how many times did i wash my hands? here we go again...

january

• 01/01: ~ 110
• 02/01: 136
• 03/01: 100

it still seems like a bad day but it wasn't that bad. i could control my thoughts more. i have to start somewhere because it was starting to feel convenient to wash my hands that many times. i don't need to do it !!! it was just bad after showering but otherwise i only washed my hands 2/4 times in a row.

• 04/01: ~ 106
• 05/01: ~ 88
• 06/01: ~ 80

18 antes do banho

• 07/01: ~ 152

something triggering always happens (yeah today turned out to be a bad day)

• 08/01: ~ 92
• 09/01: ~ 84
• 10/01: 126
• 11/01: ~ 96
• 12/01: 148

bad day

• 13/01: ~ 174
• 14/01: 132
• 15/01: 152
• 16/01: 192

yeah its bad again only bc i thought it was getting better

• 17/01: ~ 150

amanha sem falta eu melhoro

• 18/01: ~ 226

i got kinda triggered today

• 19/01: ~ 278

also got triggered. i have a problem

• 20/01: ~ 182

got triggered

• 21/01: ~ 222
• ..
• 22/01: ~ 290
• __23/01:_ 302
• 24/01: ~ 110
• 25/01: 148
• 26/01: 218
• 27/01: 246
• 28/01: ~ 284
• 29/01: 242

monaaaa pelo amor de deus

• 30/01: 204
• 31/01: 146

february

• 01/02: 112
• 02/02: 112
• 03/02: 132
• 04/02: 134
• 05/02: 158
• 06/02: 202

bad day

• 07/02: 158
• 08/02: 116
• 09/02: 202

it started bad

• 10/02: 132
• 11/02: 210

got triggered bc the shower curtain touched my feet

• 12/02: ~ 206
• 13/02: 168
• 14/02: ~ 124
• 15/02: ~ 144
• 16/02: 222

got triggered

• 17/02: 202
• 18/02: ~ 154
• 19/02: ~ 150
• 20/02: 168
• 21/02: 156
• 22/02: 90

kind of a good day but i still should control it better

• 23/02: 140
• 24/02: 118
• 25/02: 208
• 26/02: 128
• 27/02: 112
• 28/02: 164

got triggered at the end of the day

march

• 01/03: 152
• 02/03: 124
• 03/03: 130
• 04/03: 88
• 05/03: ~ 146
• 06/03: 138
• 07/03: 174
• 08/03: 148
• 09/03: 98
• 10/03: 132
• 11/03: 98
• 12/03: ~ 76
• 13/03: 118
• 14/03: ~ 216
• 15/03: ~ 180
• 16/03: 164
• 17/03: ~ 142
• 18/03: 194

was already triggered since yesterday so...

• 19/03: 176

i knew the cockroach i saw yesterday was going to trigger me... and i did woke up triggered. so it was only downhill from there... it's been a while since i felt like i wasn't going to be able to get out of the shower because i still didn't feel clean enough. i got super triggered today. i think i also feel anxious because i'm having trouble sitting still and i'm having the urge to get up and wash my hands again even if i already washed them an enormous amount just a few minutes ago. this is so frustrating. i thought i was past this. i'm literally having the urge to CLEAN the bathroom. but i know i would be so triggered because i know the bathroom is already dirty... like i think i could only clean the bathroom if i did it constantly and i knew it wasn't that dirty when i got to clean it again... idk if this makes sense but i have trouble cleaning really dirty things. even if they aren't exactly thaaaat dirty but it only takes me thinking that it is. i have to buy some gloves.

• 20/03: 154
• 21/03: 142
• 22/03: 138
• 23/03: ~ 112
• 24/03: 134
• 25/03: 184
• 26/03: ~ 162
• 27/03: 102
• 28/03: 136
• 29/03: ~ 114
• 30/03: 138
• 31/03: 158

april

• 01/04: ~ 106
• 02/04: 148
• 03/04: ~ 104
• 04/04: 106
• 05/04: 132
• 06/04: 150
• 07/04: 172
• 08/04: ~ 160

12 antes do banho. +90 depois.

• 09/04: 164
• 10/04: 98
• 11/04: 98
• 12/04: 102
• 13/04: ~ 100
• 14/04: 122
• 15/04: 104
• 16/04: 112
• 17/04: 132
• 18/04: ~ 136
• 19/04: ~ 112
• 20/04: 86
• 21/04: 96
• 22/04: ~ 100
• 23/04: 102
• 24/04: ~ 80
• 25/04: ~ 104
• 26/04: ~ 182

washed too many times..

• 27/04: 146

got triggered at some point

• 28/04: 134
• 29/04: 140
• 30/04: 138

may

• 01/05: ~ 102
• 02/05: 110
• 03/05: ~ 142
• 04/05: 132
• 05/05: ~ 116
• 06/05: 112
• 07/05: ~ 194

got triggered. ok i actually got SUPER triggered by my fear of rabies. got super anxious and felt a little paralized because i felt like if i moved or recognized my existence i would break down.

• 08/05: ~ 162

the day after something triggers me is always terrible because it starts bad. yesterday i had an anxiety attack because of thoughts of contamination so today i already got up feeling anxious.

• 09/05: 126
• 10/05: 104
• 11/05: ~ 74
• 12/05: ~ 126
• 13/05: ~ 78
• 14/05: ~ 90
• 15/05: ~ 64
• 16/05: 118
• 17/05: 102
• 18/05: 74
• 19/05: 124

got super triggered before bed

• 20/05: ~ 112
• 21/05: ~ 140
• 22/05: 96

got triggered at the end of the day

• 23/05: 146
• 24/05: ~ 92
• 25/05: ~ 102
• 26/05: ~ 94
• 27/05: ~ 84
• 28/05: ~ 116
• 29/05: 102
• 30/05: ~ 110
• 31/05: ~ 108

june

• 01/06: 116
• 02/06: ~ 64
• 03/06: 96
• 04/06: ~ 100
• 05/06: ~ 88
• 06/06: ~ 98
• 07/06: 128

got a little triggered at the start of the day

• 08/06: 138

got triggered again

• 09/06: 130
• 10/06: 126
• 11/06: 140

got triggered. i have to stop

• 12/06: ~ 160
• 13/06: ~ 104
• 14/06: ~ 92
• 15/06: 132
• 16/06: 92
• 17/06: 82
• 18/06: ~ 104
• 19/06: 110
• 20/06: 94
• 21/06: ~ 120
• 22/06: 158

got really triggered. didnt even feel clean after taking a shower. i probably will only feel clean tomorrow lol. used hand sanitizer so many times i almost showered with it tbh

• 23/06: 98
• 24/06: 104

got triggered before bed

• 25/06: 126
• 26/06: 102
• 27/06: 112
• 28/06: 100
• 29/06: 124
• 30/06: ~ 114

july

• 01/07: 110
• 02/07: 130
• 03/07: ~ 104
• 04/07: 136
• 05/07: ~ 116
• 06/07: ~ 154
• 07/07: 80
• 08/07: 142

got triggered after the shower (washed my hands only 16 times before)

• 09/07: ~ 106

i have to control myself better

• 10/07: 130
• 11/07: ~ 140

i got really triggered today (i even washed my hair again even though i already washed it yesterday..). just because strangers touched me by accident but i think i was rightfully triggered because it was super weird and it startled me.

• 12/07: ~ 104
• 13/07: ~ 100
• 14/07: 134
• 15/07: 156

uma barata subiu no meu pe qnd fui tomar banho

• 16/07: ~ 114
• 17/07: 150

got triggered in the morning because i petted my dog :/

• 18/07: ~ 108
• 19/07: 130

there was no reason for this

• 20/07: ~ 84
• 21/07: 84
• 22/07: 104
• 23/07: 76

(44 before i went to bed). it was actually a pretty good day but then i dropped something on the floor before going to sleep

• 24/07: 152

uma barata subiu no meu pe no banho de novo. what is their problem

• 25/07: 104
• 26/07: ~ 126

the day didn't start well

• 27/07: 160

bad

• 28/07: 168

i got really triggered. it triggers me so much to touch things i'm not familiar with. i didn't even touch it directly with my hands but i felt its texture and because i didn't know what it was it just felt like a gross-looking unknown thing that could bring me inumerous diseases. the bathroom curtain fell and it felt like the whole bathroom became dirty. i'm triggered i'm triggered i'm triggered.

• 29/07: 90
• 30/07: 136

not a good day.

• 31/07: 160

had a reason i guess. it was not caused by anxiety i think (and then later i got triggered for real lol)

august

• 01/08: 256

a bad start (that ended worse). like girl help

• 02/08: ~ 170

bad day after bad day

• 03/08: 118
• 04/08: 138
• 05/08: ~ 120

im tired

• 06/08: ~ 202

a REALLY bad start (because i cleaned some stuff and touched some things i'm not used to touch like the band-aid box). 84 times as soon as i got up from bed. there is no saving me today but i hope tomorrow will be better.

• 07/08: ~ 184

complicadoh

• 08/08: ~ 160
• 09/08: 116
• 10/08: 96
• 11/08: 178

bad

• 12/08: ~ 122
• 13/08: 138
• 14/08: 106
• 15/08: ~ 168
• 16/08: ~ 162
• 17/08: 180

its getting bad again.. im making my hands bleed again..

• 18/08: 184

its just so hard to stop once i begin. also i got triggered later because i SAW a cockroach in the bathroom this is insane. it triggered me because i was going to shower and then she stopped on the corner and when i got out i saw her but when i got back to the bathroom she was gone so my brain starts thinking she could have gone anywhere you touched... god. feel like im going mad

• 19/08: 222

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

• 20/08: 144

terrible day. kinda had a reason to get triggered but it shouldnt be this bad... a couple of hand washes and it should be fine. but then i got triggered even in the shower (took longer than usual) bc i couldnt feel clean.

• 21/08: ~ 172
• 22/08: ~ 104
• 23/08: ~ 160
• 24/08: 160

socorro. i think tomorrow will be better

• 25/08: 104
• 26/08: 80

good day until now !! :) (it ended up actually being a good day i only washed my hands more at the end of the day but it was not out of anxiety)

• 27/08: 124

a little bad :/

• 28/08: 92
• 29/08: ~ 136

i get triggered whenever i see something unknown to me and that looks like a bug or something. especially when its in my room. especially when i clean it (even if i never use my hands directly for that. i cleaned it with a piece of paper towel). but i still feel like i contamined my hands. and everything i touch after :)

• 30/08: ~ 90
• 31/08: ~ 106

september

• 01/09: ~ 140
• 02/09: ~ 168

a cockroach entered my room and i had to kill it. i felt like my feet were dirty after. felt the need to take another shower and i didn't even touch it.

• 03/09: 96
• 04/09: 122
• 05/09: 98

it was perfect before i took a shower but then at night i had to touch some things i dont usually touch (my dads computer bc the stereo was making a sound and i tried to turn it off) and then i washed my hands a lot more than i was going to

• 06/09: 100
• 07/09: ~ 146
• 08/09: ~ 140
• 09/09: 94
• 10/09: ~ 320

limpei meu armario. achei uma areia q nao sei de onde veio e provavelmente foi de algum bicho. got triggered. lavei +100 antes do almoço. aproveitei pra terminar de limpar o armario inteiro ja q o destino de hoje foi esse... SEND HELP !!!

• 11/09: 144
• 12/09: ~ 108
• 13/09: ~ 158
• 14/09: 176

it was a doomed day because i went to the bathroom 3 times (number 2 related)

• 15/09: 86

it could have been better but it was ok !!

• 16/09: ~ 106
• 17/09: ~ 96
• 18/09: ~ 164

i got triggered today

• 19/09: ~ 180

:T

• 20/09: ~ 120
• 21/09: 206

bad day for some reason. it just started bad. bad stard and reaaaaally bad end (kinda justified tho bc i went to the bathroom 3 times)

• 22/09: ~ 84
• 23/09: ~ 174

got triggered bc i got my feet dirty when i stepped on melted ice cream

• 24/09: ~ 116
• 25/09: ~ 130

affs

• 26/09: 112
• 27/09: 104
• 28/09: ~ 110
• 29/09: 80
• 30/09: ~ 186

touched the inside of the trashcan = game over

september

• 01/10: ~ 168

continuation of a bad day

• 02/10: ~ 146
• 03/10: 142

got triggered

• 04/10: 134

got triggered.. again..

• 05/10: ~ 122

started good

• 06/10: ~ 122
• 07/10: ~ 136

touched a lot of things

• 08/10: ~ 106
• 09/10: 128
• 10/10: 144
• 11/10: 150

got triggered. i kinda wanna wash my own clothes now. like in hand

• 12/10: 216

a bad day from the start. nothing could save this day honestly i just gave up

• 13/10: 154
• 14/10: 114
• 15/10: ~ 104
• 16/10: ~ 130
• 17/10: 128
• 18/10: ~ 146
• 19/10: ~ 192

absolutamente terrivel pq mexi em mtas coisas arrumando a mala .

• 20/10: não contei
• 21/10: não contei
• 22/10: não contei
• 23/10: 72

before bed i only washed my hands 40 times so it was actually a good day. i was controlling myself because i didnt wash my hands that many times on the trip (bc it would be impossible) and i thought i shouldnt wash my hands that much at home when i know everything is basically clean. the problem is that when i'm at home i keep thinking i will contaminate my surroundings and my safe space (my room. my bed. the chair i sit on all day). so it's still kind of hard to control myself here. when i'm outside i already don't feel safe so i don't feel the urge to keep things clean. i should work on that.

• 24/10: ~ 80
• 25/10: 74
• 26/10: 102
• 27/10: 130

could be better

• 28/10: 92
• 29/10: ~ 126
• 30/10: 104
• 31/10: ~ 84

november:

• 01/11: 86

could be better and it would be better if i didn't fall and hurt my knees. so the process of taking care of it naturally triggered me a little.

• 02/11: 106
• 03/11: 144

i think it will only get better again once my knee heals

• 04/11: 104
• 05/11: ~ 116
• 06/11: 122

bad

• 07/11: ~ 138

started bad too

• 08/11: ~ 130
• 09/11: ~ 112
• 10/11: ~ 142
• 11/11: 124
• 12/11: ~ 148

bad

• 13/11: ~ 162

terrible

• 14/11: ~ 236

bad bc i touched some stuff. had to plug the fan again and changed the cheets. got so triggered at night i felt the need to wash my legs again (i was already clean from the bath a few hours earlier). and then i didnt feel them clean enough so i felt the need to use soap on them this time. i changed my cheets so i wanted to be super clean on the first day of using day. this is insane.

• 15/11: ~ 120
• 16/11: 92
• 17/11: ~ +100
• 18/11: ~ 174
• 19/11: 102
• 20/11: 120
• 21/11: ~ 148

bad but i went outside twice

• 22/11: ~ 206

got triggered

• 23/11: 102
• 24/11: ~ 124
• 25/11: ~ 170

bad

• 26/11: 174

terrible

• 27/11: ~ 122
• 28/11: 118
• 29/11: 64
• 30/11: ~ 102

december

• 01/12: 138

got a little triggered

• 02/12: ~ 156

affs (not necessarily bad but i still lost control over it). edit: i got actually triggered later

• 03/12: 226

terrible. touched and cleaned a lot of stuff. i should probably just wear gloves when i clean something already.

• 04/12: 164
• 05/12: 216

>:( i have to stop being so insane

• 06/12: ~ 110
• 07/12: 156

aaaaaa

• 08/12: ~ 174
• 09/12: ~ 162
• 10/12: 126
• 11/12: 140
• 12/12: ~ 146
• 13/12: 120

could be so much better

• 14/12: 138
• 15/12: 132

got really triggered in the shower :/ washed it 92 times during/after

• 16/12: ~ 120
• 17/12: 192

:/

• 18/12: 130
• 19/12: ~ 148

it was ok but then a fly entered my room and i had to take it out. swept my floor and felt my feet dirty ughhhh

• 20/12: 134
• 21/12: ~ 108
• 22/12: ~ 118
• 23/12: ~ 120

could be good but it eventually started to get bad

• 24/12: ~ 142
• 25/12: 126
• 26/12: 144
• 27/12: ~ 114
• 28/12: ~ 80
• 29/12: ~ 80
• 30/12: 158
• 31/12: 144