— things that keep me sane

• arts, aesthetics, literature and music
• anything japanese— music, anime, manga, food, etc.
• to-dos and planning things (and actually accomplishing them)
• literally, my daily meds

— people

• who likes the same interests
• open-minded individuals
• who are considerate and caring

— others

• cats and animals, in general

• friday night rest/unwind time
• work suspensions and holidays
• sleeping
• funny memes
• being with family
• getting those thoughts perfectly composed into words
• having my alone time
• eating good food, trying out drinks
• when someone remembers me through a song, a quote or whatever
• faster commute time
• knowing that i have savings no matter how small it is
• checking an item in a list
• quiet day-off mornings with a cup of hot drink
• wearing my favourite pieces of clothing (and not end up looking like shit)
• having milktea breaks
• cold weather

• serendipitous meetings
• knowing what the other person is thinking without the need for him to say it
• mutual feelings in a certain situation without the both of you knowing this at that time
• saying liberated/vulgar things without the need to say sorry to your friend
• getting what you exactly wished for
• planning things and perfectly accomplishing them the way that you want them to happen

— little accomplishments

• endured impacted tooth operation 01
• endured impacted tooth operation 02 (which is a bit painful compared to the first)
• joined a mini-drawing contest in school
• graduated cum laude
• matured, a bit. (but still childish in a lot of ways)
• passed that freakin hard pre-employment exam.
• won a thousand bucks from that open house drawing contest. not bad
• not a bum anymore
• passed jlpt N4
• got hired as a a civil servant (not a nepo-baby + 0 backers is something i think i should be proud of)
• joined an amateur art exhibit at work

— don't like

• attending parties and team buildings
• public speaking
• waking up early
• being surrounded by a lot of people
• application forms
• sunny weather after a rain scent
• rainy weather while outdoor
• waiting for a long response regarding something urgent
• telephone calls
• wearing girly clothes when not in the mood
• discontinued plans
• dishonesty
• long queues

— people

• disrespectful people (esp those whose respect are based only on social/economic status of a person)

• altruism
• the struggle with saying "NO" without the guilty feeling
• a huge weight-gain when i reached 34 and i keep on getting fatter every month
• my poor social skills
• the habit of baby-talking (the purpose is not to look cute but it is sort of a result from either being comfortable or extremely shy/embarrassed)
• treating non-living things as if they are alive and have the ability to feel pain
• laziness to do chores; i would love to cook everyday but i hate washing dishes
• accepting the bare minimum from people
• not pursuing my nihongo studies after jlpt (and now i find it difficult to continue but i'm trying my best to self-study)
• staying in a mediocre career for years
• being shy and conscious in photos that i always end up looking stupid

• While I, as a normal person, has my own material wishlist, I realized that I don't really care much about luxuries
  • I prefer cheap or mid-priced things than expensive, branded ones
  • If there's no pressure to look better for my partner, I won't probably buy clothes bec it was never a priority. I would wish to keep only a few good clothes than collect a lot
  • I prefer splurging on food
• I love my bed, being in bed and being unconscious. I wish I can do a lot of things to unwind but I always end up sleeping.
• This age makes me feel more depressed as I worry about parents' and loved ones' health. A lot of people my age are dealing with loss and the fear of the inevitable death has been bothering me almost everyday

Work eats people. No-- it devours. It feels like we don't live life for ourselves entirely. We live life for work and work sucks the life out of humans. We are even surrounded with colleagues most of the time than the people we care for. We spend too much time at work as if we are irreplaceable and we even choose work over our loved ones' requests. The unused leaves, some weekends that were supposed to be enjoyed without distractions, rest times while thinking of work -- all of these are wasted opportunities to live life to the fullest.

I don't want to live that way but telling people this, I will sound like a carefree loser. I am not. I worry about my future. I worry about career. But I also worry about dying with regrets. I worry about wasted time. Our colleagues are not our family. Life shouldn't only be about work.