What a year. Hope, big plans (I applied for ADBK and IA Intensiv but was disappointed; moving in with C. turned out to be much harder than I thought) I almost bought a house Now I'm left with nothing

• In January it was frosty and cold. We went on a long walk through the woods on the first day of the year (and I got to take a few selfies with my cuties Mara and C). We went to Würzburg for Claude's birthday party. I felt a little left out and played the piano with Georg. C. and I had a really good time together (and brought lots of healthy snacks for the train ride - our low carb experiment). I went back to the free school in Glonn to take part in a few lessons but I decided that teaching there is not for me. In Leipzig, I met Franzi and Marie and shared a room with Anja. It was nice to get to know her better and see her all weird and vulnerable. The first part of my Gestalt Therapy training ended. Later that month, I went back to the psychosomatic clinic in Seebruck. I overstepped a boundary with S. by using the Gestalt approach on him. I also met a new therapist who basically told me nothing is wrong with me but I'm hiding my essence, my fragile self, very well. I was quite active: Nordic Walking, Pilates, Yoga, strength training... I even started boxing (which is a lot of fun but horrible for my shoulder injury). I painted an unexpected family portrait and a body map (I gave art therapy a second chance and really vibed with the therapist).
• In February I hung out with Maria a lot and tried to be my most helpful, inspiring, authentic self. On Valentine's Day, I hit a deer on my way home from dinner at a Korean restaurant with C. and L. (and my therapist said it might be karmic enmeshment). Back home, I was one of the dudes when C. had some guy friends over. I finally bought an e-bike and spent a co-creative weekend with a few guys from the WeSpace/JOC crowd.
• In March I sold a bunch of stuff like furniture and an old bike. I was motivated by the nearing spring, the return of the light. I had lots of ideas, plans, and I organized/decluttered a lot. I also attended the Inanna Gestalt-seminar and met a few interesting people. I spent lots of time at C.'s place, in the forest, making art and journalling. I also had a lovely day out in Munich with Lena and Sash.
• In April I started hypnotherapy and practised my Spanish (because we started planning a trip to Gran Canaria). C. and I went to Scotland and had a great time at Celtic Burn. C. told me he loved me. In person and in writing. I got my first pair of noise-cancelling headphones and was finally able to relax a little. Towards the end of the month, I returned to Hridaya for Yoga Module 2.
• In May I had to come to terms with the "same same but different" feeling I had at Hridaya. Not much had changed but the vibe was still so different. I came home for my birthday and had a lovely strawberry picnic party in C.'s garden with lots of cosy carpets and pillows under a canopy of golden stars. Most of my friends were there and I made Bánh Mì sandwiches for everyone. Then I went to Gran Canaria and everything kinda went wrong. C. couldn't come, M. missed his flight, the real estate agent ghosted us... so I spent a few days roadtripping with Ludo. Weird, beautiful, depressing, interesting, all at the same time. / My balcony was gorgeous in May (I got a footrest that looked like a little sheep from Maisons du Monde, a carpet made from natural fibers, and a braided tray; and of course I had a lot of beautiful new plants and set up my old folding chair I used to have at my grandma's house). I prepared my portfolio for my application to the art academy. I had my teeth bleached professionally for the first time.
• In June it was time to prepare our Wetten Dass...? cabaret for Munich Micro Burn. I had a beautiful burn with cloudy playtime, Space Girl pearls in my face, conversations with Gregor. I planted the most gorgeous flowers and bushes in C.'s garden. It looked like a page from a garden catalogue. Even the hummingbird moths showed up and admired the blooming glory. It was finally summer: jumpsuits, swimming, beer gardens, bike tours after dinner, summer solstice. I went to my first house viewing and to the flea market. At the end of the month, I fell in love with Lila, the chonky cat at Höllbachhof where I attended the Family Circles Gestalt seminar. On our last night we jumped into the muddy creek naked; wild and free.
• In July we saw Heilung play at Tollwood (in full costume). More summer activities: swimming to the lake island with Sofia, jumping on the big trampoline. I went to Berlin for my first Emily Hunt masterclass: Drawing Down the Moon. I was super inspired by all the weird magical art, learned about metal clay (and even booked a private class with Isabella later that month to learn about wax casting), and got to know a few fabulous ladies. I especially vibed with Lena from Austria and I still remember the fantastic double rainbow we saw during the day rave at Hamburger Bahnhof. I also met Féj and experimented with colourful eye make-up. Back home, I built a garden bench out of wooden pallets and brought my first pieces of furniture to C.'s apartment. I also set up the new closet. The process of moving in started. The month ended with a super rainy Iltis Burn (and I was so glad I was smart enough to bring Wellington boots).
• In August I was busy moving in, building little furniture solutions, decorating. C. spent a weekend away and we had a happy reunion. I had a beautiful Schönburn with C. and Ansgar. Afterwards I went to Vienna to spend some time with Yod (we got matching disco ball cups - The Dolly Partons). I was surrounded by lots of art and lovely Burners in Vienna. Back home, C.'s friends came over with their kids and we went camping at the edge of the forest. I sold my bed and my old bike and finally moved the rest of my belongings to Grafing with Tine's and C.'s help. Eventually I also attended an art therapy workshop in Gauting but decided not to study there.
• In September we all went to the Atlantic Coast in Portugal together: C., L., A. with his daughters. At the one hand it was super lovely and relaxed. I loved the lake on the property we rented. Water jump contests, full moon swimming, beautiful Praia da Amália and the food at the kiosko. On the other hand, it was super challenging to have the child around 24/7. At the end of the holiday, he was something like a red flag for me because I was so annoyed. Back home, I attended the Shadow Gestalt seminar where I met my new bestie Aljoscha. It was a really good group this time and I learned a lot about projections. I also met Maja in her art studio and decided to rent studio space from her! We had a night out with Yod and BaLu in Munich. And I found a few treasures at the local flea market.
• In October I found two new choirs I liked. I took part in a kart race and enjoyed rewatching The Crown. We went on one of the last bike tours of the year. I started moving more and went on long walks. I got into working with Janin and enjoyed our online Gestalt therapy sessions. I tried Rolfing and Shiatsu for the first time. We went on a little weekend getaway with all of our housemates. I picked the last apples of the year and made delicious apple cinnamon amaretto jam. I met Katharina for dinner and theatre. Joy of Connection (with great drawings at the art station). A local Human Design meet-up. Becky finally met C. We went to the circus and had dinner at a fancy restaurant. And then we went up north for Hamburn! I had a fabulous time and an eerie experience with talking light domes in the forest. I also met Jules and instantly vibed with him.
• In November I visited Aljoscha in Leverkusen and had a splendid time. I invited softness into my life (candles and fur blankets). I played with clay and painted ceramics with Margit. I made an advent calendar for L. and got all my Christmas shopping done early. I got more and more into strength training. I had a great video call with Franzi K. Then C. and I went to Vienna and stayed at Gaya's place (and discovered Ernst Fuchs' art!) before I headed off to Burn on the Rocks where I had a nice time making new friends (the Israeli crew) and spending quality time with my old ones (Luki, Féj, Mephy). After the burn, I flew to Berlin for the second masterclass: Mirror of Magic. I stayed at Lena's place and looked after her cat Mina. I had a really good time in Berlin but coming home after such a long time away was lovely.
• At the beginning of December I met a new therapist for Somatic Experiencing. I sang at a Christmas concert with one of my choirs. I was super excited about my first fine art auction! It felt really special to attend such a fancy event. I felt very christmassy and wore winter pyjamas, listened to holiday music and painted our windows with buttermilk. But then we went to Thailand. We had a lot of fun (The night train! Burmese food! Bangkok golf carts, MOCA, 7-elevens, cheap massages! Diving! A drag show with all the feels! The 10 course birthday dinner! Riding our scooters on the island!) but also fell into some sort of crisis mode because we were both rather annoyed with each other a lot of the time which made me really sad. But it got better once we were home and fell into a cozy Christmas mode. I got my very first Christmas tree and decorations in a lovely burnt orange (from the charity shop!). We baked cookies and watched a Chrismas movie together. Then we visited C.'s friends and family and had a quiet New Year's Eve with Tommy and Saskia staying over.

RELEASE - What did you let go of this year? //

body fat loneliness stress MÜSSEN trying to find myself in this liminal space ambitions hopes and dreams

ACCOMPLISHMENTS - What were you deeply proud of doing, making, being, etc. this year? What made you feel good? //

• Coping with rejection.
• Not giving up. Showing up during the hard times as well. Working on my relationship. Trying to make it work.

BREAKTHROUGHS - What were your biggest breakthroughs? This can be in any area: emotional, spiritual, career, etc. // Your worth is not defined by how much you do I need to learn how to relax, pressure off

HAPPINESS - What was the most fun you had this year? When were you really happy? //

LOVE - Who did you fall in love with this year? //

• Christian is still my anchor. The cute Chewbacca-sound-machine I wake up next to most mornings.
• My Burn crushes: Luki, forever and for always. Roy (dark, mysterious, intimidating). And Jules! I'd love to get to know him better. Such an interesting person.

LOSS - Who or what did you miss? //

• What I truly missed was a stimulating, creative work environment. Growth and learning. A regulated nervous system. Making art. Co-creation. Which is why I finally initiated my goodbye from working as a teacher. Now, at the end of the year, I'm still on sick leave (waiting for the right moment to hand over my notice of cancellation).
• Other than that, I kinda missed a close connection to my friends. I withdrew from social obligations a lot this year and felt a little disconnected. I craved alone or one on one time with C.
• And C. told me that he doesn't want any more children which made me feel very sad for a few days - unexpectedly. I wasn't sure anymore if the abortion last year was the right decision and if it means I missed my only chance of having a child.
• I also had a lot of anxiety-inducing dreams about my family.

PEOPLE - Did you meet anyone new? //

• Jens and Nani, their daughter Gretchen
• Burns: Eros Basstet Jules, the Celtics: Amariss, Ria, Roy, Nori, Beans
• Gestalt: Aljoscha!! Good shadow group (Katha, Jan, Matthi)
• Choir guys, Annett,

Physio guys: Axel, Vroni. Barbara Pilates, the yoga hippies. Got to know the housemates better.

TRAVEL - Did you travel? Where did you go? //

• Würzburg (Christian)
• Co-creative weekend near Frasdorf (Christian, Anna, Yeli and many more)
• Gestalt seminar "Der Weg der Inanna" near Wasserburg (alone)
• Scotland: Edinburgh, Glasgow, Celtic Burn (Christian)
• Lyon, Hridaya Module 2 (alone)
• Gran Canaria (Ludo, Tina)
• Gestalt seminar "Family Circles" near Regensburg (alone)
• Munich Micro Burn (Christian)
• Berlin, Drawing Down the Moon Masterclass (alone)
• Iltis Burn (Christian)
• Portugal (Christian, Lian, Ansgar)
• Gestalt seminar "Der Schatten" in OWS (alone)
• Vienna, Burn on the Rocks (Christian)
• Berlin, Mirror of Magic Masterclass (alone)
• Thailand, Bangkok and Koh Tao (Christian)

FASHION - What was your most beloved/favorite outfit? How would you describe your style this year? How did the way you dress change? // I enjoyed dressing up during the first half of the year. Lovely colour combinations, lots of jewellery and accessories. I usually wore a full face of make-up and nail polish. I even took outfit pictures regularly. I liked delicate lace bodies under chunky knits. Space buns. Bronzer, pink eye shadow. Loose green pants, my golden blouse, silky art teacher dad shirts. Lots of yellow, green and camel tones. Desigual tops and jackets. But when I stopped going to work in September, I mostly stopped doing my make-up and dressing up, too. Comfort was more important and I often wore the same clothes because I spent a lot of time at Christian's place and only had limited wardrobe choices. However, I kinda loved not having to worry about ill-fitting clothes and taking off my make-up in the evening.

MUSIC - What were some of your favorite records and songs? What song will always remind you of this year? What song lyrics reverberated with you? // I found two new choirs! A very small one with an Italian lady as our leader and a bigger one with Pauline in Kirchseeon. In December, we sang in a little Christmas concert at the local church. I was moved by the singer before us and I wore a sparkly golden sequin dress. I saw the musical Kinky Boots at Deutsches Theater with Margit and had to admit that I really love watching people being good at something they're passionate about. Best concert of the year: INIKO!! And I saw Heilung live in concert at Tollwood in summer with C., Ansgar, and Aylin. We even dressed up as scary vikings. And we saw SONNENGESANG, a weird medieval concert in a small church nearby.

Music that reminds me of the year 2025:

• Spotify Wrapped let me know that the genre I listened to most in 2025 was Drone. Apparently that's the label you'd use for all my favourite noise-cancelling playlists and albums like Laurel Halo's Atlas or Bohren & Der Club of Gore.
• Classical music hat its moment, too. I loved original soundtrack of the series The Crown. Michael Nyman's Drowning by Number 3. Schostakowitsch's Jazz Suite / Waltz No. 2.
• C.'s DJ alter ego, DISKO DER AUSSERIRDISCHE: Rick Dees and his Cast of Idiots - Disco Duck / Alex Troniq - Fluffernutter / Matanza, Nicola Cruz - Heidi / West Bound And Down by Jerry Reed and Bill Justis (Celtic Burn / little doses of cheerfulness throughout the year)
• Chappell Roan - Femininomenon / Doja Cat - AAAHH MEN! (Snow White's Schönburn set)
• Dota - Für die Sterne
• Lady Gaga - Always Remember Us This Way (alto karaoke in the car)
• Parameshwari Anandamayi - Abele's song at the Hridaya kirtan in May really moved me
• Chaka Demus & Pliers - Murder She Wrote (Tina's Iltis Burn bar playlists)
• Rua Tui - Attack of the Tui (my Shadow Mask performance) and Cosmo Sheldrake's Cuckoo Song
• Éric Serra - The Diva Dance (my first time watching The Fifth Element)
• Miami Sound Machine - Dr. Beat

CULTURE - What were the most interesting exhibitions you saw? Any creative workshops or theatre visits? //

Museums

• Museum 5 Kontinente, Munich
• Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum, Glasgow
• MAC, Lyon
• CAAM, Las Palmas de Gran Canaria
• Hamburger Bahnhof, Berlin
• mumok, Vienna
• Secession, Vienna
• MAK, Vienna
• Hundertwasserhaus, Vienna
• Ernst-Fuchs-Museum/Otto-Wagner-Villa, Vienna
• MOCA, Bangkok

political talk/comedy with Wolfgang M. Schmitt, Ole Nymoen and Jean-Philippe Kindler

Circus Roncalli / Cirque du Soleil Alizé

Bevor ich es vergesse at Kammerspiele

BOOKS - Your favourite books/stories/poems/plays. //

• Ottessa Moshfegh - My Year of Rest and Relaxation
• Martha Beck - The Way of Integrity
• T.C.Boyle - Outside Looking In
• Joshua Groß - Prana Extrem
• Franz Mittermair, Helga und Manfred Weule - Vom Künstler zum Heiler - Aus Leben und Werk von Paul Rebillot
• Chris Wooding - Alaizabel Cray (a re-read from my childhood)
• I rediscovered my love for Mareike Fallwickl and read all her new books: Liebe Jorinde: Warum wir einen neuen Feminismus des Miteinanders brauchen / Die Wut, die bleibt / Und alle so still / Das Pen!smuseum

MOVIES/TV - Your favourite films and TV shows of the year. //

• The Substance (2024)
• The Fifth Element (1997)
• Sirât (2025)
• Flow (2024)
• The Addams Family (1991) / Addams Family Values (1993)
• artist's biopics: Leonora in the Morning Light (2025) / Niki (2024)
• Not a lot of series this year: Dune Prophecy #1 (2024) / Wayward #1 (2025) / Toxic Tom #1 (2025) / and I really enjoyed rewatching all six seasons of The Crown together

MATERIALISM - Something you wished for and got (for yourself)? // studio lease Lots and lots of art supplies (a mild obsession with Sennelier oil pastels and Kuretake Gansai Tambi watercolours).

travel seminars burns

noise-cancelling headphones

Furniture (like the matching closet I ordered when I moved in with C.) Car repairs. Second hand clothing (Resales in Berlin almost gave me a reward for spending 100€ there) and flea market treasures.

mounjaro my first christmas tree and balls