i'll give you the sun jandy nelson

• the invisible museum
  • when people fall in love, they burst into flames.
  • (self portrait the boy hiding inside the boy hiding inside the boy.)
  • instead, i think about today. how i went from painting to painting asking each to eat me and each did. how my skin fit the whole time, didn't once bunch up at my ankles or squeeze my head into a pin.
  • (portrait: jude braiding boy after boy into her hair.)
  • it's never occured to me that the stars are still up there shining even in the daytime when we can't see them.
  • his soul might be a sun. i've never met anyone who had the sun for a soul.
  • i've never felt this relaxed in my life. i keep forgetting my body and then have to go back and get it.
  • (portrait, self portrait: the two bys breaking out of the two boys)
  • (self potrait: keep out)
  • "it's like this. there are all these planets that get ejected from the planetary systems that they first belonged in and they just wander on their own through deep space, going their lonely way across the universe without a sun, you know, forever..."
  • (portrait: the boy with all the keys in the world with all the locks)
  • "are you orderly, picasso? that's what i said. there's no peace to disturb."
  • i would give all ten fingers. i would give anything.
  • (self-portrait: boy rowing madly back through time)
  • (self-portrait: boy remakes the world before world remakes boy)
  • ... her own private sunbeam enclosing her while the rest of us grip the walls and furniture so we don't wash away.
  • (self-portrait: drinking the dark out of my own cupped hands)
  • (self-portrait: do not disturb)
  • (self-portrait: untitled)
  • "i feel like i'm undercover" "me too. or maybe a person is just made up of a lot of people."
  • love does as it undoes. it goes after, with equal tenacity: joy and heartbreak.
• the history of luck
  • "if you're in need of divine help, open a jar in a place of worship and close it upon leaving"
  • i had to imagine myself walking in the woods and tell her what i saw. i saw woods. but then, a house appeared, only there was no way to get in. no doors or windows. major heebie-jeebies. she told me the house was me. guilt is a prison, she said.
  • this is what i want: i want to grab my brother's hand and run back through time, losing years like coats falling from your shoulders. things don't really turn out like you think.
  • "to reverse destiny, stand in a field with a knife pointed in the direction of the wind"
  • "the right-handed twin tells the truth, the left-handed twin tells lies" (noah and i are both left-handed)
  • ... until it's not clear if he's making the sculpture or if the sculpture is making him.
  • "tears of mourning should be collected and then injested to heal the soul"
  • "if bad luck knows who you are, become soneone else"
  • "'if you're going through hell, keep going.' understand, oscore?" morning, noon and night he said this to me: 'if you're going through hell, keep going', so i did. i kept going and going.
  • everyone in your family is evry powerful. your brother and you divide the world between you. your mother come back to life to break your bowls.
  • "i tought you didn't believe in god." "you misunderstood. i believe in everything"
  • now i contradit myself. picasso he do too. he says pullout of your brain, yes, he also say, "painting is a blind man's profession", and "to draw you must close your eyes and sing". and michelangelo, he say he sculpts with his brains, not his eyes. yes. everything is true at once. life is contradiction. we take every lesson. we find what works.
  • a broken heart is an open heart
  • "how do i love thee? let me count the ways"
    • comment: the best part is that i started reading subliminal just after finishing i'll give you the sun and leonard mentions this poem at the beggining of the book.
  • meeting your soul mate is like walking into a house you've been in before - you will recognize the forniture, the pictures on the wall, the books on the shelves, the content of drawers: you could find your way into the dark if you had to"
  • write your sins on apples still hanging on the tree; when they fall away so do your burdens
  • no way to get out or in she said. but she was wrong, because: walls fall down.
  • "to reverse the leaning of the heart. anscient family wisdom." "ah, very good. in my family, we just suffer."
  • they do make love stories for girls with black hearts after all. they go like this.
  • if only the heart listen to reason, right? come on, what is bad for the heart is good for art. the terrible irony of our lives as artists.
  • "of course, why not? even god, he have to make the world twice. he make the first world, decide it is a very terrible world he made, so he destroy with the flood. then he try again, start it all over with-" "-with noah." "yes, so if god can have two tries, why not us? or three or three hundred times."
  • "i gave up pratically the whole world for you. the sun, stars, ocean, trees, everything. i gave it all up for you."
  • he kisses me slowly, tenderly, so that my heart cracks open, so that all those moments on the beach from that horrid, horrid day wash away, so that, just like that, the boycott comes to an end.
  • i don't know i i want a split-apart. i think i need my own soul.
  • he's (father) a man of science and the unsolvable problem is sol ved. things finally make sense. and snse to dad is everything.
  • i remember guillermo saying the cracks and breaks were the best and most ineresting part of the work in my portfolio. perhaps it's the same with people and their cracks and breaks.
  • quick, make a wish. take a (second or third or fourth) chance. remake the world.

frankenstein mary shelley

• nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.
• life, although it may only be an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and i will defend it.

demian herman hesse

• eu te assustei... tu tentaste fugir. existem, pois, coisas e pessoas a quem tens medo. por que será isso? de um modo geral, não se deve temer a ninguém. quando temos medo a alguém é porque demos a esse alguém algum poder sobre nós.
• hoje sei muito bem que nada na vida repugna tanto ao homem do que seguir pelo caminho que o conduz a si mesmo.
• "sei o que vais dizer-me. sempre tropeçamos com isso. mas ouve-me ainda um momento: este é um dos pontos em que se vê mais claramente os defeitos da religião. esse deus da antiga e da nova aliança é, antes de tudo, uma figura extraordinária, mas não o que realmente deveria ser. representa o bom, o nobre, o paternal, o belo e também o elevado e o sentimental... está bem! mas o mundo se compõe também de outras coisas. e todas essas coisas são simplesmente atribuídas ao diabo; toda essa parte do mundo, toda essa outra metade é encoberta e silenciada. glorifica-se a deus como o pai de toda a vida, ao mesmo tempo em que se oculta e se silencia a vida sexual, fonte e substrato da própria vida, declarando-a pecado e obra do demônio. não faço a menos objeção a que se adore esse deus jeová. mas creio que devemos adorar e santificar o mundo inteiro em sua plenitude total e não apenas essa metade oficial, artificialmente dissociada. portanto, ao lado do oculto de deus deveríamos celebrar o oculto do demônio. isto seria o certo. ou mesmo criar um deus que se integrasse em si também o demônio e diante do qual não tivéssemos que cerrar os olhos para não ver as coisas mais naturais do mundo."
• "agora, por exemplo, levas contigo, há já quase um ano, um instinto mais forte do que todos os demais e que se rotula como "proibido". no entanto, os gregos e muitos outros povos fizeram desse mesmo instinto uma divindade à qual rendiam culto em grandes festas. o "proibido" não é, pois, eterno, e sim sujeito a mudanças. da mesma forma, hoje qualquer um pode deitar-se licitamente com uma mulher, desde que a tenha levado antes à presença de um sacerdote e se tenha casado com ela. mas há outros povos entre os quais se procede diferentemente. por isso, cada um de nós tem que encontrar por si mesmo o "permitido" e o "proibido" relativamente à sua própria pessoa... o que é proibido a cada um de nós. podemos deixar de fazer tudo o que for proibido e sermos, a despeito disso, um ressumado patife. e vice-versa. em suma, tudo não passa de uma questão de comodidade! aquele que acha mais cômodo não ter que pensar por si mesmo e ser seu próprio juiz acaba por submeter-se às proibições vigentes. acha isso mais simples. mas há outros que sentem em si mesmos sua própria lei, e consideram proibidas certas coisas que os homens de bem perpetram a todo instante e permitem outras sobre as quais recai uma geral interdição. cada qual tem que responder por si mesmo."
• quando alguém encontra algo de que verdadeiramente necessita, não é o acaso que tal proporciona, mas a própria pessoa; seu próprio desejo e sua própria necessidade o conduzem a isso.
• sempre achamos que são demasiadamente estreitos os limites de nossa personalidade. atribuímos à nossa pessoa somente aquilo que distinguimos como individual e divergente. mas cada um de nós é um ser total do mundo, e da mesma forma como o corpo integra toda a trajetória da evolução, remontando ao peixe e como a antes, levamos em nossa alma tudo o quanto desde o princípio está vivendo na alma dos homens. todos os deuses e todos os demônios que já existiram, quer entre os gregos, os chineses ou os cafres, todos estão conosco, todos estão presentes, como possibilidades, desejos ou caminhos. se toda a humanidade perecesse, com exceção de uma só criança medianamente dotada, esse menino sobrevivente tornaria a encontrar o curso das coisas e poderia criar tudo de novo: deuses, demônios e paraísos, mandamentos e proibições, antigos e novos testamentos.
• não creio que se possam considerar homens todos esses bípedes que caminham pelas ruas, simplesmente porque andam eretos ou levem nove meses para vir à luz. sabes muito bem que muitos deles não passam de peixes ou de ovelhas, vermes ou sanguessugas, formigas ou vespas. todos eles revelam possibilidades de chegar a ser homens, mas só quando vislumbram e aprendem a levá-las em parte à sua consciência é que se pode dizer que possuem uma...
• quando odiamos um homem, odiamos em sua imagem algo que trazemos a nós mesmos.
• não somos uns porcos, como disseste. somos homens. criamos deuses e lutamos com eles e eles nos abençoam.
• eu não existia para fazer versos, para rezar ou para pintar. nem eu nem nenhum homem existíamos para isso. tudo era secundário. o verdadeiro ofício de cada um era apenas chegar até si mesmo. depois, podia acabar poeta ou louco, profeta ou criminoso. isso já não era coisa sua, e além de tudo, em última instância, carecia de todo alcance. (...) tudo o mais era ficar a meio caminho, era retroceder para refugiar-se no ideal da coletividade, era adaptação e medo da própria individualidade interior.
• esse mundo, tal como é hoje, quer morrer, quer aniquilar-se, e aniquilar-se-á.
• sempre difícil nascer. a ave tem de sofrer para sair do ovo, isso você já sabe.
• essas coisas devem ser consideradas sempre do ponto de vista biológico e evolutivo. quando as transformações da crosta terrestre arrojaram animais aquáticos à terra e animais terrestres ao mar, foram os espécimes dispostos a qualquer destino os que enfrentaram o novo e inaudito e puderam salvar sua espécie com novas adaptações.

the not easily conquered series dropdeaddream, whatarefears

• tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. (actually from ― thomas paine, the american crisis)
• i won't be in the history books; that's for you. but i loved you first. as long as they get that right, i don't care what they say.
• never really thought about the future. never really could think much past you. in that respect, your ma and i had something in common, god rest her soul. but neither of us, i don’t think, were ever meant for much. here’s the truth — baby, here’s the truth. i’ve got a rootless heart. i don’t think I’m meant for loving, or at least not anymore. and i should die out here. i’m the kind of guy who’s not meant to go back. i try to imagine a life after this and it just won’t come. so forget about me, will you? if it’ll make you happy. live glorious, eat like a king, laugh until the sun comes up, never look back. don’t you dare look back. more than anything i want to know that you kept on. more than anything i want to know that you took on the world — everything else seems to matter less and less.
• so how long have i loved you for? womb to tomb, sweetheart. since before i was even here at all.
• ave maria, gratia plena, get him out of this war, and if you’ve gotta take someone then take me, because i’ve got nothing real to go home to but he’s got a girl now and i can see the hope written all over his face when he sees her. sancta maria, mater dei, pray for us sinners, but don’t spend too much time on my immortal soul, because not even divine intervention can help me now. i know when to walk away from a fight and trying my damnedest not to need him was a losing battle.

deathless catherynne m. valente

• now the beets, volchitsa. and look at them first, how bloody they are, how crimson, how they leave trails behind them, like wounded things.
• she knew herself, how she had slowly, over years, become a cat, a wolf, a snake, anything but a girl. how she had wrung out her girlhood like a death.
• you will live as you live in any world. with difficulty, and grief.
• marya, for her part, wondered, as her teeth took cold from the wind, if there could ever be love without this running in the nighr, this fleeing, this hurtling into dark lands, without fear that someone, mother or father or husband, might reach out a sorrowful hand to pull her back.
• when i was young, it seemed far too sweet. i savored bitterness, the spice of those who have lived long enough and wildly. perhaps you, too, should learn to prefer it. after all, when all else is gone, still you may have it. now, even this candied syrup tastes bitter to my tongue.
• marya stood very still. she felt as though she were two women: one old and one young; one innocent and one knowing, strange, keen.
• why would the wolf worry about the safety of the sheep?
• if you want to kill yourself do not use us as your knife.
• together, father and daughter chose the meditations and quietude of the sky over the worries of the earth.
• then i weep so bitterly that horrible flowers grow from my tears.
• i am so tired. i am so finished with it all. how can i live in this? i want to be held by everyone i have loved and told that it is all forgiven, all done, all made well.

we are the ants shaun david hutchinson

• sometimes i think gravity may be death in disguise. other times i think gravity is love, which is why love's only demand is that we fall.
• as human beings, we're born believing that we are the apex of creation, that we are invincible, that no problem exists that we cannot solve. but we inevitably die with all our beliefs broken.
• "i didn't realize artists were so self-aware." "yeah, well, being self-aware only means that we know we're assholes."
• when the days are darkest, dear, you latch on to happines whenever you find it.
• i stood and walked to the water,let the waves run over my toes. if i dove in, maybe i could swim off the edge of the world.
• in the dark it was difficult to see where the ocean ended and the sky began; i could pretend the sky curved down and around, and that it was possible to walk on the clouds.
• "write what you know." "but i don't know anything." "oh, henry, don't you understand? you know everything."
• i wondered as i watched the stars, really seeing them for the first time, whether they could see me, too.
• the future destroys the past destroys the future.
• "who tore your skin off?" "i tore it off myself." "why?" "snakes get to shed their skin, why don't we?"
• the real diego was hanging on these walls, but i didn't know how to reconcile the images of agony and anger with the boy who'd tried to show me the stars and loved my mother's fried chicken and who'd screamed his name from the apex of the ferris wheel.
• the bruises were gone, but the memories persisted, specially when i closed my eyes.
• because the past isn't important. history is just a way of keeping score, but it doesn't have to be who we are.
• a supernova occurs when the gravitational force of a star's core becomes greater than the star's energy output. the core collapses in on itself, ejecting the outer layer in a display of light and energy greater than tha which the sun will produce over its entire lifetime.
• depression isn't a battle you win. it's a battle you fight every day. you never get to stop, never get to rest. it's one bloody fray after another.
• it seems silly to worry about the arbitrary moment some person long dead declared to be the end of one year and the beginning of another, as if our attempts to divide time into meaningful chunks actually mean anything. people wait for the countdown to tell them it's okay to believe in themselves again. they end each year with failure, but hope that when the clock strikes twelve, they can begin the new year with a clean slate. they tell themselves that this is the year things will happen, never realizing that things are always happening; they're just happening without them.
• as human beings, we seek meaning in everything. we're so good at discovering patterns that we see them where they don't exist. [...] we look for the same patterns in our lives to give them meaning. when someone says, "everything happens for a reason", they're trying to convince you there's a pattern to your life, and that if you pay close attention, it's possible to decipher it. [...] only, it wasn't fate. it wasn't destiny. and it certainly wasn't god. it was chance. a random series of events given meaning by someone desesperate to prove there's a design to our lives. that the minutes and hours between our birth and death are more than franctic moments of chaos. because if that's all they are - if there are no rules governing our lives - then our entire existence is a meaningless farce.
• [...] but i remember him telling me that memories are often amalgams of truth and fiction, sewn together in our heads by our subconscious to support our personal beliefs about the world.
• maybe the only way to start over is to tear everything apart. at least, that's what i told myself.
• an average-size human being jumping out of an airplane will reahc 99 percent of terminal velocity - approximately 122 miles per hour - within about fifteen seconds. if the body remains horizontal, the air resistance gives the illusion of floating. that's how i've felt since meeting diego. like i was floating. but i'd been falling the entire time.

mostly harmless douglas adams

• você veio atrás de um conselho, mas não consegue lidar com nada que não conheça.
• você não pode ver o que eu vejo porque vê o que você vê. não pode saber o que sei porque sabe o que você sabe. o que vejo e o que sei não podem ser acrescentados ao que você vê e ao que você sabe porque são coisas diferentes. também não podem substituir o que você vê e o que você sabe porque isso seria substituir você mesmo. [...] tudo o que você vê, ouve ou vivencia de qualquer jeito que seja é específico para você. você cria um universo ao percebê-lo, então tudo no universo que percebe é específico para você.