how many times did i wash my hands? it turns out i never stopped counting this... lets see where this goes

JANUARY

• 01/01: 96
• 02/01: ~ 116

imagina lavar a mao 25 vezes seguidas e ainda nao sentir ela limpa

• 03/01: ~ 136 — 04/01: 109 — 05/01: ~ 124 — 06/01: ~ 130 — 07/01: ~ 94 — 08/01: ~ 59 — 09/01: ~ 100 — 10/01: 93 — 11/01: 124 — 12/01: 81 — 13/01: ~ 76
• 14/01: 156

meus pais tao com covid

• 15/01: ~ 154 — 16/01: 184 — 17/01: 200 — 18/01: 176 — 19/01: ~ 245 — 20/01: ~ 200 — 21/01: ~ 190 — 22/01: ~ 175 — 23/01: 165 — 24/01: 119 — 25/01: ~ 132 — 26/01: ~ 98 — 27/01: 74 — 28/01: 112
• 29/01: 71

relativamente um dia bom se comparado com os anteriores (mas ainda podia ser mt melhor... tinha dias q eu fechava com 30 vezes so). uma hora tive o pensamento de lavar mais vezes seguidas, n lavei e nao me senti angustiada depois. entao ta ok pro q tava pelo menos

• 30/01: 128 — 31/01: 68

FEBRUARY

• 01/02: ~ 66 — 02/02: ~ 81 — 03/02: 92 — 04/02: 81 — 05/02: 166
• 06/02: ~ 148

hj foi foda (mais do q ontem ate por mais q eu nao tenha lavado a mao tantas vezes. como sera q funciona isso.)

• 07/02: 146

bad day. really bad day. i kept feeling unease because i didnt feel clean enough. felt really bad. my body started to shiver a few times because of the urge to wash my hands again and it wouldnt pass when i washed them.

• 08/02: 92 — 09/02: 82 — 10/02: 84 — 11/02: 68 — 12/02: 88 — 13/02: 110 — 14/02: 128 — 15/02: 130 — 16/02: 124 — 17/02: ~ 80 — 18/02: 110 — 19/02: ~ 100 — 20/02: 114 — 21/02: ~ 70 — 22/02: 76 — 23/02: 96
• 24/02: 86

kind of a bad day.

• 25/02: 130

i think it was a bad day too. but it was worse yesterday, even if i washed my hands more times today. idk it doesnt make sense

• 26/02: 106

(48 vezes praticamente so de duas vezes que fui no banheiro)

• 27/02: 101 — 28/02: 88

MARCH

• 01/03: 124
• 02/03: 140

sai de casa

• 03/03: 112 — 04/03: 122
• 05/03: 106

what is going on this month. i think things are bad

• 06/03: 116
• 07/03: 162

i think counting is not helping anymore. also have a rash rn so every time i treat it i wash my hands excessively after

• 08/03: 118

sera q eh possivel minha mao ter desenvolvido uma resistencia a isso?? eu to lavando a mao mais q o dobro do que antes e ela nao fica mais machucada igual ja ficou

• 09/03: 72

fiquei mt ansiosa pq teve visita. quase nao sai do quarto e evitei mexer em tudo pq nao queria lavar a mao se outra pessoa tinha encostado ali.

• 10/03: 126 — 11/03: ~ 120
• 12/03: ~ 136

levantei da cama e boom lavei a mao 42 vezes

• 13/03: 144

to tendo q cuidar de 2 machucados. well

• 14/03: ~ 142
• 15/03: ~ 158

sai de casa. mexi em mta coisa

• 16/03: 142
• 17/03: 126

comecei o dia "bem mas enfim. cuidar d machucado ainda me faz lavar mtas vezes

• 18/03: ~ 114 — 19/03: ~ 102 — 20/03: ~ 140 — 21/03: 112 — 22/03: 136 — 23/03: 94
• 24/03: ~ 170

sai de casa. atendi a porta

• 25/03: ~ 132
• 26/03: ~ 148

nao consigo parar de me COÇAR

• 27/03: 76
• 28/03: 68

podia ser 54 se nao fosse antes d dormir

• 29/03: 78 — 30/03: ~ 94 — 31/03: 90

APRIL

• 01/04: 100 — 02/04: 80 — 03/04: 90
• 04/04: 100

a bad day. sometimes i think its not really a bad day because i had reasons to wash my hands (like i touched some dirty things and had the need to wash my hands excessively after). but i have to remember that not everyone have the need to wash their hands excessively after touching dirty things. i think its normal to wash them properly like 2 times but i washed like 20 times. im pretty sure my hands were already clean and i still had the need to wash them MORE. so yeah, it counts as a bad day.

• 05/04: 86 — 06/04: 98 — 07/04: 102 — 08/04: 86 — 09/04: 94 — 10/04: ~ 90 — 11/04: 90 — 12/04: 58 — 13/04: ~ 52 — 14/04: 84 — 15/04: 58 — 16/04: 68
• 17/04: ~ 74

n foi um dia ruim mas sai de casa

• 18/04: ~ 82
• 19/04: ~ 40

(?) fiquei o dia fora de casa. antes de sair acho q so lavei 5 vezes

• 20/04: 88 — 21/04: ~ 58
• 22/04: ~ 104

minha mae deixou outra pessoa usar o banheiro

• 23/04: 88

a lata de lixo do banheiro tava cheia

• 24/04: 76
• 25/04: ~ 86

sei la. genuinamente n lembro o q rolou pra isso

• 26/04: ~ 46 — 27/04: ~ 78 — 28/04: ~ 86 — 29/04: ~ 130
• 30/04: ~ 156

im kinda triggered but its ok. didnt feel that anxious

MAY

• 01/05: 96 — 02/05: 116 — 03/05: ~ 90 — 04/05: ~ 92 — 05/05: 74 — 06/05: ~ 90 — 07/05: ~ 84 — 08/05: ~ 80 — 09/05: ~ 82 — 10/05: ~ 136 — 11/05: ~ 10 — 12/05: ~ 100
• 13/05: ~ 126

ok. time to control myself again bc what is happening this month

• 14/05: ~ 124

im feeling a little insane i guwss

• 15/05: 94

talvez isso pare qnd eu parar de ter q limpar a rodinha da cadeira do pc

• 16/05: ~ 100 — 17/05: ~ 68 — 18/05: 78 — 19/05: 96 — 20/05: 74 — 21/05: 86 — 22/05: 76 — 23/05: ~ 76 — 24/05: ~ 52 — 25/05: ~ 70 — 26/05: ~ 90 — 27/05: ~ 88 — 28/05: ~ 88 — 29/05: ~ 72 — 30/05: ~ 60
• 31/05: ~ 70

JUNE

• 01/06: ~ 102 — 02/06: ~ 92 — 03/06: ~ 78 — 04/06: 78 — 05/06: ~ 60 — 06/06: ~ 56 — 07/06: ~ 58 — 08/06: ~ 78 — 09/06: ~ 122 — 10/06: ~ 108 — 11/06: 82 — 12/06: 86 — 13/06: ~ 88 — 14/06: ~ 92 — 15/06: ~ 88 — 16/06: ~ 78 — 17/06: ~ 90
• 18/06: 110

yeah

• 19/06: ~ 90 — 20/06: ~ 80 — 21/06: ~ 60 — 22/06: ~ 68 — 23/06: ~ 86
• 24/06: 162

to com covid

• 25/06: ~ 96 — 26/06: ~ 110 — 27/06: 98 — 28/06: 80 — 29/06: 80 — 30/06: 108

JULY

• 01/07: ~ 80 — 02/07: ~ 68 — 03/07: ~ 68 — 04/07: ~ 106 — 05/07: 80 — 06/07: ~ 118 — 07/07: ~ 116
• 08/07: ~ 136

eh... n sei o q ta rolando esses dias

• 09/07: ~ 130 — 10/07: ~ 106 — 11/07: ~ 126 — 12/07: 90 — 13/07: 94 — 14/07: 102
• 15/07: ~ 70

16 antes do banho !!

• 16/07: ~ 112

limpei a cadeira do pc

• 17/07: 96
• 18/07: ~ 120

idk..

• 19/07: 100
• 20/07: 104

24 antes do banho... dps rip

• 21/07: ~ 100

acho q nao foi hj q melhorei .

• 22/07: 120

(mas tb limpei o quarto. mas ja tava ruim ja)

• 23/07: ~ 114

pqp ..

• 24/07: ~ 90 — 25/07: 96
• 26/07: ~ 132

i think today was a bad day because i felt a little anxious and unclean, bothered with my own existence.

• 27/07: ~ 100

idk maybe it will be better tomorrow

• 28/07: 104

i keep thinking "maybe it will be better tomorrow". and then tomorrow comes and it's worse

• 29/07: ~ 86 — 30/07: ~ 68 — 31/07: ~ 74

AUGUST

• 01/08: 100 — 02/08: ~ 100 — 03/08: ~ 70 — 04/08: ~ 134 — 05/08: ~ 124 — 06/08: ~ 90 — 07/08: ~ 84 — 08/08: ~ 116 — 09/08: ~ 82 — 10/08: ~ 130 — 11/08: ~ 88 — 12/08: ~ 100 — 13/08: ~ 82 — 14/08: ~ 96 — 15/08: ~ 146 — 16/08: ~ 134
• 17/08: ~ 102

idk. i wasnt using the bathroom that often because i was feeling a little triggered, but it was leading to medical complications so now i am drinking more water and going to the bathroom more often. i think it's probably why i'm watching my hands more. it's still triggering idk why but im doing it... thats why the count is so high

• 18/08: ~ 122

threw away my face soap because it fell on the floor (before that it fell on the sink and i scraped it...)

• 19/08: ~ 68 — 20/08: ~ 96 — 21/08: ~ 84
• 22/08: ~ 96

i dont even know

• 23/08: ~ 90 — 24/08: ~ 106
• 25/08: ~ 138

i rarely feel at edge anymore. as expected the meds help with my anxiety but don't help with the problem itself. i just keep doing routines but without the dreading anxiety that used to come with them

• 26/08: ~ 82 — 27/08: ~ 88 — 28/08: ~ 118 — 29/08: ~ 104 — 30/08: ~ 122 — 31/08: ~ 86

SEPTEMBER

• 01/09: ~ 132
• 02/09: ~ 134

things are sooo... i think i should stop counting this

• 03/09: ~ 142
• 04/09: 84
• 05/09: ~ 100
• 06/09: 82
• 07/09: ~ 98
• 08/09: ~ 154

arghhhj

• 09/09: ~ 168

woke up at like 4am and was already triggered by something

• 10/09: 130
• 11/09: ~ 158

i need to calm down

• 12/09: ~ 104
• 13/09: ~ 110
• 14/09: ~ 114
• 15/09: ~ 102
• 16/09: 138

pqp

• 17/09: 134
• 18/09: 114
• 19/09: 108
• 20/09: ~ 106
• 21/09: ~ 106
• 22/09: ~ 176

idk

• 23/09: ~ 148

:/

• 24/09: 142

girl.... help

• 25/09: 142
• 26/09: 164

i will really try to control myself tomorrow. the problem is that if it starts getting bad from the beggining i give up on controlling it for the rest of the day.

• 27/09: ~ 120
• 28/09: ~ 120
• 29/09: 128
• 30/09: ~ 170

i was doing good and then i wasnt

OCTOBER

• 01/10: ~ 158

it's always something

• 02/10: ~ 146
• 03/10: ~ 92
• 04/10: ~ 150
• 05/10: ~ 158
• 06/10: 154
• 07/10: 168
• 08/10: 146

i might have a problem

• 09/10: 118
• 10/10: ~ 104
• 11/10: 116
• 12/10: 122
• 13/10: 164

IM INSANEEEEE

• 14/10: ~ 154
• 15/10: ~ 132
• 16/10: 136

and i wasnt even at home for almost the whole day so idk what happened

• 17/10: 116
• 18/10: 130
• 19/10: ~ 130
• 20/10: ~ 102
• 21/10: ~ 120
• 22/10: 154
• 23/10: 102
• 24/10: 126
• 25/10: 106
• 26/10: 164
• 27/10: ~ 128
• 28/10: ~ 122
• 29/10: 116
• 30/10: ~ 142
• 31/10: 92

NOVEMBER

• 01/11: ~ 108
• 02/11: 188

god im your weakest soldier

• 03/11: 106
• 04/11: 108
• 05/11: 136
• 06/11: ~ 120
• 07/11: perdi a conta
• 08/11: nao contei (perigo)
• 09/11: 204

i dont want to talk about it

• 10/11: ~ 156

theres always SOMETHING. i was triggered today

• 11/11: ~ 162

suspeita de covid

• 12/11: ~ 190
• 13/11: ~ 170
• 14/11: ~ 168
• 15/11: ~ 168
• 16/11: 130
• 17/11: ~ 206

to com covid

• 18/11: ~ 176
• 19/11: ~ 148
• 20/11: ~ 210

i NEED to get better

• 21/11: ~ 178
• 22/11: ~ 276

calmaeee

• 23/11: ~ 272

mosca me gatilha muito.

• 24/11: ~ 220

i cant seem to stop

• 25/11: ~ 122
• 26/11: 192
• 27/11: ~ 172
• 28/11: ~ 190
• 29/11: ~ 176
• 30/11: ~ 164

DECEMBER:

• 01/12: ~ 200
• 02/12: ~ 172
• 03/12: 162
• 04/12: 140
• 05/12: 158
• 06/12: 122
• 07/12: ~ 160
• 08/12: ~ 118
• 09/12: ~ 128
• 10/12: ~ 312

some things are triggering me. i dont really know what

• 11/12: ~ 186
• 12/12: ~ 122
• 13/12: ~ 116

arrumei meu armario depois de 2 anos (nao precisava lavar a mao mais de 100 vezes ANTES do almoço mas..)

• 14/12: ~ 190
• 15/12: ~ 122
• 16/12: ~ 112
• 17/12: ~ 134
• 18/12: ~ 120
• 19/12: ~ 96

an ok day. i should get better

• 20/12: ~ 152
• 21/12: ~ 148
• 22/12: ~ 160
• 23/12: ~ 182
• 24/12: ~ 120
• 25/12: n contei direito
• 26/12: 126

mona o sabonete ta acabando manera aihhh ..

• 27/12: 110
• 28/12: 92
• 29/12: 140
• 30/12: 132
• 31/12: ~ 163