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The exploits are my own, but credit for this list goes to jen

I have:

  • Been sick
    • in a bar bathroom
    • in a restaurant
      • unfortunately NOT in the bathroom
    • at the county fair
    • in a kitchen sink
    • out the window of a moving vehicle
  • Been in fights
    • with friends
      • who are no longer friends
      • who are still friends
        • despite broken noses
    • with a mohawked stranger
    • with the DJ at the video bar
    • with inanimate objects
  • Jumped
    • from a third story balcony
      • to escape someone who may have been chasing me
    • into Lake Pontchartrain
    • out of a moving vehicle
    • into bed
  • Ruined
    • shoes
      • white Chuck Taylors
      • favorite combat boots
      • red suede heels
    • reputations
      • my own
      • other people's
    • friendships
    • a wedding
  • Broken
    • promises
    • cell phones
      • TWICE
    • furniture
      • office chair
      • hide-a-bed
    • bones
      • fingers
      • toes
      • noses
        • not mine
    • my glasses
    • fine stemware
    • a one-of-a-kind French statue
  • Won
    • fist fights
    • bets
    • mud wrestling
    • Naked Girls Reading competition
  • Passed out
    • at a bar
    • at Starbucks
      • spent my last $3 on an iced coffee so I could pass out in their bathroom
    • at the train station
  • Kissed
    • girls
    • boys
    • my ex
    • strangers
    • bartenders
    • cross-dressers
    • prostitutes
    • pirates
    • jailbait
    • people twice my age
    • the singer in the band
  • Stripped
    • in a taxi
    • in a photobooth
      • TWICE
    • at a St. Patrick's Day party
    • like a Sweet Transvestite
  • Pretended to be sober
    • to myself
    • to my parents
    • to friends more drunk than myself
    • to my boss
    • to Vice President Biden
    • to Kevin Spacey
  • Peed in places I shouldn't have
    • behind a dumpster at the gay bar
    • in the men's room
    • between two cars in a crowded parking lot
  • Skinny-dipped
    • in Loomis Lake
      • while I was on duty as a lifeguard
    • in Lake Michigan
    • in Lake Geneva
    • in the Andaman Sea
  • Been frisked by
    • The Secret Service
    • Chicago police
    • Department of Homeland Security
      • They were totally overreacting
    • Navy Pier Security
  • Rescued
    • friends from boredom
    • a turtle from a pack of feral cats
    • a transvestite hooker from a knife-wielding mugger
  • Broken into
    • my ex's house, while he was out of town
    • the Grand Ballroom at Navy Pier
    • a stranger's apartment
      • because my date couldn't remember where she lived
  • Took a shower with all my clothes on
    • then wore those same wet clothes to work 5 hours later
  • Pushed a bouncer down a flight of stairs
  • Went to class wearing nothing but leggings and a jacket
  • Shaved my legs in the bathroom at a bar
  • Helped local prostitutes write resumes and cover letters
  • Threatened my ex with a hammer outside a bar
  • Fell down on the dance floor at a wedding reception
  • Sliced open my hand while trying to demonstrate that my knife was "not that sharp."
jul 4 2011 ∞
dec 4 2019 +
user picture jen: Love it! Yours is better than mine though, I have been put to shame. One of your points needs more explaining though...What were you doing drunk with the vice Pres?! But seriously, this made me laugh a lot. And your background it the coolest one I have ever seen. jul 4 2011
user picture Lee: Vice President Biden was the keynote speaker at a CURE event in Chicago last month. I fortunate enough to attend in the company of some...uhhh... "important people" and had the chance to meet the VP. Incidentally, that's also when I was frisked by the Secret Service. jul 7 2011