• it was a one-off incident, why should it still affect me now?
• it was a one-off incident, how much does it reflect his true self? was this genuinely a mistake or not?
• it was almost five years ago, why would he remember it? why should i?
• it was almost five years ago, he won't be the same person as he was back then.
• it was a one-off incident, five years ago, that i'm probably blowing way out of proportion.
• he has a good reputation in the community. barely anyone knows who i am. they'll think i'm a grifter and/or trying to ruin him.
• if he remembers me or the incident, his version of events could be used to make me look like a shitty person.
• people who know him and remember me could do the same.
• most times i've tried to open up about it didn't get me anywhere. someone who called me her 'best-friend' obviously didn't care.
• it happened in person, so i have no proof.
• all i have to go on are my memories. which are too specific to seem believable.
• the memories hurt too much to write a recount of the event. i've tried so many times but even typing his name makes me physically sick.
• what happened isn't significant enough for me to feel justified using the word 'trauma'.
• white men will always be protected.
• what happened wasn't illegal, why should it matter?
• what do i honestly hope to gain from opening up?
• why should anyone believe me.

update: over the last year i've reconnected with old friends and opened up to them about what happened. these friends have known this person much closer than i ever did and can confirm he's done similar things to them. while this isn't public knowledge in our community, it's nice to have the support network that i didn't have back in 2018.