phantom Agony" album. Geeez, I feel like I'm in love, there are butterflies everywhere. Maybe the mixture between their wonderful, sometimes sad songs (Feint and Run for a Fall!) and my crush on ~ that one guy give me all these weird but beautiful feelings. Also, the Retrospect Live Album by Epica is so beautiful. Metal doesn't always have to be brutal and chaotic. There's so much depth in their music.
• Going into the woods. Observing hares and squirrels. The fresh air that smells like snow and pine cones and peace. The silence.
• Dreaming about ~ that one guy. Almost every week since August 2015, basically. Sigh.
• Instagram. I've always been kinda obsessed but now it's just getting out of control. ajdjhaskdajdk.

March

• Erinnerungen an DIE EINE Bonn-Nacht. :')
• Planning roadtrips with tripline. This map really inspired me.
• Thinking about ~ that one guy. And finally feeling happy(ish) again, even though we're not together. I can't put these feelings into words. I can't wait to meet him again.
• Our new flatmate moving in!
• Shorter hair don't care.
• Coming home!
• Woman couldn't decide which dog to save so she bought the shelter. - thank you for the link, Michelle! This made me so happy!
• S's birthday dinner where I met lots of new interesting and nice people and had a huge pizza.
• Alte Pinakothek with C.
• Observing people on the train and writing cute little essays about each of them.
• Seeing spring flowers bloom.
• Feeding my ever growing Supernatural obsession.
• This video of Sam Heughan and Caitriona Balfe basically made my whole week. Maybe even my whole month.
• Laughing so hard. GERMAN TRASH IS THE BEST THING ON EARTH.
• Sitting on the balcony, with sunshine on my cheeks and wind in my hair. Drinking a cup of coffee, reading, writing, cuddling with the cats and dog, listening to the bird's songs. Having the feeling that everything will be better, everything is better and the world can be beautiful and I can be happy.
• "I dreamt about you nearly every night this week."
• "Useless Germany facts" might by my new favourite tumblr blog.
• The birds! How they are singing! They even sing at night which is kinda creepy tbh.
• Chilling at home with C; sitting in the sun, reading, cuddling with the cats, surfing the internet, listening to music, talking.
• This interview on writing. Thank you, Kate, for sharing the link! I feel so inspired now and I feel really connected to Mercedes, because I feel the same way about writing.
• Egyptian museum with C and going to Rischart afterwards. And the bus driver stopping in the middle of the road because he saw that we were too late for the bus!
• The art of Brittany Clifford
• Phoning my mum, dad and my dog. :')
• The photography of Nicola Odemann.
• Visiting the Dachau concentration camp memorial with A and C. It was the saddest place I've ever visited but also the most important one.

April

• Okay. Last night's "Let's Dance" performance by Oana and Eric gave me so many feels and inspired me so much.
• Forest walks with my dog and family, beergarden - first time in 2016!, lying in the grass and listening to music and falling asleep.
• Music of the moment: - Epica - Sleeping At Last - Lukas Graham - Lana Del Rey - Halsey
• Seeing a salamander in the woods!
• OUTLANDER SEASON 2!!
• My parents still holding hands, joking and laughing around, after 23 years of marriage.
• Finding a hidden, inspiring place in the woods. It was just so beautiful...I want to write books and poems about this place.
• The cabin chronicles and Cabinlove on Instagram.
• Booking bus- and train tickets & a nice room in Vienna. I can't wait for June!
• Finally starting with postcrossing again!
• Frühlingsfest! I think I even like it more than the Oktoberfest itself.
• Finding "We Need to Talk About Kevin" and "Sharp Objects" at the flea market (for 1,50€ each!) and "This One Summer" at the secondhand bookshop (for 4€! omg! I was so lucky!)
• Modcloth. I'm obsessed with their stuff and I think I've added 328323 new things to my wishlist. (They're home stuff is so adorable!)
• That girl on the train who looked like Kate Upton.
• Meeting Laura again (after almost two years!), discovering a super cute café in Munich and having a super yummy peanut butter-chocolate cake.
• Idrils playlists.
• Half-naked sunbathing on the balcony.
• Sometimes I feel like ~ is in love with me or at least has some kind of feelings for me even though he has a girlfriend.
• Frühlingsfest II and Firetage Festival with my parents. It was so nice to see both of them! We had a nice time! (And it was my first time taking a ride on the ferris wheel and ghost train!)
• Jodie Steeles version of Heaven On Their Minds. And ohmy, her hair is gorgeous!
• My A Song of Ice and Fire obsession. I wish I could write characters like GRRM. Jesus.
• Seeing black squirrels!
• 75 Minutes of fitness - cardio (elliptical), abs strength and leg killer. I'm so motivated at the moment. (27.4.16)
• Snow storms at the end of April.
• Receiving a new book ("Metamorphose am Rande des Himmels" by Mathias Malzieu) via Tauschticket. Now my little Malzieu collection is finally complete!
• Having some alone-time. I mean, it's nice to have flatmates (and three pets) but sometimes I just need a few hours for myself.

May

• Haleema's review of Marked. It's so funny and true and I'm dying because I'm laughing so hard.
• Jake T. Austin & Danielle Caesars relationship still gives me all the feels. Such a beautiful story.
• Exploring the library with Jasmin. It felt like heaven, ohmy. I mean, I've been to libraries before, of course, but this one was...ajdajk. Heaven. Also, it was so nice to see Jasmin again!
• Minigolfen • Eis essen • abends Sushi essen gehen
• Hofbräuhaus with F, S, B and M. The Kässpätzle were excellent. Also, just having a nice time strolling through Munichs beautiful alleys and streets, observing people and feeling happy.
• Summer-y days. I always thought I hated summer but now...it just feels so good. The world is so much more colourful and bright.
• Finally finished another 1000 calorie Fitness Blender workout. It's been months since I've done one and I really love them.
• This post about Lana Del Rey tropes/reference points. This woman is so inspiring, I could write books about her (not even kidding).
• ...still thinking about that library.
• Making sweet potato fries.
• A squirrel running around on our balcony!
• ABC cancelling Castle and Agent Carter. MTV cancelling Faking It. CBS cancelling Person of Interest.
• Mumford & Sons concert. NO WORDS. One of the most beautiful evenings in my life. So much happiness, goosebumps, crying, dancing, singing my heart out. I can't believe I finally saw them live, after almost seven years of being a fan. They carried me through so many emotions, helped me through phases of depression, pain, anxiety, but also happiness and love, and I'm so thankful for their music. They're more than just a band to me and I owe them so much. Also: accidentally running into Marcus Mumford just before the concert started, lol. :>
  • Marcus running through the middle of the crowd during "Ditmas".
  • That girl who screamed after Marcus sang "I can fuck it all away". His grin, omg. :>
• Shannon and Cammie breaking up.
• Stevie and Ally breaking up.
• Watching the last episode of Castle.
• 26.5.- The perfect day. Roadtripping with A, C, F and N to my home, spending a beautiful day at the lake, swimming, eating french fries and ice cream, chilling, sunbathing, just having an amazing time with lots of laughter and happiness.
• Random domestic moments with N and C. (+ talking English with a heavy German accent, lol)
• Reading 19 books in May. Many of them were graphic novels, but still!
• Reading about TV tropes.

June

• Vienna. I met so many lovely people and saw so much and explored the city and ate super yummy food and just had an amazing time. Some of my favourite moments: photographing roses, eating cupcakes, flirting with guys I'll probably never see again, that girl who wanted to give us Evita tickets for free (sadly we didn't have the time to see it), and so much more...all the little things.
• Venus's listography. You are so freaking inspiring, thank you!
• Reading graphic novels.
• EM opening Public Viewing at the Augustinerkeller beer garden. I mean...it was kinda awkward to be with so many French friends of C. but still...quite fun. Also: that guy wo smiled at me all the time.
• Watching "Song of the Sea" aka the most beautiful movie I have ever seen.
• Savannah Brown. Her poems. Her face. Her vidoes, even though I don't agree with all of them (for example her Nihilism video).
  • Instagram
  • YouTube
• Running with C. My first "real" time running outside because I didn't want to do it alone.
• Shopping & having lunch with mum. Buying four secondhand books ("The Miniaturist", a second copy of "The Book Thief" in hardcover, a second copy of "The Shadow of the Wind" in hardcover and a Scotland picture book).
• Memories of Glee live in Manchester. I remember it like it was yesterday. I had such a good time back then. x x
• ... asking me on a date. I...wasn't expecting that.
• Watching the Germany-Poland game with my flatmates and Y, M and A. It was super boring but still, I had an amazing and super funny evening with these guys.
• Cuddling with C. on the couch.
• Going to the Asian restaurant with the squad.
• That one guy. I don't even know. He just makes me so happy.
  • And I'm falling for him I'm falling for him I'm falling for him.
• Music of the moment:
  • Ditmas | "And so I cry as I hold you for the last time in this life..."
  • Tompkins Square Park | "I wanna hear you lie one last time, just one last time..."
  • There Will Be Time | "In the cold light I live to love and adore you, it's all that I am, it's all that I have. In the cold light I live, I only live for you, it's all that I am, it's all that I have."
  • Believe | "Say something, say something, something like you love me."

July

• Watching the Germany-Italy soccer match with friends and flatmates, ordering pizza and having an amazing time with lots of laughs.
• Making crepes with friends.
• Fußball EM!
• Being super productive. And falling in love with working out and a fitness lifestyle all over again. It just makes my life so much better and I feel so much healthier, happier and stronger.
• Mumford & Sons, always, always, always. Current favourite is "Ditmas". They're music is my life and it makes me so happy and sad at the same time. Feels like being in love, basically.
• The pretty girl who waited for the S-Bahn and read "Dragonfly in Amber".
• Walking the dog and seeing squirrels, red cats and hedgehogs.
• Visiting my hometown.
• Spontaneously buying an iPhone SE.
• Finding (and buying) the perfekt summer dress.
• Sexy times with B.
• Elayna and Riley. I just love them. People who have the courage to leave everything behind and live their dream life are my biggest inspiration and give me the courage to believe in my dreams.
• The "this or that" and "Tag yourself" tumblr memes.
• Wind and rain.
• And suddenly all the songs made sense...
• Walking around the city and playing Pokémon Go with F.
• Analyzing and interpreting Mumford & Sons lyrics and song meanings in general.
• This little guide to Vienna. The photos are beautiful!
• Collecting travel and lifestyle inspiration and being kind of obsessed with travel instagrams. Also: collecting happiness, beauty, the small things in life.
• Going to the cinema and Gärtnerplatz Open Air with C. I really love to spend time with her, she's such an amazing friend.
• Going to the flea market with C. and buying two lovely cardigan-ish jackets. I'm getting really obsessed with them.
• Dyeing Annas hair blue.
• My favourite cousin getting engaged! I'm so happy I could cry!
• Sitting on the balcony, drinking coffee, reading John Burnsides "The Dumb House".
• July being the best month in...years! I'm so happy, haven't had a depressive phase or anxiety in weeks, the new meds are working so well, and I feel really good right now.
• Minigolfen and eating the best ice cream on earth (baileys becher mit giottoeis!) with C., F. and N.
• Lots of sexy times with B...
• Bruised Knees' pinterest. So inspiring. Makes me want to write poems about wildflowers and the 80s.
• Music of the moment: Ophelia • Snake Eyes • Only Love • Ditmas
• Rain, rain, raiiin!
• Walking the dog at night and seeing stone martens and hedgehogs.
• Alice Kristiansen.
• These beautiful pictures of Morocco.
• Reading about love and lust on Oliver Flesch's blog.
• Gal meets Glam's blog post on Peru.
• Sitting outside in the sun and wind, reading "One Day", writing with B.
• Slowly falling asleep while listening to alt-j.

August

• Falling asleep while writing with B.
• Sitting outside, reading, writing weird ass poetry about suicide and the woodlands and moss-covered girls, drinking coffee, lots of sun which actually isn't my thing but the wind makes it bearable.
• Making banana-mango nice cream.
• Hearing my neighbors having sex. SO. ENTERTAINING.
• Becoming a romantic by constantly saving couple pictures on my laptop and writing more love poems than poems about depression and suicide.
• Dinnerparty with lots of amazing, nice, lovely, wonderful people! Having a wonderful time...
• This weird-ass feeling between light depression and deep, deep happiness...; Weltschmerz...
• Doing some creative stuff: writing, painting, calligraphy.
• Planning my next trip to Vienna.
• Meditating in the sun; my growing and growing and growing spirituality, positivity, and inner bliss and peace.
• Flatmate's cat sleeping in my closet and pretending I don't notice it.
• Writing so much my hand hurts...writing 10 pages in a row, filling my journal with calligraphy and sketches and poems, concepts, thoughts and diary entries.
• Starting my bullet journal while listening to the Drums of Autumn audiobook.
• Making lots of art.
• Laughing and talking with the squad.
• Spending time at the library.
• Binge watching How to Get Away With Murder with N. and F. I'm so obsessed it gives me so many feelings.
• Arrival of the new baby cat!
• The art of Tanya Shatseva. So inspiring.
• Suuuper lazy days at home; reading Murakami, Ishiguro and the Saga graphic novels, drawing, sitting outside, breathing in the scent of rain and sun and wind, writing in my (bullet) journal, watching How to Get Away With Murder, talking and laughing with the squad.
• Cuddling, kissing, loving Levi.
• Working out four to five times a week, not eating bullshit food, living the healthiest lifestyle. I feel so good - well, at least when it comes to my physical health. I've lost fat and gained muscles and I'm very proud of that. I finally fell in love with my legs - that one body part I used to hate the most! I'm really happy and feel so strong.
• Filling many, many pages of my dream journal because I can remember my dreams now almost on a daily basis (thanks to reality checks!) - I feel like I'm getting closer to a lucid dream experience.
• August was basically the laziest month but it's okay. I have to take small steps, I can do this, I won't let my mental health problems ruin my life. It's okay. Small steps are better than no steps. Everything will work out eventually.
• Making so much art. Writing, painting, drawing.
• Finally getting out of the reading slump I had in July.
• Reading 11 books in August, and two of them made it on my Favourites of 2016 list! (Lavender and Blankets).
• C. getting her job offer so she'll stay in Munich for the next few years!!!!
• Spending a wonderful evening with the squad - K., A., N., C. and F. - and having dinner at my favourite asian restaurant. Lots of laughs and excellent food.
• C.: "...did you lose weight?"

September

• Sitting in the sun, eating kiwis, re-reading Lavender.
• Saying goodbye to C. (and being really happy that I'm going to see her again soon!)
• Buying three books from amazon: Milk & Honey, Lullabies and What is not yours is not yours.
• Having a great birthday party at my aunt's & uncle's, having a barbecue with a bonfire, strawberry champagne, blues music and a sky full of stars.
• Spending some time at and with my relatives and seeing my favourite cousin and her fiance again.
• Reading The Bell Jar while listening to the rain.
• Pressing summer flowers before they can wither.
• Filling dozens of art journal pages.
• Barbecue with my parents.
• Swimming in the lake.
• Spending some time at home - and just feeling very very happy and inspired (did so much art!), lots of laughs, that feeling of coming/being at home.
• Kaelyn and Lucy breaking up.
• My flatmates giving me a 30€ Amazon gift card (already ordered 4 books!) and a jar of Nutella with stupid penis drawings and doodles on it :D
• F. making iced coffee for me. A cute act of kindness, I didn't even ask for it, but it made me very happy.
• Writing with B. again.
• Working on my poetry pamphlet/zine, my novel and my short story collection. (I couldn't just choose one project! I have to do them all.)
• Remembering my wonderful childhood and feeling kind of nostalgic (in a good way this time!), starting a "childhood memories" journal (C. gave me a cute notebook, I chose to use this one as my memories journal) and realizing that I really had the best childhood and that I'm really grateful for that - especially for my parents because they are just perfect. I was so lucky, and still am.
• Jessie Burtons blog post on success, creativity and anxiety. I suffer from the same "disorders" (what a terrible word) as Jessie Burton and I can totally relate to everything she writes about in this post: the striving for perfection, the frustration, the goals and dreams, the anxiety, derealisation and depression.
• Jane Beatas journal, tips and tricks on art and her beautiful paintings of course.
• Discovering new art and inspiration on deviantart and pixiv.
• Making banana nice cream.
• Reading thousands of poems and thinking that... maybe poetry is the answer to all my questions.
• Listening to soft music and the rain and reading poetry.
• Midnight walks in the park. In the rain.
• Rain rain rain rain rain so much rain
• Sitting on the balcony while it rains, reading Carys Brays "Sweet Home", feeling soft raindrops and the cold on my skin like quiet whispers, listening to the birds and the wind in the chestnut trees, breathing in the lovely scent of autumn and solitude and bliss. (17.9.16)
• alt-j's An Awesome Wave.
• Listening to alt-j, writing poetry and working on my zine, writing in my dream journal, drinking coffee and apple-cinnamon-tea, working, getting a package from my parents (they sent me chocolate and Star Wars band aids!), rain, feeling autumnnal and blissful. I haven't felt that happy in almost a year. (19.9.16)
• Our flatmate J. being super adorable and lovely.
• Making a cheesecake with N. and F.
• A lovely gaming night wih N., F., J., E. and P.
• Another unexpected act of kindness: Uncle T. transferring money on my bank account without telling me.
• Sitting in the tube, watching people, feeling inspired...
• Listening to Kings of Convenience. I don't know why but their songs always remind me of the end of summer, the beginning of autumn...melancholy, and unrequited love and lost memories.
• One of my favourite internet people Colleen finally being back on YouTube!! Yaay!
• Going to the library with J. ♥ and after that we went to this lovely vegetarian-vegan restaurant and I had an amaaaazing risotto. It was so nice to see and talk to J. again, she's just the best. (28.9.)
• Walking around the streets of Maxvorstadt at night. And dreaming.
• F. making coffee for me. His coffee is always perfect.
• Finding weiße wiese, the most inspiring tumblr ever.
• Book flea market, walking alongside the Isar river.

October

• Oktoberfest with E., J., N., V., J., and C. - kind of falling in love with Radler, tipsy flirts & dancing with J. on the table, singing, laughing, that beautiful woman flirting with me... (Bonus: NO MORE SOCIAL PHOBIA.)
• Rainy, lazy sundays with coffee and How to get away with murder.
• Reading the SMUTTIEST Flaurel fanfics and loving them. Oh my god. I'm so sorry, mum and dad.
• Movie and show night with N. and F. and Spekulatius-Tiramisu. And rain!
• Making burnt almonds. Super delicious! I can't wait to go to the Christmas market.
• Donating my birthday money to WWF.
• Finally seeing B. again. Drinking a cup of coffee, having awesome conversations and laughs, going to the Wortwahl bookstore which is one of my absolute fav bookstores (I bought "The Doldrums" by Nicholas Gannon) and then to the English cinema (we watched "Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children").
• Chocolate brownie ice cream.
• N.'s yummy gingerbread-chocolate cake and cherry tea.
• Rain. Lots of rain. Rain inspires me so freaking much. The smell, the sound...I love it so much.
• Coffee. So much coffee.
• Brainstorming my story for this years NaNoWriMo.
• Ghostclub's pinterest boards. So inspiring.
• Sitting on the balcony, the golden autumn sun on my face, butterflies in my stomach, reading "I Wrote this For You: Just the Words" and feeling so wonderful and inspired and hopeful. I feel like this book just changed my whole universe. (12.10.16)
• Dreaming about you again. It's been MONTHS since I last had a dream about you.
• Being super obsessed (ADDICTED!) to How To Get Away...I've never been THAT addicted to a freaking tv show! I mean, I've been a huge Castle and Outlander fan/shipper but this...is so freaking extreme, it's probably not normal anymore. I had to stay up till 4 am to watch episode 03x04 and couldn't go back to sleep for 3 hours after it's ended because I had all these intense feelings and felt like hyperventilating. It actually felt like one of my own stories? Like a story I had in the back of my head? I can't really describe it. It's like these characters became my friends and I can't handle this shit ajdaskdjasdk;; I'm way too obsessed with stories and fictional characters but I'm a weird psycho anyways so whatever.
  • I guess it's just one of these shows where I wish I could've written it.
• The covers of Alice Kristiansen. I'm usually not a big fan of covers but she is just so perfect, I'm totally in love with her and her voice and want all of her songs on my iPod because WOW.
• Brainstorming THE HELL out of my future novel.
• This weird-ass feeling I'm having but can't describe. A deep felt mixture between spirituality, poetry inside my brains, inspiration, philosophy, spiritual attraction to certain people (especially H.) and places and sometimes material things. A feeling that shouldn't exist on earth, or one that's floating between heaven and earth; that's how I always imagine it... and even though it's like being in love, it scares the hell out of me.
• Seeing a beautiful black ladybug. (15.10.)
• Driving home. I'm so happy to finally see my parents and dog again. ♥
• Autumn, my favourite time of the year! Pumpkin season! Collecting chestnuts, fallen leaves, sitting on the terrace while it rains and reading, eating pumpkin soup and pumpkin risotto, drinking blueberry and chocolate tea, watching "Over the Garden Wall", taking walks in the cold, playing hide and seek with my dog, seeing a rainbow.
• My spirituality and beliefs, discovering more and more about cosmotheism, pantheism and wiccas, and learning more about myself - my insides, my brain, my soul, my ghost.
• Thinking about Grandma. Trying to stay positive. “The soul is not ruled by time and space. The soul is infinite. It blends with the One in infinity.” — Ram Dass
• Reading marathon (I'm currently reading John Burnsides "Summer of Drowning") and listening to my Celtic/Instrumental playlist.
• Holding your hand.
• Researching some (super interesting and accurate) astrology stuff.
• Wearing the sadness and solitude like a second skin; trying to embrace it; trying to see it as a friend; trying to turn it into something spiritual, deep; idek.
• Words are my life savers. Loving Like An Existentialist by the wonderful Savannah Brown is just...I don't have words for it. It went straight to my heart and now I feel like I just experienced true love, simply through words. It's kinda weird because Savannah and I have different beliefs and I can't agree with everything said in this poem but maybe that's why I love it so much.
• Thinking about life and the universe and reincarnation and all --
• So much rain. And my parents' super bad coffee.
• Writing my heart out. Writing more than 1000 (good) words in less than thirty minutes, which is a record for me.
• Chrys' HTGAWM recaps because OHMYGOD ahahah.
• Sending in my submission/poem for the Northern Lights zine. No one has ever read my longer poems so this is quiet scary but it also feels really good???!
• My poem is going to be included in the zine omg <3
• Spending some time with my dad.
• Having a nice autumn walk with dad and my dog. Feeling nostalgic. Reading and listening to celtic music. Space documentations. Cuddling Rico. Autumn sun. Wind. Fallen leaves. How To Get Away With Murder. Poetry. Scotland documentations. Breathing in, deeply. All the small but wonderful things. (30.10.)
• thank you for everything. I'm so proud of you. ♥
• ✰ ☽ Samhain ☾ ✰
• Just found one of my old tin boxes, filled with gemstones, old messages and letters to myself - written in 2013, a calligraphy pen and nibs, two big stones, a shark tooth, and a smaller toffee tin. I bought the big tin box in Reims in 2012 (it was filled with pastries back then), and I remember it like it was yesterday.

November

• First snow (06.11.16)
• Mumford & Sons
• H. visiting us, laughing, singing Schlager, eating Kässpätzle with lots of onions.
• Driving home home to see my relatives and going my Grandma's funeral. It was sad, but it was also kind of peaceful, and I could feel her presence all day. She would have loved all the roses and the Ave Maria and the cake we ate afterwards, and all the candles we put in the living room. And the whole family was together - I never thought that would be possible! It was lovely, comfy, warm, beautiful familiar, and I know she was there, too, and was happy.
• Having a wonderful long conversation with A. I don't get to meet her that often but I feel really connected to her, because she seems like she's a profound, spiritual person, just like me. I loved talking to her, she's such a beautiful human, inside and out.
• Hugs from B. and S. And T.
• Reading the first two books in the "David Hunter" series (by Simon Beckett). Sometimes I just need some good thrillers, especially sick ones, so those two books were perfect.
• Having a calm evening with K., T., Mum and Dad, just chilling and talking and eating.
• Seeing the trees, seeing the grey sky, feeling the wind in my hair, the immense, almost violent rain, Grandma's garden, the last few leaves falling on the ground, (childhood) nostalgia, melancholy, Mumford & Sons "Ghosts That We Knew", having dreams about sinking boats and red skies and crystals, reading poetry.
• Stranger Things
• Reading so much poetry. I feel like my heart is going to burst.
• Walking the dog, in the pouring rain. Feeling inspired af. I don't know what it is with me and rain, but it makes me just so freaking happy.
• Westworld
• Going to McDonald's with my parents. I usually don't eat fast food, but McDonald's reminds me of my childhood because we went there - occasionally - when I was younger, and I associate it with so many wonderful memories and old friends, and it also reminds me of a person I used to have a crush on/was in love with and how we talked about it a few years ago and...idek, I still associate her with so many things and still miss her. Also: I won a coke and a coffee. :D

December.

• Cleaning the bathrooms and listening and singing to Mumford & Sons. I had a really shitty day but that felt so therapeutic and I felt so much better afterwards.
• "I'll give you 500€ if you sleep with B. and clean his flat!" - "But why do I have to clean his flat?!" - *J. can't stop laughing*
• Laughing SO MUCH with N. and F. I can't even remember what it was about but we were DYING from laughter.
• Glühwein, coffee and hot cocoa. Lifesavers.
• Cuddling with Levi.
• Cleaning and sorting out stuff in my room. I feel so reborn.
• Liptons vanilla caramel tea.
• Meditating for 45 minutes without falling asleep.
• Mädelsabend with C., R., N. and H.: baking unicorn and "Breaking Bad" cookies, cinnamon stars and Spitzbuben, listening and singing to Christmas music, eating lasagna, watching the beginning of Frauentausch (lol), talking and laughing, lovely, warm hugs that made me feel loved. I think someday I won't be that lonely anymore. I just have to find the right friends, and let go of the people who don't care about the real me.
• buying a christmas tree with Dad.
• sitting outside, drinking hot cocoa and reading poetry.
• Family dinner, meeting all my relatives and having a nice(-ish) time.
• visiting my Grandma's grave and bringing her a stone angel.
• Blueberry-muffin tea and avocado toast.
• Filling another daily journal (took me less than three months!)
• Avocado toast and fresh banana-mango-chia smoothie for breakfast.
• Getting out of my reading slump and reading SO MUCH poetry (Rilke, Simic, Hanh and Neruda).
• Meeting Bibbsch and strolling around the Gärtnerplatz, going to that lovely restaurant-café (Cotidiano, one of my new fav places in Munich <3) and having a wonderful afternoon (and a yummy spinach quiche!).
• Strolling through the Christmas market at Marienplatz.
• Rewatching Star Wars and drowning in feels. (Especially The Force Awakens feels omg!)
• ROGUE ONE WITH BIBBSCH <3
• Seeing the neighbourhood dog running around in the garden. There's nothing more beautiful than happy dogs.
• Recovering from another depressive phase.
• Going to the christmas market with K., T., C. and my parents, drinking Punsch and eating Nutella crepes.
• Being more hopeful again. I guess.