The precision model is a map of some of the most pernicious wrong turns in communication that people often take. The idea is to notice them and redirect them in a more specific direction. It provides us with the means to qualify people's distortions, deletions, and generalizations WHILE STILL MAINTAINING RAPPORT WITH THEM.

  • universals
    • words like ALWAYS and NEVER
    • shouldn't must can't
    • i feel depressed
      • why?
        • i always mess up
          • but do you ALWAYS?
    • your plan won't work
      • what specifically
    • too much, too many, too expensive
      • "Your seminar is too

expensive." When I respond, "Compared to what?" that person might say, "Well, compared to other seminars I've gone to." "How specifically is that seminar like mine?" "Well," he/she replies, "it really isn't." "That's interesting. What would happen if you felt my seminar was really worth the time and money?" His breathing pattern changes, and he/she smiles and says, "I don't know

  • ..I'd feel good, I guess."

"What specifically could I do to help you feel that way about my seminar now?" "Well, if you would spend more time on such and such a subject, I probably would feel good about it."

    • avoid words like good, bad, better
      • compared to what?
    • be wary of mind reading- i just know no one likes me, i just know he likes me, etc.
        • how do you know that?
  • what's wrong to > how do you want to change that? > what is the objective? > what do you want out of this
  • how questions over why questions


  • RAPPORT IS THE ABILITY TO ENTER SOMEONE ELSE'S WORLD, to make that person feel that you understand him/her, and that you have a common bond. It's the ability to go fully from your map of the world to his/her map of the world.
  • How do we create rapport? We do it by creating or discovering things in common. We call this process "mirroring" or "matching."
    • The most common way to match others is through the exchange of information about each other through words. However, studies have shown that only 7% of what is communicated between people is transmitted through the words themselves. 38% comes through the tone of voice. 55% of communication, the largest part, is the result of physiology or body language. The facial expressions, the gestures, the quality and type of movements of the person delivering a communication provides us with much more about what they're saying than the words do by themselves.
    • Start with the voice. Mirror the tonality and phrasing, the pitch, how fast (s)he talks, what sort of pauses the person makes, the volume, etc.
    • If you address someone in the right key, you can do anything. If you address someone in the wrong key, you can do nothing. If you want to be a master communicator or a master persuader, you have to know how to find the

right key.

    • external and internal frame of reference
      • if you dont do this, this will happen (moving away), if you do this, all these good things will happen (moving inward)
    • external- boss patting you on the back
    • internal- if you feel its good work, you'll trust your own instincts rather than yours
    • sorting by self
      • matchers, same with exception
    • The person who is motivated by necessity is interested in what's known and what's secure. The person who is motivated by possibility is equally interested in

what's not known.

  • you are not your behaviors, if something is an obstacle you can change it.
  • Question #1: "How do you know someone else is good at a job?"
  • Question #2: "How often does someone have to demonstrate he/she is good

at something before you're convinced?"

  • Remember that there is no such thing as resistance, there are once inflexible communicators. It's important for us to remember that certain words and phrases create resistance and problems. Let me give you the example of one ever-present, three-letter word- "but." If someone says, "That's true, but...", or worse, "I love you ...but..." what is that person saying? The word "but" has negated everything said before it.
  • What if you simply substitute the word "and" instead? What if you say, "That's true, and here's something else that's also true"? Instead of creating resistance, you've created an avenue of redirection.
    • "I respect the intensity of your feelings about this, AND I think if you were to hear my side of it

you might feel differently."

    • Appreciate intent, but not point of view
    • Break the patterns
    • through agreement and conflict
    • confuse them and break their patterns
jul 9 2016 ∞
mar 17 2019 +