[a mini pep talk for the month: you can do it. even though sometimes you doubt yourself. even though at times it can feel so overwhelming. do not worry. breathe. trust yourself. you know that you are capable & you are going to absolutely smash it! - @jessrachelsharp]

• feb 01. nothing appeals to me today. what a boring day!!!
• feb 02. everything about parks and rec makes me feel at home. i've been watching season two all day and i've been laughing so much!!!
• feb 03. plants are amazing!!! have i thanked god enough to be lucky enough to be able to study them?
• feb 04. I love working with my plants. laurels are the single most beautiful tiny flowers there are, fight me on this!!! also mika came to see me at the lab :")
• feb 05. i think i'm finally getting what evolution is. i love studying (see: learning new things). and I also love ben & leslie. and april & andy. and good music!!!
• feb 06. i love reading little weirds!!! jenny is such a good writer. and i love the way she uses metaphors :")
• feb 07&08. i was sick so no entries.
• feb 09. still sick!!! but I love how my heart just fills with adoration for something when I'm hallucinating from the pain??? like. this time it was cacti flowers :")
• feb 10. finally finished my dichotomous key!!?? i'm really proud of myself, wow.
• feb 11. God's love is so big and so incredible it feels unworthy sometimes!!! and music too.
• feb 12. nothing to remember about this day. maybe my grandma talking about how pretty guava fruit's colors blended together. the green, the yellow, the not so green not so yellow. and how the us nature is different than ours. "this is why plants live better there, but not there. and vice versa."
• feb 13. jae (+his music/happy valentine's day, jae), turtles in love on valentine's day, finishing the good place (it was the sweetest finale), laughing with my sister, listening to phoenix's long distance call like it's 2011 again.
• feb 14. still thinking about jae. and now jihoon too. and i miss seventeen!!! coups, ji, hao, kwan, everyone!!! i worked with my flowers today, I listened to good music, I felt really pretty. i also didn't feel that awful pain!!! happy valentine's day :")
• feb 15. had so much fun with mom and iza today. the sky looked so blue I almost cried. trees blending their leaf patterns. laughing with @ and making out deeply; feeling so pretty and so loved by him too.
• feb 16. i had so much fun at aline's today!!! pool, beer and talking!!! sweet times, love my family.
• feb 17. started my classes!!! I'm gonna be a DRIVER soon. what the fuck? also, went to this jump class tonight, it was fun but "my body tells me no" and I definitely will quit this one. jk I won't.
• feb 18. said bye to cris :( she always leaves so early, I might miss her too much this time. had açaí with iza and let, then watched teen wolf with let :"). happy birthday, grandma! i miss you like crazy.
• feb 19. today was busy, just as the whole week was, but I felt very much alive today. felt moved and living. helping helen with her project, being a part of someone else's life, being missed by someone because of how good you make them feel ahh. that is the most beautiful part of my day.
• feb 20. the universe is lucky flowers are so pretty bc im really mad at it!!! it's also very lucky helen is my friend and is willing to tolerate me!!!
• feb 21. helen is literally the most beautiful girl alive and she makes my soul feel at ease :( there's so much love for her inside of me that sometimes I'm pretty sure I melt in front of her. I always manage to pick up the remaining parts of me to stick it together because she needs me. anyways, what isn't a friend if not someone you're crazy about? she's as pretty as flowers!! and as beautiful sceneries and colors (shades of yellow) in wes anderson movies. and as worth it as life is. what I'm trying to say is that I love her more than I can imagine. she's pure sunshine.
• feb 22. the moment rita comes into the church, that's just surreal to me. reading poems in his bed and being kissed in between, that's love. sharing açaí and laughs over scott lang, that's love too. the "do you really have to go now?" or the "get that checked out, it's not normal to hurt like that", that's love.
• feb 23. açaí is literally love with fruit mixed in the middle of it. and I love leslie knope so much??? also love music, but that's old news.
• feb 24. i love the fact that listening to one (1) song by seventeen does it for me; I literally fall a bit more in love every time. my body loves exercising!!!; my face shows it.
• feb 25 & 26. i started "a little life" and that's like the only interesting thing going on for me now.
• feb 27. the joy that comes from God is as sweet as honey, I never want that feeling to cease!!! joked around with my lab girls today and had nutella pao de queijo!!! and lots of coffee.
• feb 28. had such a nice time with helen today; she also got me açaí :") / my flowers are so pretty!!! can't believe they used to be alive and breathing and being beautiful, shining away in the forest / I absolutely LOVE my lab friends. they make everything easier / had pastel with my parents, my dad helped me with some car doubts lol / saw leticia at this bus station inauguration and god it was sweet!!! / saw junior today!!!! hugged him real tight, damn I miss him. / being in touch with god makes me feel so safe.
• feb 29. bought my plane tickets tonight!!! had açaí with iza and cried while reading a little life. and felt the holy spirit too. also, the papaya I had today was great!!