Tim Hortons

• A drunk guy came in once and wanted to buy a peanut butter cookie for his dog, but he had no money. And he just kept talking about how much his dog loved peanut butter cookies until his friend came and took him away.
• Creepy old man I served kept staring and staring at me. He said I was very beautiful and that I reminded him of his daughter (which I thought was weird cause he was looking at me like he wanted to rape me). He asked when my break was so that we could sit down at a table together. I lied and told him I'd already taken my break. When he finally left he went around to the back of the building and stood near the garbage cans for a couple of hours, and it really creeped me out because I felt like he was waiting for me to take garbage out so that he could jump me. Eventually a police officer (Adam) came in to order coffee and we told him about the guy and Adam scared him off.
• This guy Martin that came through drive-thru every day and who never said more than one word to me once gave me a note that said something along the lines of "You have a beautiful smile. I'd like to see more of it sometime" with his phone number at the bottom. I wasn't interested because a) he never talked and b) I was in a relationship so obviously I never called him, but I still had to serve him every day after that. It was awkward every time.
• The time Dan came through drive-thru and we flirted a bit and then he drove off, but came back inside to "buy a donut", whereupon he got a piece of paper and a pen, wrote down his number and told me to call him sometime. (And thus began the best and worst relationship of my life.)
• Homeless man came in and bought a bowl of chili, and counted out his change excrutiatingly slowly. Meanwhile, I was standing there trying not to breathe because he had the most horrendous body odour I have ever smelled. I feel bad for saying that, because he was homeless and obviously has no place to shower, but it was awful.
• Writing cute notes or drawing hearts and smilies on the lids of coffees for customers that I liked. I tried to think of different synonyms of the word "hot" every night for this one exceptionally gorgeous creature to make him smile. It always worked.
• As a joke, Joe brought me a winning Roll Up The Rim tab that he had written "blow job" on. It was kind of hilarious.
• When Zehrs was being renovated, all the construction guys would come in on their break, and there was one particularly cute one that I always flirted with. Anyway one night when my boyfriend dropped me off at work, I saw the cute construction guy sitting at a table in there, and he was facing the window and we'd pulled up right in front of him so we made eye contact. I somehow knew he was there waiting for me. I tried to get out of the car without kissing my boyfriend but he wouldn't let me. I went inside and punched in and when I came back out behind the counter, the guy stood up from his table, looked at me and smiled this really small, sad kind of smile, and then left. I never saw him again. I think of him often and regret not saying anything to make him stay.
• Feeding Timbits to all the dogs that came through the drive-thru until they came to expect it. This one dog Kelly would actually try to jump right through the window.

BDCS

• This one homeless-looking guy who lives downtown with a really long ponytail came in and ordered a BLT, then went to sit down. There was a miniature iron Eiffel Tower statue on his table, and I saw him move it to the front door and then go back to his table to wait. After he ate, he presumably left the building with the Tower because it was never seen again.
• Some crazy guy named Gord would come in at like 9AM and sit out on the patio playing guitar and singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" very loudly and terribly.
  • Another time he gave me a miniature red trumpet as a gift, saying that he found it on the ground. Thanks...?
  • A customer in front of Gord in line gave me a $5 bill to give to him. I did, and he started throwing a tantrum (he was crying and literally stamping his feet), then yelled "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?" at me and ran out of the store.
  • Called a woman a cunt in front of her two young children and since then has been banned forever (thank goodness).
• A guy who is working on the restaurant upstairs had his cellphone out and was (I assume) taking a picture of me while I was working.
• One of my regular customers (Skinny) told me that he looked up my address in the phone book and that he now knows where I live. Then he proceeded to say, "Now I just need to figure out which window is yours!"
• A customer (who was American, I might add) was extremely rude to me one day. It was incredibly busy, and I grabbed her food from the kitchen and went to look for her table on the upper level, and then on the patio. When I didn't see her number there, I started to go back downstairs to the lower level, where she was standing there waiting for me. She was like, "Is that for table number __?" I said yes and she said, "Well we're sitting over HERE." So I followed her to her table and set down her food and she proceeded to talk to her husband about me as though I wasn't standing right there. "This bitch took our food outside! Can you believe that? What reason would she have for taking it OUTSIDE?" Sorry that I turned right out of the kitchen before I turned left? How the fuck was I supposed to know you weren't sitting upstairs or outside... I HATE PEOPLE.
• This old man named Ron always comes in and makes me carry his espresso to his table for him. And one time he grabbed my hand as I was walking away and told me that I turn him on. NO.
• Seeing a raccoon with no tail walking up and down the stairs on the patio from the window of the Underdog. Then watching him squeeze his fat body through a crack about an inch wide to get underneath the deck where I can only assume he lives.
• A couple hottie construction workers came in for breakfast and Crystal and I were talking about them long after they left. A couple days later they came in again and ordered dinner. They left after eating but a couple minutes later I saw the cuter one come back in and he waited in line to talk to me. When he got to the counter I asked, "Did you forget something?" And he said, "Yeah, to give you my phone number." And that is how I met Scott.
  • "I didn't come back for the french toast."
• Working on counter with Johnny and a customer pronounced "half and half" like "arf and arf" and Johnny gave me this look and I had to walk away because I was going to burst out laughing.
• When Michael and I were working on counter together, someone asked us if we were husband and wife. When we said no, they asked if we were brother and sister. Again, we said no and wondered why they thought that. They said it was because we worked so well together.
• Brown Dog basement back massages.
• Once when I was cleaning the blender I turned it on by accident with nothing inside and it started smoking and then it smelled like burnt plastic for a long time after that.